[Margerie]

I was lucky that my onc warned me it was normal to fall apart a little once chemo and rads were done. You go from battle mode to recovery mode and it ain't pretty sometimes. He was right- that last taxol was the first and only time I cried in his office.

I took baby steps with my emotions and figured out if I slept well I could handle life better. Had to admit I needed help there, not anxiety, but severe insomnia. So I have tried lots of sleep aids, but 1 mg ativan is what works for me.

And now I know the new me includes freaking out on occasion. "Is that a lump?" "I need another tumor marker test?" "Should I cash out my IRA and buy a dining room table?" "Will this be the last school play I see?" But the freak outs happen less often and my recovery from the cancer bashing I give myself is quicker and quicker.

I think of myself as constantly healing and living after breast cancer. Wishing all of us hope and comfort during the time before the cure.