[Sandy in Silicon Valley]

Hi, Joanne -

I've been reading the replies to your post with interest. It's difficult to remember back that far, for me (1992 - primary, mastectomy, CAF, Tamoxifen).

But everything you're going through is within the range of what people experience when they get dreaded bad news, and/or go through a physically/emotionally traumatic experience.

I disagree with the member who wrote that you are "stuck" in anger. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, and I think it's important to allow yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. As another member wrote - you just completed radiation tx a little over a month ago. That's very hard on some patients' bodies.

If you are really fed up with feeling like you do, it may be the right time to start taking some action. There are therapists - both physical and psychological - who can work with you to find solutions to your pain, lack of mobility, and the emotional slump you've described. I saw a psychologist for 4 years after my initial diagnosis, and again more than 10 years later, when I was struggling about my bcmets diagnosis. There are medications that can help take the edge off your black mood, without making you feel numb or unreal. There's physical therapy and exercises you can do to try to gradually recover from your surgery. There are pain meds to manage your pains.

It is not necessary to forget you've had breast cancer, in order to live with a decent QOL. If your obsession leads you to actively seek solutions, it can even be a good thing. If it's overwhelming and paralyzing, you might want to find someone who can help you out of the paralysis, and into regaining some sense of control and recovery.

(((hugs))) and wishes for your successful recuperation,

Sandy in Silicon Valley