Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Sleep doctors can make money doing it. Chicago Psychiatry Associates has a protocol that requires three nights at the center they've set up: "Individuals undergoing wake therapy are monitored, evaluated, and assisted by our program staff throughout the entire process. Our staff includes psychiatric nurses and graduate students in clinical psychology who have received training in chronotherapy and biological rhythms."

Considering what my insurance was billed for a sleep study (1 night), I think this has the potential to be very profitable. The fact that it appears to be a far better answer to depression than antidepressants is the icing on the cake.

Great link, Lani. I ordered this study paper through RightsLink because I want to see the protocol they're using. ($3.50--choose patient access; users must set up an account. Most papers are free of charge, but the most I've ever spent on a single paper is $3.50.) My SAD is now cured (with Vitamin D), but for many years I jumpstarted myself during the winter by staying up all night and all the next day. I never realized there was a way to create a more lasting effect, though.

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Flori, I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for all you are going through. You are such a special lady who fights so hard. Praying now, that the epidural helps you and also that your Spirit will be lifted and you will feel rejuvenated and ready to continue the fight. Love you, Flori.

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Flori, so sorry to hear what you've been going through. glad you're going to see someone and hope that helps. acupuncture helped my husband tremendously with pain - he has Ankylosing Spondelitis. I have nerve pain in a shoulder off and on due to radiation and I was given a drug that's normally for fibromyalgia - lyrica 75mg at night and that helped me plus physical therapy.
Children can seem very insensitive at those ages. Their lives to them are the most important thing and they are dealing with a lot in their minds. It's unfortunate but that's the way they are. Of course they love you and think you're going to be alright. death isn't real to them.
constant pain causes depression. hope they are able to solve that.
hugs
sarah

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Flori-girl,

I have no great words of wisdom to be added to the chorus of the wise and kind sentiments previously shared by our Her2 sisters, so I will just say that illness is exhausting. The very place of not feeling well is fatiguing and depressing. Hang tough, Flori, and be especially patient with yourself.

I love and admire you!

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

dear flori - you won't remember me, but i remember when i got diagnosed and was here more and how much i appreciated your kickass spirit. but spirits can be sorely tried, that's for sure. pain is a serious cause for depression. my mom had Rheumatoid Arthritis in many joints, including back, and many joints replaced, and i never understood her weariness and pain until i started experiencing my own, which can't even compare to hers. she was depressed and struggled a long time. i am glad to read you're going to therapy, i personally think it helps a lot if you have a good doc. i am on Wellbutrin as an anti-depressant and the thing i like about it is that it's also got this energizing compenent to it. i upped it not long ago because i lost 5 cats and 2 human friends in one year and didn't think i could stand any more grief. i truly wish you the best and hope your neck feels better soon. everybody's allowed their time in the darkness, nobody can be kickass strong all the time. i'm particularly glad you reached out to other people when you need help. take good care, valerie

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Just wanted to update and say that it's gonna take me awhile to get square with this disease again, but in the meantime, I am thankful and grateful for all of your support and kindness in reaching out, lending an ear, shoulder to cry on, sending a thought, a message, an email, and just so many words of true understanding. This "fight" sucks. It is trying to suck the life from me, but I am trying my best to fight back. Truly trying my hardest right now.

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Dear Flori,

I'm so sorry you've been suffering so. I'm sure there will be a time I experience something like what's going on with you. I will remember what you said, and know I'm not alone.

Sometimes people who are in a dark place learn to love the dark. Maybe your pain is a signal to slow down; to tread water rather than trying to win a competition right now. Maybe you need to float, and to look for the beauty in the dark. It's there. It's subtle, but it's there.

Some mantras I use when I feel desperate are "this too shall pass," "how important is it?," and "let go and let God." As so many others have said, you are feisty and fierce and a go-getter. That's your go-to coping style, and it's worked for you for so long. But it's not the only one.

Try mindfulness meditation. Try guided imagery and affirmations. Try losing yourself in music, or funny movies, or coloring mandalas. (I have some I can send you if you PM me). Try entering into each moment of now with no expectations, just focused awareness.

Maybe your life is not a problem to solve. Maybe it just is.

I'm a lot like you--energetic, determined, goal-oriented, focused. Those behaviors have served me well, but sometimes they aren't enough.

We love you and we're rooting for you.

Re: cancer is killing my spirit: natural antidepressants
 

Hi SoCalGal, I am so sorry you are having such an overwhelmingly distressing time with too much all at once on an endless basis.

I just wanted to pass on two helpful ideas which may or maynot be of any use to you but if you know of them at least you can look at them and consider if they might be worth trying.
I have recently started an on-line buddhist training with Pema Chödrön, plus a meditation class. And I am finding the simple learnings about how to reduce suffering make sense to me, help me and really hit the spot.

My son has had ongoing anxiety and depression for much of his life. He recently discovered Inositol, specifically myo-inositol, which is made in the body, was considered a B Vitamin, and its only side effect is bloating if you have too much in one dose. It tastes sweet. He gets it as a powder in 1pound packs, and takes 1tsp about 5times a day, ie about12gms a day, just as powder in his mouth, and it has greatly improved his mood and emotional comfort. If he is feeling upset, he increases the dose with another tsp immediately and another couple between the doses.
Inositol has been researched and found to help with seretonin-uptake-related depression, and with anxiety. But it does not throw your seretonin/dopamin/norephidrin neurotransmitters out of balance and is a much less toxic drug than most things marketted as antidepressants.

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

Those are two great ideas, Jessica, particularly the meditation. The Center for Head Injuries uses MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction), developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, in its program for TBI and other brain-injured clients. I just completed the course with one of their neuropsychologists, who offers it at a much-reduced cost to patients with balky insurance companies. The studies demonstrate (using MRIs) positive brain changes in MBSR practitioners, which defines it as a medical treatment. The course I took cost $300 vs. $2600 for the hospital-based course, because my insurance insisted on paying it as "behavioral" and the hospital will only bill it as "medical." One hopes this will not be such a fight in the future.

A very good free MBSR course is available online. I plan to update the chemobrain thread with this information, including a link to my Dropbox folder where I have downloaded all the audio and video files, and created a single indexed PDF of the manual (which needs some formatting tweaks, which is why I haven't posted it yet), but in the meantime, here's a link to the site:

Palouse Mindfulness

John Kabat-Zinn offers his tapes at the Sounds True store, where Pema Chödrön's offerings are also available. I find his voice and timing and choice of words really annoying, so I use the Palouse materials as well the audio and video from UC San Diego Health System, which offers yoga instruction by Lynn Rossy. She's far more pleasant to my ear, but not everyone finds Kabat-Zinn as unattractive as I do.

The difference between the two programs is that MBSR is secularity. I have always been attracted to Buddhism, and I plan to branch out in my meditation practice, but for those who prefer an approach that is simple to learn, as well as medically documented, MBSR is a good choice.

Edited to add:

I just listed to a sample tape, and Pema Chödrön's voice and manner is also far more appealing that Jon Kabat-Zinn's.

Re: cancer is killing my spirit
 

The efficacy of mindfulness-based stress reduction on mental health of breast cancer patients: a meta-analysis

The PDF link is to the right. The article is free.