Treatment Anxiety
 

Friends,
I will finish my year long treatment today with the final infusion of herceptin. However, I feel a little conflicted; glad to have reached the end of the treatment journey but nervous about losing my “security blanket.” I feel blessed to have reached this juncture in battle against cancer, but not sure how to deal with the demons that still seem to haunt me. I’m afraid that without the drugs, cancer will return. I know that I am being a little paranoid. Is this a normal reaction? Any advice on how best to deal with my anxiety in the coming weeks/months? Are there any books or articles you might suggest? Thanks for being such a wonderful support for all of the people who deal with cancer in general, and Her-2 in particular.
Brenda

Hi Brenda, boy, do I know where you're coming from! I felt the same way when I finished my year of herceptin, that was almost 18 monthes ago. Your diagnosis and treatment sounds a lot like mine.
I was really looking forward to the last treatment and getting my port out but when it came time, I felt just like you, my security blanket was gone. No more vitamin H, no more chemo nurses watching me all the time and taking such good care of me, I felt like I was out there all alone. It does get a little easier as time goes by, truthfully, I can't remember what I did to get over it. I think we all feel the same way when the treatment is finished, very vulnerable and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Like I said, I finished treatment 18 monthes ago and I'm doing just fine, so far. See my onc every three monthes and have bloodwork done. I kind of hold my breath till the onc visit is over. Maybe we never get to the point where we don't worry about it at all but with each month that goes by, I breath a little easier.
I know that you will be fine, just takes a little getting used to after focusing so much on the cancer. Just try to take it day by day.
Hugs to you and congrats on finishing up!

Dear Brenda,

Oh yeah, been there, done that. While in active therapy, it feels as if you are at least doing something to drive the beast away. It is as if you have some control over it. When you stop doing something, anything, that's when the worries hit you. It happened to me too. And there was no Herceptin for me, because it wasn't available to me then. But here I am, 5 years, 4 months after diagnosis, even without Vit H I made it.

It will get better, trust me. This is one of the steps in the cancer experience doctors don't tell you about. That's unfortunate, because it happens to many of us. And it happens right at the time when everybody thinks you should be relieved and happy it's all behind you. Well, surprise! That's not how it feels. It's hard to explain to those who haven't been there. So here we are with open arms, to help you get through this as well. You've made it this far, and you will get through the next fase too.

Hugs

Jacqueline

Some cancer centers offer "survivorship" programs to help with this transition. I am attending one now.
Also, when treatment finished I was sent a book by the company that makes Herceptin. "After Breast Cancer" by Musa Mayer. It is really helpful. Published by Patient-Centered Guides. The book addresses so many of our fears.
Keep the faith.
Bonnie R (I am showing as "unregistered" here, for some reason)

Musa Meyer, who is a member of the bcmets.org listserv, is a gem. Find her book, it is really really helpful.


Jacqueline

Congratulations! I will soon be where you are on June 8th. However I am already feeling like you are at times now. I just pray and continue to stay positive. I try to turn those demons into angels. Take a nice hot bath with a glass of wine tonight and be proud of how far you've come. I am so proud of you!

Oh boy, I remember. I finished Herceptin in November 2006. I was so nervous. It fades. You/we've done all we can. We've aggressively gone after this disease. I wouldn't describe myself as paranoid about the disease (at least not much), but I am vigilant. Stay vigilant. Enjoy life.