[Andrea Barnett Budin]

You can read in my signature what my story is. I had a lot of pain in my left armpit and down my inner arm. I would swing my arm forward nd up and back and down to get the circulation going, when it got a bit devastating. I would lay in bed and reach my left arm over my head and around to my right ear. Eventually I could do this standing, but it hurt to much to follow doc's orders re exercising the bad arm. Laying down helped me do it and stretch the ?muscles or whatever.

Doc told me not to carry my bag on my left side ever again. Not to lift anything over 20 lbs with my left arm, ever. Not to sleep on my left side, ever.

It felt like someone put a really tight tourniquet around my upper arm and left it there. It was a stinging sharp pain that went up and down the arm. I took, and take, a muscle relaxant nightly (Flexerol) which I think helps. All these yrs later I occasionally have pain in left arm. I elevate it on pillows, sometimes for hrs. I never lift w/my left arm. I never sleep on my left side. It took getting used to, but it is now accepted.

I did the walking up the wall with my fingers exercize in the hospital. It was excrutiating, but I did it. Along with the exercize reaching over my head and grabbing the opposite ear. It also hurted really really badly. But I kept doing it. Have you been given exercizes like these?

It took over 6 mnths, if memory serves, for the pain to begin to subside. I was lucky enough to have tram flap reconstruction WITH my mastectomy. I was determined to have NO COMPLICATIONS. No lymphodema. Less and less pain. My arm and armpit felt a bit numb and still do, yet there is enough feeling to feel pain. Now it is only occasional.

It is hard not to focus on pain. It grabs our full attention. I used to take OUT OF BODY MIND TRIPS, meditating to escape my body, intentonally not concentrating on the pain, but instead on blood flowing and circulating. It is very difficult, but I didn't want to obsess about the crippling horrible pain. I would swing that arm while waiting in a restaurant for a table, on any line, any time I felt it getting worse. I didn't care what I looked like. I truly believe it helped.

Stay strong and positive, Michka. Call upon every reserve you have, with passion and determination. It sounds like there is not a problem, other than coping with the pain, and believing it will subside. Make that your mission. Do the exercizes. I honestly think they helped enormously.

Please let me know how you do with your project of rehabilitating yourself. It was my plastic surgeon, who had an oncological background, that gave me the exercises to do IMMEDIATELY, in the hospital. AND, he insisted that I keep my arm propped up on several pillows, at a sharp angle to my elbow, getting the blood flow going from the getgo. As I say, I still do this from time to time, when that numb panging pain comes. I take the muscle relaxant and it helps. Often, I take an Ativan at night, which relaxes the mind! We all need help. Nothing to be ashamed of. Docs must assist us. My onc insists there is absolutely no reason to suffer. If an anti-depressant is called for, allow yourself to get yourself chemically balanced again. Going through what you have is a major trauma demanding a well-rested, upbeat attitude, which can mean you must rely on medicines to get you there. There is no reason for you to suffer. You deserve better than that!

Are you getting a good night's sleep? That is tantamount to healing and becoming well. Your body needs to restore itself. If the Ativan isn't adequate, ask for a sleeping pill. I'm sorry to keep pushing pills, but it helps you psychologically deal with this tremendous challenge you are faced with. Hang in there, Michka.

Sending you loving, healing energy... ANDI