[Joy]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a long time and just haven't felt like I had much to contribute lately. I've been trying to deal with things in my own circle of support. But right now I am feeling so sad and discouraged and worried. I know I have options and I'm grateful, but they tend to run out don't they?

After a couple of years of good response to hormonal/herceptin treatment, my liver mets grew and a couple of new ones showed up. So I did 8 months of weekly taxol/carbo/herc/zometa(1 x/ month). It took a while to get any response, then we had good response, but certainly not NED and then I plateaued and had quick onset of neuropathy so we figured no more of that. I started on Megace 5 weeks ago knowing that it can take 8 weeks to see if it will work. Meanwhile my CA 27.29(which works for me) had during tax/carb plateaued in the mid-80's. Then we quit and it went to 101, I had just started the Megace then. The CA from 8/15, I just found out is 156 and the onc scheduled a CT yesterday as a reaction to the numbers. In addition to the marker rising, the draw from 8/15 showed a slighlty elevated ALT and AST. My chem/metabolic panels have always been perfect.

I was already seeing my specialist in Denver this afternoon, so that is good timing, I guess and I'll see my local onc on Monday.

I know the CT will not be good and everytime the phone rings my stomach hurts-I know most of you have experienced this.

Unless my docs have some great new groovy non-chemo option, I'm pretty sure it will be chemo for a 4th time. Probably xeloda/navelbine or one at a time, maybe, I don't know. But what if I just start blasting through protocols and run out of options faster than I thought?

Next year will be 5 years since my stage IV diagnosis and I really thought I'd go beyond that, but now I'm wondering.

My kids are 7 and 10 and I want so many years with them, but do I have to start being real and preparing myself for not many years with them?

Just having a rough day, thanks for reading.

Joy