Now that I feel like an old timer and have received tremendous support already from dozens of you, I want to get feedback regarding reconstruction experiences.
I was one of those who opted for a masectomy and have never been sorry even though my pathology reports showed clear margins and the tumor was only 2cm. I went for five years without reconstruction and never felt deformed. I have a great husband who never indicated he thought I was any less attractive as well.
The fall of my 5th year I decided to explore the idea of reconstruction and my HMO sent me to a plastic surgeon with great credentials. In December 2003 he placed an expander in my left "breast" which he filled every 3 weeks until July 2004. I am 5'4" and weigh 125 pounds and my other breast is a B and I told him several times I just wanted to look the same as I did pre-cancer.
I came out of surgery July 2004 with a goiter looking D cup breast and have never felt so awful in my whole life. The doctor had made the decision in spite of my wishes that I would like to be bigger so he put a 450cc silicone implant in. The next December I went in to have the implant replaced with a 360cc size and have a lift to the right breast. Unfortunately even though the size was better the shape was really bad as the expander had not developed a natural shape. Also unable to have lift to right breast because of an infection.
I gave up on that doctor and switched to a new highly recommended one who suggested I try a more natural pear shaped implant about the same size. So in July 2005 I had a third surgery to replace implant with a new one and a lift to the right breast (which still sagged a lot). I still did not look natural even in a bra so the next November 2005, he reshaped the left breast skin sack and did another lift of the right breast.
Still not looking natural but told I am too picky. I guess it's too much to expect to look normal after breast cancer
but I was determined to get as close as possible. Not totally happy with the implant--the shape is ok but it is too big and it does not come in a smaller size. Had another surgery in July 2006 to lift the right breast again but it will never be as high as the other one. I guess that is to be expected as the implant is as perky as a 20 year old and the right one has 59 years of wear on it. I tape the right one every day in an effort to make them look fairly even.
So I have had 6 surgeries in 3 years in an effort to look somewhat the same as I did pre-cancer with not much luck. I am actually sorry I started the whole thing since I didn't feel bad sans boob, but I viewed it as a celebration of five years of survival. After the second or third surgery it became a mission to get what I wanted.
Part of the problem is that there are no real looking impants out there for reconstruction. Most of them are round and even the teardrop ones (like mine) tend to be too big for smaller women. Doctors seem to think any implant is better than none and can't understand how hard it is to look in the mirror everyday and feel ugly.
Is there anyone else out there who has gone through the reconstruction nightmare? Please share your stories. Stephanie