[Erin]

Kat,

I know that I feel very unattractive even though my DH still looks at me the same way, and tells me it doesn't matter. I only had a lumpectomy, but it left my bc breast a good cup size smaller, and with quite a scar. The bald head and "power port" add to the lovely image.

In the back of my mind I think DH is just faking it when he says it doesn't matter...and maybe he is...but so what! No one goes out to have elective surgery to look this way! I don't buy the idea that "it doesn't matter". Of course it matters. We have problems with the way we look, they probably have problems with the way we look too...but they still love us. Our DH's have to deal with thier own feelings too. Maybe yours is struggling with his feelings, even feeling guilty about it.

Now for some practical things that helped me..... I found that if I covered up what was bothering me I felt more sexy. Maybe I'll feel different later, but right now I wear sexy night gowns that also strategically cover the bruised and battered parts of me. It takes a little shopping, but you can find them. I put makeup over the blue area left from the sentinel lymph node procedure and the bruising that lingers from the port insertion. I light candles, which are very flattering to the body image. I am thinking about going out and getting another wig, "just for us". I also find that not talking about bc for a few hours before, and trying to talk about other, more pleasant subjects helps put me in a better mood.

All of that helps me forget about it for a while too....we deserve that. Not to be too direct, but after all we've been though, we deserve great sex! Sometimes I have to remind myself that sex is good for me, and my husband, and our marriage...especially now, when we are both under such stress. It is another way to take good care of yourself.

Best of luck,,, I hope this all smooths out for you :-)