Thank you all
 

for your lovely thoughts, insights and love. I truly do believe you when you say that you want only the best for me, so I feel at ease trying to share this journey with all of you. You all understand what our day to day lives can be like, so I believe also that you probably understand where my heart is more than my own family.
I just want you to know that this peace that I speak of in my posts exists because I owned up to "my cancer" and said ok, we are in this together.
The peace I feel is when I feel a twinge where the tumors are and KNOW it is my cancer. Not maybe, but know. It is my cancer. It is my body and no one else's and most improtantly, it is my life and I am really letting go and living. No more worry about test, doctors, or pains.
I wish I had known how wonderful palliative care is! These beautiful women who have come into my life make me feel as if I really matter. I did not know that you can get this care while you are in treatment too! I would've called years ago.
The nurse came out to my house to meet me and she had a journal with handwritten notes on my medical history. She asked about my sleep habits, nutrition, exercise, medications, past history and then she asked if I had any questions. She sat with my husband and me and answered questions for 45 minutes. An angel has been sent to us. I can call them any time of the day or night, which is awesome because hubby travels 50% of the time, and someone will answer my questions. They have in-patient nurses at the hospital I go to that are also my advocate and know my medical history.
I can not tell you what a relief it is to have a group of social workers, clergy and physicans working for my comfort. PERIOD. It is all about making me comfortable, and they call once a week to see how I am doing, if I need any different pain meds, and the multiple other questions that arise during the week.
I am getting the best medical care I have ever gotten.
Hands down.
So, please do not worry about me ladies, I really and truly am fine and living my days to best of my ability.
I still hope to hook up with Michka in Paris, so I will be out- of- touch on a much needed family vacation.
Again, to each and every one of you who took the time and the trouble to talk with me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I will check in when we return.
Enjoy Spring all,
Emelie

Re: Thank you all
 

Emelie - it is wonderful to hear you speak with such clarity and peace with your decisions. Clergy often quote and wish "the peace which passes all understanding" but few of us ever experience that true peacefulness. Wishing much joy for you - you continue to inspire!

Re: Thank you all
 

I can read the "peace" you speak of in your type written words. I believe you. I am happy for you and know that each and everyday you live will be filled to the brim. God Bless you Emelie. I think you are AWESOME and a blessing to each of us here.

Mary Jo

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Emelie, we all look forward to sharing your experience in Paris and meeting up with Michka. I wish you great joy and happiness.

Peace my friend,

Nancy

Re: Thank you all
 

Emelie, I am so happy you are finding the palliative care such a help. I met the palliatiave team the last time I had surgery. I meet them every six weeks or so in their clinic. They have offered to call to my home and I will take up that offer when I need to. Its reassuring to know that someone with my full history will be there when things get difficult. Especially for my familys sake I would still like a miracle but life happens, its out of our control.
I hope you have a lovely holiday and look forward to hearing all about it. Take care, and thank you for everything. Its been a pleasure! Best wishes.

Re: Thank you all
 

Thank you Emilie for your beautiful, touching post. So glad you are surrounded by caring, helpful people.
hugs and love
sarah

Re: Thank you all
 

Emelie I agree with the women here I can also feel the peace in you. I wish you so much joy and comfort..live your life, do everything you want to do. Happy spring and sunshine to you as well xo

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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.
I am glad you have found caring people to help you.
I know you will take good care of yourself and enjoy every momemt of your trip. It sounds wonderful.

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Emelie,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this beautiful post with us. Have a wonderful spring & holiday. We'll be right here, waiting to hear all about it.

Kelly

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Emelie I missed your earlier post and just saw this now, you reminded me of my friend a few years ago in a similar place and she too felt so much at peace with herself and the world and spoke about it in much the way you have.
I'm pleased you've found such a wonderful Pallaitive support team and hope you have a wonderful vacation:)

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Emelie,
Sending you roses and lots of peaceful thoughts. I wish you the trip of a lifetime in Paris.
Warmly,
Karen

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Emelie,
Beautiful post. It made ME feel at peace as well.

All the best to you
Chris

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Bonjour! Bon appétit! ("We'll always have Paris!" - 'Casablanca')

Re: Thank you all
 

What more can anyone ask for, no matter the circumstances, than to have peace? Thank you for sharing this beautiful blessing.

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Emelie,

God bless you.

Thank you for sharing this with us.