Scans on Monday
 

UGH!

Does this ever get any easier? It seems this time is actually more difficult. I have scans (CT with contrast and Bone Scan) on Monday. My PET was NEAD in June but I am a walking disaster in anticipation of what Monday's findings will be. I'm having them done two weeks early so I can have them with my current oncologist--before he leaves me forever.

How long did you remain NEAD? ... I keep telling myself, there is nothing to worry about, there is NO WAY there will be any new lesions this soon, not without significant symptoms ---really, because how flipping fast would that need to grow to show up. Right?

Convince me. :)

Re: Scans on Monday
 

I am with you, Tracy! It has hardly been any time, and you are feeling so good and doing so well! The beast is fast asleep and is going to stay that way a long long long time. :)

Carol Ann

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Tracy, I understand. Pet scan Tuesday to see if lymph nodes have cleared since
herception stopped working and had to go on Kadcyla. I am so afraid that it will
only work short term and have to go on to something else, which means running
out of options fast. Since treatment is every 21 days---I will have had 2 treatments
heart echo, Seen the Doctor + pet scan. 5 trips to the hospital it will be till
the end of the month.

Re: Scans on Monday
 

I'm up for scans in a week or so too, Tracey. It never gets any easier!
Good luck with yours..... Pam

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Sorry Tracy you have to go through this stress! I have not much advice but when I did my PET scan in January, I was absolutely certain the scan would show cancer somewhere else in my body. Luckily, the scan was clean but I made myself sick with worry before and it wasn't worth it. I know you will be clean, praying for you!!

Keep us posted and stay positive!

Jessica

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Tracy,

I cant imagine that your scans would be anything but NED. However, is the worry going to change the results of the scans? Nope, it can only serve to harm you by stressing you out until you receive the results. That is why I feel that a big part of treating a cancer diagnosis involves helping patience find a coping mechanism for all the stress surrounding the disease. The stress is horrible!!

For me, what helps me the most is doing hot yoga. I repeat this mantra in my head "I am healthy, I am strong". It may sound corny but it does help me. When negative thoughts cross my mind about the cancer coming back, I find myself repeating this mantra. It comforts me and I find that I am healthy and I am strong!

Hang in there and put those negative thoughts out of your mind.

Take Care,
Brenda

Re: Scans on Monday
 

For me, it never gets easier. Even at almost 5 years NED. I have PTSD from going through treatment. But I always repeat to myself" Don't freak out unless there is an actual reason to freak out". My therapist always tells me the the What Ifs don't exists. It's my brain doing what it does best. It loves to go to a dark place. So I try to not think of the what ifs.

Hope the scans showed nothing but a healthy chica.

Sending you peace and light.

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Just wanted to send good wishes for NED Tracy!!

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Thank you, ladies, thank you. Today's the day.

Re: Scans on Monday
 

We are with you, Tracy!

Fingers crossed, prayers, etc etc!!

Carol Ann

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Good luck Tracy! Thinking and praying for you - please keep us posted on results. I know everything will be fine :)

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Thinking of you today

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Tracy, thinking of you

Janis

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Oh, gee. It's amazing how quickly 12 weeks passes. Here I am again, working myself into a ridiculous mess because, guess it..... that's right, scans on Monday!

Brenda, I am using all those don't stress techniques. It doesn't seem as bad as it was last time but it is only Thursday.

Hey, everything is going to be FINE. I'm getting a puppy in February, everything HAS to be FINE.

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Tracy, it will be just like last time ... FINE!!!

Have you chosen a name for your new puppy yet? :)

Carol Ann

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Christmas, puppies and for those of us on my side of the world, a long hot summer. And scans for me too on Tuesday - CT, bone scan and Echo as well. So all digits crossed for us both, Tracey!
Best wishes..... Pam

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Sending good thoughts your way! We all know that worrying doesnt help, yet we all do it. My best advice - stay busy, find joy in little things every day and count the days until you get that puppy!!

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Tracy,

The stress, I'm sure, is horrible. Logically, we all know that worrying about things does nothing but hurt our health. However, it is impossible to avoid. Do the best you can to stay positive. We are all sending positive thoughts your way. Everything WILL be fine for you and Pam as well.

Take Care,
Brenda

Re: Scans on Monday
 

I know how you feel Tracy. I’m going for a CT scan next Wednesday to see if the Perjeta/Taxol is working, and I am very anxious for the results. I am feeling positive due to the fact that my doctors can no longer feel the tumors along my scar line, where the recurrence occurred, however, we can’t physically examine the lungs and chest area, so I’m very anxious to see the results of my CT scan to see if the medication has worked and the tumors have shrunk. The worst part is, I asked if they could call me with the results, so I don’t have to wait until my next treatment to get them, which is a week after the scan, and they told me that they may not have the results by my next treatment, which means waiting for over a week for the results!

Keep us posted regarding the results of your scans Tracy and try to stay positive. I know that’s easier said than done.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬
12/15 – First mammogram
01/16 – Second mammogram and ultrasound.
01/16 – Meet surgeon and go for third mammogram, second ultrasound and biopsy. Surgeon confirms cancer in left breast and lymph nodes and sets surgery date.
01/16 – Chest scan and bone scan done– all looks good.
02/16 – Surgery - left breast mastectomy and 16 lymph nodes removed (8 had cancer).
02/16 – CT scan done – small nodules on lung but Doctor advises it’s normal. They will continue to monitor just in case.
03/16 – Meet radiation oncologist and find out results of Pathology Report. I’m told that I have locally advanced breast cancer, based on the size of my tumour (7 cm!) and the fact that they found cancer cells in eight lymph nodes. I’m also told that I’m HER 2 positive, and that my cancer is stage 3, grade 2.
03/16 – Meet oncologist and am told that my cancer is actually grade 3, and that I should have done chemo before surgery. Too late now!
03/16 – Start first of six doses of chemo (Carboplatin and Docetaxal) and Herceptin (for one year).
04/16 – Have port put in.
04/16 – Get second dose of chemo, but Docetaxal is left out due to liver enzymes being high. I was unable to get a full dose of Docetaxal after my first treatment.
06/16 – Finished chemo! One month off and then I start radiation.
06/16 – Start Tamoxifen.
07/16 – First radiation treatment – 24 more to go!
08/16 – Went for Genetic Testing to see if I have the BRCA gene. Tested negative for BRCA I and II
08/16 – Radiation oncologist biopsies “scar tissue” on my scar.
08/16 – I am told that I have a “local recurrence” and need to have rush surgery.
09/16 – Meet surgeon who advises that I need to meet with a plastic surgeon, as they will need to do a skin graft to close me up after surgery.
09/16 – Go for rush ultrasound, bone scan, breast MRI and CT scan.
09/16 – Meet plastic surgeon and all looks good. A surgery date is set for October 4.
09/16 – Meet oncologist who advises that the ultrasound and bone scan results look good, and that MRI shows three small masses at surgery site, but lymph nodes are clear. Still awaiting the results of the CT scan, but we are positive it will look good.
09/16 – Get a call from my oncologist, who advises that CT scan shows small spots on my lungs, and a large lymph node in the middle of my chest. This means the cancer has spread! She looks into getting me funded for TDM1 and cancels my surgery.
10/16 – Meet oncologist, who advises that I have to take Perjeta before I can take TDM1. I start Perjeta/Herceptin every three weeks for an indefinite amount of time, and Taxol, which I will take two weeks in a row with one week off and then two weeks in a row for 8-16 treatments.
10/16 – Stop Tamoxifen.
10/16 – Meet surgeon, who reviews my CT scan and advises that the spots on my lungs may not be cancer, and that he doesn’t see a lymph node in my chest. He thinks it’s a spot on my lung. I’m feeling very confused! He advises that my oncologist doesn’t want me to have surgery to remove the three small masses on my scar line, as she wants to use them as a way to determine if the treatment is working. He advises that if they have not shrunk in 6 months, he will revisit surgery.
10/16 – CEA blood test to determine Tumour markers. Results were normal (2.7). My doctor advises that this could mean two things: (1) that the treatment is working, and the tumours are shrinking, or (2), that I'm one of those people who never get elevated CEA levels. Given that some people never get an elevated CEA level, this test doesn’t seem very accurate to me! Asked for PET scan, but am told I don’t qualify.
10/16 – Brain MRI – NED!
11/16 - CA-15-30 blood test – Tumour markers are normal at 19.
11/16 – Second CEA blood test – Tumours markers are still normal at 1.6
11/16 – Second CA-15-30 bloot test – Tumour markers are still normal at 19
11/16 – Develop lymphedema and have to wear a sleeve
12/16 – CT Scan scheduled for December 14. I can’t wait to find out if the Perjeta is working!

Re: Scans on Monday
 

Tracy, Brenda, Tiffany--

I'm with you. It's quite a trial to anticipate scans. Managing my fear and anxiety might be the toughest part of living with stage IV cancer.

Here are my affirmations. I say them to myself as often as I think of it: "I am healing and I will continue to heal." "There is no tiger." "It's just information." "It is what it is."

A wise counselor told me living well with cancer rests on a three-legged stool of Denial, Distraction, and Mindfulness. Right now nothing bad is happening. Stay in the now. Or go to a movie. Or write someone a letter and don't talk about cancer at all.

Sometimes other things are making my mental state worse. I go through this checklist: am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? If so, I eat, or call a friend, or take a nap. Am I bored? When was the last time I had a good laugh? A hug?

And, finally, especially since my scans are almost always mixed and I've never really been NED (despite what the occasional radiologist has said and I've reported in my signature) but I'm still here and still doing well, with a relatively low cancer burden, I don't put much stock in NED anyway. I figure if I have no new lesions and the ones I have aren't making me sick, then I'm "stable." I don't think of my relationship to the cancer as a battle. It's part of me, after all. My cells gone awry. I think of it more as a negotiation; a search for peaceful coexistence. Granted I do have to kill off cancer cells to keep the score even enough for me to stay in the game, but ever since I learned that "progression free survival" is not an accurate proxy for overall survival in clinical trials, I've had the attitude that the important thing is whether I'm alive and kicking right now.

You can master the mind game. And if you master the mind game, you "beat" the cancer no matter what.