[fullofbeans]

Hi All,

Firstly I apologise for the lack of news, I have literally not logged on since I left Britain for Florida, not on purpose; I simply forgot that I had stage IV cancer!

I quite truly had a break from the reality I have been facing (up to) since August 2006, my diagnosis of the liver mets. But let me tell you how my memory loss occurred..

It started with a question ending “red or white?”, after a long flight I had finally arrived in Miami and I was being very well received by Kay and her truly lovely family. Kay asked me what I wanted to do, I had told her anything that involved exercising and that I would love to go snorkelling, well, she certainly heard me load and clear; the following day we got on the bike and went to visit the tropical botanical garden that had exposition chihuly exhibition then later in the day we snorkelled in the Miami bay.

Although the botanical garden exhibition was great, the snorkelling was particularly special for me. When I was housebound, towards the end of my 8th cycle combined with the chemoembolisation of the liver, I had looked daily at a picture I had purposefully hanged on my bedroom wall. The picture showed me in a slick diving suit having surveyed a coral reef or sea grass section in the Philippines. I suppose we all have a time anchored in our memory when we felt at our physical peak for me it was then, I had been diving and snorkelling for few months for the McGill University eating fish, veg and rice and my body had been ripping the benefit of it. Therefore snorkelling again was a huge treat and the Miami downtown skyline was the perfect setting to a new beginning again, my body had recovered enough from the chemo to enjoy fully the holiday that was enfolding..

The following day we did some more cycling and visiting after which Kay kindly dropped me at the hostel I had booked close to the Everglades and the Keys. It had been good to spend time to get to know her, of course we spoke about our medical similarities but pragmatism made us simply enjoy the beautiful sunshine carefree along with some luscious Florida juices and smoothies..

The Everglades hostel I stayed at was a delight, not only it was very relaxing but I also met up with two really nice travellers ready for adventure. The following day we hired some bikes and cycled in the national park, the wildest moment was when we encountered 5 baby alligators in a ditch alongside the road. They were so cute we were tempted to go and grab one but we thought better, not being able to locate Mamy Alli was rather hairy..did you know that a alligator can run as fast as 35 miles per hour? My best moment was few hours into the cycling trip when I realised that I could keep up with the two guys Beat and William (30 and 55 y/o). It felt great, I had been unsure of my ability prior we set off and I thought that I could always let them know about my situation if I found myself unable to carry on. But there were no need, we cycled for at least 4 hours and I kept up so easily it felt so great!

The following day we went canoeing and the day after I took a sailing and snorkelling trip off key Largo, were a bunch of scary Barracudas had decided to gather in mass. The reef was beautiful and sent me right back to another period of my life. I stayed at the hostel 5 days and I could have stayed much longer as I had made quite a few friends by then and it felt like home. By the end of my stay in Florida except for the necessity of my wig I had been completely able to forget about the hellish 6 months I had gone thought. I felt that I reconnected with my old self, perhaps a better version of it an‘improved formulae now con masses of gratitude and humility’! No one new about my prognosis and they saw me, yes me, not my prognosis but me only, I felt free. A guy even flirted with me I loved it! I felt like a teenager at its first disco! Three months ago he would have run away..

Emerging in Seattle after few hours on the plane from Miami made the contrast between these two cities so blatant, they may as well be different countries. Liberal Seattle has a mentality which certainly appeals to my mind set. But a true comparison would require much more than this post would take. Anyhow the second vaccination resulted in the rising of two bumps under my skin at the site of injection, this is apparently a good sign: my body is reacting (go killer cells go!). In Seattle I met up with some people from an international meeting group, and once again I was lucky; in short we danced, saw exhibitions and a talk and visited some sites. The time flew by, also by the time I set off I was happy to come back to the comfort of my home and catch up with my friends and off course Baily (the best dog in the Universe and my unofficial therapist).


On my way back, during my stop over in New York airport, I went to the toilette. Suddenly coming from nowhere I started crying, there I was finding myself stuck in the cubicle for more than an hour by a flow of tears. Why? Well I suddenly felt like I had been punched in the face by reality; In few hours I would be in London, on that same day I was to be plugged to Herceptine, the following day I had my three monthly scan and perhaps things were going to change dramatically.. Suddenly I realised that I had just taken a vacation from reality, and now I was flying back straight into it, yes I feel very lucky to be in remission, just the day before a friend I had met at the hospital had texted me that her cancer had spread, she is 27 y/o. I Seattle I had been taken for a drink by a nice young man, who complimented me that I was very likable, it felt great at the time but I am not sure that he would have acted the way he did if he had known what my oncologist thinks about my future.

Anyhow, the scan -an MRI of my liver- it took three days to get the result back. I knew from Her2 group postings that would be hard to wait for results but I never thought that it would be so hard, Kay told me that as time goes on, it does get better, I hope it does. I found it very hard to concentrate on anything in these three days, I was trestles and could not sleep. When I was told that my liver was fine at 9am, after calling my mum to tell her the good news I simply went back to bed, for once I allowed my dog to come join me and we both slept and slept and slept..

Ok this is turning into a humongous post so I will leave you all here. I will be flying back to Seattle on the 10th May and I am planning to go to Whistler few days later for a spot of spring skiing since I now feel physically able to do so and there seem to be a very nice hostel there too.

Kay thank you again for your hospitality, see you again I am sure!

Best wishes to all
Karina