the big D-cup day
 

well, tomorrow (wednesday 9-29) is the big day - my first mammogram since my diagnosis last year. i feel so positive about with none of the scan-xiety people speak of. i don't know how or why, but i just feel in my heart & bones that i am A-OK and this will just be a verification. my only concern was if the squashing machine would hit my port (they say no). i even called my surgeon's office already to find out when i can get the port out and he said er.... why don't we wait until we get your mammo results, k? i'm antsy. truth is i have one last herceptin on october 14, then i am really and truly ready for it to come out. my onco told me that she will do a hand exam in 3 months after the mammo, then i will have an MRI 3 months after that, then another hand exam in 3 months, then the mammo again next year. that makes me feel nice and secure on top of my own BSE's.

tomorrow is also a big day in that we are saying goodbye to mom's house and the place i grew up in since age 12, where i used to ride horses, and listen to Frampton Comes Alive in my pretty yellow bedroom with my tuxedo cat Fearless at my side. my sisters and i will bury some of my parents' ashes on the land and i will take one last walk in the back pasture, then it's one last bumpy ride in the Jeep down the thousand foot dirt driveway, and goodbye forever. i keep apologizing to mom out loud. sorry i did not know you had cancer, mom. sorry we have to sell your house. sorry we can not take everything as keepsakes. the most meaningful - even in the form of the old raggedy kitchen dishtowel - have homes. when i go into the hospital where mom died tomorrow i think she will accompany me and i won't be alone facing the machine.

i have no idea how i will feel by day's end tomorrow, but i know it will be incredibly emotional in so many ways.

valerie

Re: the big D-cup day
 

Good luck with your mamogram. You can point out the port location to the mammogram technician and show her where she cannot press. She will arrange the nearest breast in a way so that the machine does not press on the port.
I am with your surgeon regarding the port. You can have it flushed every 4-5 weeks at your cancer center if you don't need it for treatment.
It is a nice gesture to put some of the ashes on the land your parents loved.
Your Mom will always be with you in spirit too.
Take good care of yourself.

Re: the big D-cup day
 

Re: the big D-cup day
 

That's great! Thanks for the 'hot' news. :)

Re: the big D-cup day
 

Great news. Here's hoping for many more clear checkups for you.