Might need help with "Lee"
 

Hi everybody! I'm a little concerned here. Bear with me, and follow the logic. I've noticed that Lee has been posting quite a bit lately, and has recently used the word "mountebank" in a post, and to the best of my knowledge, only two people on the planet use that word, me and Lee. My middle name is Lee. I also use the word "rapscallion". If I see "Lee" use that word in a post I will Freak Out! And here's why- Marlys, who is a self-proclaimed psychotic professional, once said that I exhibited "signs". Aw crap, I thought, of all the cancer support groups in the world, I happen to roll up into this one, and I get fingered immediately by the only psychotic professional on the world wide web. Ok, I'm already nervous, and then this new guy, let's call him "L" shows up, and he has a very similar writing style and diction. And tonight, he says, "mountebank" and all of a sudden, the light clicked, "oh, frigg" this is just like the Fight Club movie, and I'm the Brad Pitt guy and Lee's Edward Norton (Lee, I'm doing the casting here) only they turn out to be one and the same. I'm always feeling sleep deprived, so maybe I get up at strange hours of the night and post as"Lee". If I find out that "L" was born on Nov. 30 I'm gonna freak to the moon!

Bill - does someone need a nap?

I do believe that there is a parallel universe out there, and maybe Lee is your doppelgänger...

Dear Bill:

Or maybe I should say dear Lee. I thought you and I were the only sane people in the world, and now I am having my doubts about you.

Its probably just a case of all the cheap drugs you took in high school. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I am locking my door at night.

Best wishes,

The other Lee

P.S.

I have used the word 'rapscallion' before. You see, I don't like cussing because of the incredible vocabulary limitations traditional American cursing leads you to. After stringing the six bad words together and throwing in a 'mother' into the mix, you end up with something everyone has already heard. If you are going to curse, you might as well be amusing.

P.P.S.

Have you ever called someone a 'cow-hearted yeasty codpiece'? Just curious.

Scary!!!!!

Lee, I mean Bill...what about hucklebuck? Is there anyone else who has used the word doppelganger? But I've noticed that YOU post at all hours of the day and night, playing that time zone thing thinking we won't notice...

You rapscallion, always keeping us on our toes!

I fear a meltdown is imminent!
 

Well, what I'm most worried about is what if Bill's comments to Lee have in some way offended Lee? Then Lee will call Wild Bill and ignorant so-and-so, then Pink will jump to Bill's defense, then I'll say "can't we all just get along" and then, worst of all, Bill will start apologizing again and the traffic will get so heavy it will shut down the Her2site and possibly even the whole internet!

Please, Bill, get some help - quick!

BTW, did you notice that I managed to say that all without using a period, in solidarity with Flori's comma and those who have lost their oo's?

I am OK with this, just so we don't have an Evil Twin phenom going on here!

So, you fellas behave.

Hahaha! You guys are so funny. Got me laughing and grinnin'. Lee, (as if that's your real name) I've never called anyone a "cow-hearted yeasty cod-piece", but I think I might soon, just to try it out, and just to set the record straight, I did not do cheap drugs in high school. (Trying to get to the bottom of this) So...Lee... you are from Oregon, I see, Oregon City to be precise. What's strange is I've never met anyone from Oregon, or known anyone to have been to Oregon. Oregon City, come on. I'm pretty sure it's not even a real place. I think you made it up. That's like me asking Chrisy where she's from and she says, "Cal-Cal-California-town" or Pinkgirl "Canada-ville".

I am loving "cow hearted yeasty cod piece"... can I borrow that? I can think of a multitude of uses for it!

Don't worry Sweet Steph, we're just wrasslin'. (Lady Pink would you really come to my defense? I can see it now.....Honey!!! Saddle up the dogs! Bill from America-ton is in trouble! We gotta hoof it down there and bail his ass out again!) Lee, I like your thinking(of course) but I kinda like "You cow-hearted yeasty cod-piece 'SOB'". It seems to flow well.

Dear Bill:

If that is in fact your real name. (Just to get creepy, I say that phrase a lot. But I, or maybe it's you, I'm not real sure about any of this anymore, then top it off with an accusation that said person is actually a member of the witness protection program).

Anyways, you say you never heard of someone from Oregon City? And do you admit that in a previous post that you mentioned a certain movie? A movie entitled, "The Fight Club"? And Bill, did you know the name of the author of the Fight Club? He is none other than a gentleman named Chuck Pahliniuk. And did you know where Mr. Pahliniuk was living when he wrote The Fight Club? No? Would you be surprised to find out that Chuck Pahliniuk lived in Oregon City when he wrote The Fight Club.

"GASP!", says the jury.

"I will have ORDER in my court room," bellowed the judge.

Bill, or Lee, I'm not real sure anymore, crumples in the witness stand and says, "Make it stop! Make it all go away! It's all an extraordinary coincidence."

I say, "But I don't believe in coincidences."

Bill looks up and says, "Somehow, I just knew you were going to say that."

I think the script writer is going atwitterpated.

Are we still in English?? Or is Shakespeare about to butt in here??

Ok, now it's getting weird. That book is on my nightstand, untouched and unread, given to me by my son a few months ago when he moved in with me. Dammit, it gets curiouser and curiouser. I've been accused of being in the WPP before, but I'm not, honest. Y'all believe me, right?

I think I figured it out...
 

...Lee is Bill's alter ego. "They" are not Bill and Lee, but rather Billy...

Hmm.....

Bill:

Just because you aren't a member of the witness protection program doesn't mean you shouldn't be.

The 'cow-hearted yeasty codpiece' is something I use for International Talk like a Pirate Day (ITLAPD), which is my favorite holiday. During ITLAPD you really need to bring your 'A' game. A few Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs just doesn't cut it. You need to come up with something like:

'Shove off, you scupper sucking cow-hearted yeasty codpiece I need some leeway to unfurl me mainsails.'

Translation, "I could use a little space."

Now which one sounds better?

It is becomming more clear.
OK, so Lee was a Buccanneer in his past life, Matey. Who was your favorite?

What was the Bill half of you guys? A Swami?

I'm glad it's getting clearer for you Steph. It's not for me. Gerri, my closest friends and family do call me Billy, and another book on my nightstand is called "Pirate Soul", all about pirates. I'm getting nervous about Lee talking about the books I have on my nightstand. Lee, I think I need to bolt my door at night. I'm getting creeped out again. Can't y'all see? It's him, not me! He's devious.

Dear Bill:

Me devious? Absolutely not. I'm no mountebank! Of course that would be my answer if I were devious or not. At least I was honest enough to point that out. Or devious.

At least I can be discreet. Notice how I didn't mention the life sized inflatable Brady Bunch Doll kit you hide in the back of your bedroom closet. Something like that would bring up the most rampant type of speculation. So lets just keep that one to ourselves. You can thank me for that one later. Jan Brady was so hot!

Lee