Oh, Flori! I understand getting such horrible news makes everything shut down inside you. Your belief system is suddenly in jeopardy. You feel depleted of all energy. I remember being at that point and feeling like giving up. Even ever optimistic me. You hear what you perceive as a death sentence and you go to pieces. Of course. Who wouldn't. But then, you read the posts from Karla, Jean, Leslie, Grave, Believe, Mary Anne, Steph, Linda, Joy, Michka and me and you start to see -- this is a great opportunity. This new combination (and none of us wants a "new" anything!) could be your perfect secret recipe for success. Our bodies are each different, our bc is unique in so many variables. When you were NED no doubt your cortisol #s were low. You were in the zone. Living in sync with the Universe.
When I was at my all time low I asked right off for (medicinal) help. I knew how to meditate, and connect with my Essence, but I was weakened by emotions that were corroding my insides. So I got an anti-depressant. I got 1 Ativan a day, to help me sleep, to soothe my brain and elevate my mood, back to my old normal! I couldn't get there on my own for a while. That's okay. I asked for help, and I immediately received it. And these pills, along w/a sleeping pill, so my body could rest and recouperate, rejunvenate and recover all helped bring me back to my fighting form. I read voraciously any thing that fed my Soul. I'll give you my list if you'd like. Each word was a salve. Each day, as I awoke, throughout the day, as I lay down (which was a lot, so weakened by the life-saving chemo) -- I specifically instructed my body to heal, to vaporize my tumors, to bring me wellness. I was asking to be NED, without even being familiar with the term yet. I opened my heart and received this pure, unconditional and inifinite amount of LOVE from the Universe. It filled me up and showed in my countenance. I lived AS IF, *KNOWING* I was participating in my own wellness, calling my desired outcome to me with my every thought.
I took the fear, the anger, the blame, the resentment, the outrage, the sorrow, the remorse and allowed myself to experience it all, knowing it was a necessary part of HEALING psychologically. I felt the emotions, which gnawed at me and then actively sought to expunge them from my body and mind. I BREATHED. Taking in life-affirming air through my nostrils deep into my lungs and held on to it for a bit. Then, I conscientiously, free of all thought (NO MIND) gently blew the air and all that was unwanted out through my pursed lips, kissing it all goodbye, rejecting all that was toxic within me, hearing it whoosh out and away from me, going up into the stratasphere, spiraling like a balloon into infinity. I repeated that deep NO MIND breathing for maybe ten minutes. I became like a feather, floating up to a passing cloud and perching on it. I became The Witness, The Observor. In so doing, apart from you mind and body, you become further EMPOWERED. You become CONSCIOUSNESS. You and your Spirit become aligned. And that Oneness bestows the ability to heal and the feeling of blessed serenity. That too could be seen on my face. Others would turn their heads and ask me, somewhat bewildered -- What am I looking at? There's something about you... I felt joy and tranquility KNOWING I was drawing my desired dream to me. I lived AS IF it already existed, BELIEVING I was attracting it to me with my thoughts and images, and the power of their passionate energy.
I'm told others get this from Yoga, or the RIGHT psychiatrist, or counselor who can teach meditation and guided imagery. These therapeutic techniques, along with the right combination of chemo weapons -- all but guarantee success. Flori, I see you as a Survivor. I know your Spirit. I have been uplifted by it many a time, reading your posts and messages. I love you. You have what it takes. You just need a little help right now. And every one on this site is here to get your back, support you, help you through this. And you will get through this! We know you! You are beautiful (and I love your new picture). Take all the love surrounding you, at home, and on this site, see yourself with a brilliant white Light entering the top of your head and permeating down through your entire body, healing every cell within you. Keep that image. Use it, or any one that resonates with you, all day long. And please, Flori, keep on posting whatever you're feeling and doing and needing. Stay close. Sending you a giant hug and much loving, healing energy -- for strength and courage to fight on. We're all with you...
ANDI
Can't post a
face without thinking of you, Flori! You gave me that! You empowered me. May I now empower you BIG TIME...!!!!!!!
(only allowed to post 4, tried to give you a whole big long line of smiley faces, though...) Make you laugh?