Dearest Lola-
Sending you prayers of peace & comfort...is there a social worker or nurse at your onc's office that you would feel comortable talking to? i don't suffer from depression, but I've certainly had my bouts of anxiety. I had a hard time admitting that I was struggling, but now I take Xanax to help combat the tough times and it has made a world of difference.
Do what you have to do to take care of you! You'll find your smile again, I just know it.
Prayers, faith & courage,
Jessica