Stopping Working
 

Many know that I have agonized over the decision to stop working. I've been dealing with cancer for 3 years - 1 year as a liver metster. Had a resection, ablation and been on chemo since the dx with only a short break.

I just can't get up anymore and go to work. I am a high school secretary. I've been pushing it but it's just too hard now and since I'll never be off chemo, it's time. I talked to my boss this week and told everybody today. I love my job though so I am sad.

My district has a great terminal illness benefit - they will pay me for a year - my entire salary. It's amazing.

But, I fear not getting up and going to work. When I don't, I sit in my PJs on the computer all day and am not productive. And, when sick people do that, i find they get sicker. I need something to do.

My school says I can volunteer and still do their webpages and that kind of thing. I also need to find other activities but am not a homebody and like to work, so what Ill do, I don't know. I'd like to find something where there are consequences if I don't show up, because I tend to be ADD and lazy in a non-working situation. Lots of people say "take a class" but I'm not really a school person, although of course, I will look into it.

Looking for other suggestions. Thanks!

Re: Stopping Working
 

It is great that your school district will pay you for year. Who knows after one year you might have regained some energy and health and be ready to job hunt again.
In any case there is life after "retirement". I am living proof of that.
There are all kinds of volunteer work available.
Take time to figure out what you like to do. Maybe there is something you never had time for before.
As long as you can arrange your schedule around your personal and health needs I think it will work out.
You might even be able to set your own hours.
Some suggestions:
I like your school principals idea of helping with their website at home. You can stay involved and in touch with all the people you love at school.
The American Cancer Society always needs volunteers to help new patients or give them rides to appointments. Can you do that occassionally?
Take a class in something you always wanted to learn.
Adult education has a variety of classes for adults that are available at low or no cost. Community colleges are usually cheaper than most 4 year colleges and universities. Some colleges and university systems offer free classes to adults over certain ages.
If you are a member of a faith group I am sure that group can use you help too.
Another idea in education is part time tutoring. I bet there is one student out there who would appreciate your help once or twice a week.
Later on when you feel better you can look for a salaried part time job.
Good luck. Take good care of yourself.
Hang in there !!

Re: Stopping Working
 

Ann,

Take a non-credit language class - Spanish if you haven't learned it. It will keep your brain intact... It will also give you opportunity to take time/mind off the 'cancer' circle...

Spend more time on your Facebook - it will give you the support you need during this 'down' time. Since FB is composed of your friends and family and you can delete/add any 'toxic'/rehabilitated person anytime, it will give you needed support without adding too much stress. When you feel like it, you can explore the pages of friends of your friends, check out their pictures (without having to friend anyone - unless the person has the most strict friend policy) and postings...

Explore the joy of cooking - you need to eat and eat well. So try cook something good for yourself and/or others. Invite others to come eat with you (have a pot-luck once a while) and/or eat out together. Ask others to exercise/walk together - check out your community group and join them.

Pay close attention to your 'social' activity - never isolate yourself...

It's really wonderful that you won't have to worry about lost wages for the coming year. (Perhaps you can also plan some sort of vacation...)

Happy vacation!

Re: Stopping Working
 

Hello Coolbreeze,

I have been following your journey for a while. You are an amazing, strong positive person! One could see from your chimes, that you really valued the worker role. Great that you will be getting full pay- we don't have anyhthing like that in NZ.

What are you interested in? What do you enjoy doing? What do you value and what is important for you? Maintaining motivation is important for mental and physical health. Meaningful activities are the key to maintaining motivation. What are your goals? It may be something small....Perhaps plan your week- balanced schedule and remain committed to sticking to it. Developing new routines, interests and goals will be important...

I wish you all the best!

Blondie

Re: Stopping Working
 

We had one mom going through cancer treatment, she was the crosswalk person for my daughter's grade school. Just have to be there in the morning and afternoon for 30 min and they pay her!
I am sure you will settle into something, hard to figure out when you have a lot of time and resources out there. Hope all goes well.

Re: Stopping Working
 

The other shoe has dropped! I am glad you gave yourself the opportunity to try staying at work. I think you would have regretting not doing so.
So, now, what to do??? As the others have said, take some time to think about what really interests you. Or what would make you feel good. Maybe something as a volunteer related to the students who you love so much. But try finding a NEW thing, too. Just for you. Jackie's vacation idea sounds really good!
I know you'll figure it out. For now, put your feet up! And keep the faith.

Re: Stopping Working
 

Sorry to read that you are not feeling well enough to continue working. And lucky you to have full pay for a year so that you don't have to worry about income.

I hear you loud and clear on losing motivation if you don't have something to do on a regular basis. As I type this, I am sitting on my couch, in my PJs, taking a break from my part-time job (which I do from home). I find when I have more unscheduled time, I am less productive than when I am overscheduled. Funny how that works.

Do you have friends close by that are also home during the day? If so, maybe you can get together a group for a daily walk, at a scheduled time (assuming you feel well enough to do this). I find that when I get out for a walk with friends I have more energy than when I sit home and just work or lay low. You could sign up for a fundraising walk to help give you the motivation to get out there also. There were some other great ideas suggested (web site, driving patients to treatment, etc.) but really I think it's up to you. Think about what makes you happy, projects you have been putting off for another day, or things you have always wanted to do and go for it!

All my best ~ Jen

Re: Stopping Working
 

I know this was a long considered decision for you. I admire how you gave it your best shot, and how you are able to say with conviction, it is time to pull back. I do not see you sitting back eating bon bons - and it sounds like you have wonderful opportunities to continue some of your work with the school but at a pace and level that works for you.

Or set off in another direction entirely! You've had a heck of a year, and are probably still not at your full strength.

Good for you, making this decision and taking your first steps into the new life ahead of you.

with much love and admiration
Chris

Re: Stopping Working
 

I retired a few months ago, as soon as I was eligible and for a workaholic the 1st month was a big adjustment but I wanted to be able to put my health at the top of my list of priorities which wasn't possible while working, even though I telecommuted most of the time.

Now I am thankful that I don't have anyone scheduling my time, how my day goes doesn't depend on someone else's agenda or bad mood, and my stress is MY stress, not caused by work.

I love to garden, decorate and do crafts and have enjoyed that a great deal.

We've gotten lots of stuff done/fixed around the house that require someone being home when the worker's are here.

I will be volunteering at the library during the summer reading to children and also at my parrish's vacation bible school.

I've always wanted to learn how to take decent pix, where everyones heads are in the pic and a friend of mine has offered to help me learn to shoot and what can be done with pics with software.

Our local ACS and reach for recovery group have weekly painting classes for those of us still fighting and survivors.

Last, but not least, I am working on scrapbooks for both sons that I've wanted to do for years and kept buying the stuff, but never got around to it.

Yes, there are days I'm down and don't feel like doing anything or being around anyone. I allow myself one of those a month--stay in bed, read, snuggle with my cats, and plan what I'm going to do tomorrow. But by the same token, I want to enjoy and live each day as fully as I'm able to, while I'm able to.

Re: Stopping Working
 

I was not forced to stop work but I have several surgeries coming up so i started to volunteer at a pregnancy center taking care of their baby "store " its actually all free, donated new clothes and baby supplies. I can come and go as I please and I love it. No hard labor. (I love babies!) This is just what I came up with. Good luck to you coolbreeze. I am praying for you.

Re: Stopping Working
 

Hi Coolbreeze
I know how much you reflected on your decision to return to work and feel glad that you gave it a try. If you hadn't you may have regretted your decision. I am sure something will emerge that will suit your talents and also give you fulfilment without the pressure of having to turn up and function optimally everyday.
Please let us know how it goes
Ellie

Re: Stopping Working
 

I know how much you enjoyed your job and working with the kids, so Im really sorry that you had to give it up. ((hugs)) Everytime I read your posts or your blog, all I can think is how you need to assemble your writings into a book. You are such a wonderful writer, so humerous. With a little extra time on your hands now, maybe you would be able to work on that? I don't know how much longer I will be able to work myself, but when I do quit working Im just thinking on doing things I have always wanted to do and haven't...take some cooking classes, maybe some online college classes just to learn some new things, plant a garden, join a swimming class. I don't know, but Im going to do my best to keep busy. I know you will too...

Re: Stopping Working
 

Thanks for all the great ideas. I'm taking them all to heart. And, focusing on my health is something that I am going to take literally. I eat pretty much cupcakes and candy now - I'm quite underweight which worries my doctor. I never had a sweet tooth before either. So my first order of business will be to get back to healthful eating the way I used to and try to bring my calorie count up.

Then I will try to get out once a day. Take my dog for a walk maybe although she is so routine oriented that if I do it twice at the same time, she'll start to beg at the same time every day. (She's a greyhound). On days I don't feel well, I can't have her jumping around me! :)

I plan to volunteer with the school and do their webpages still so maybe I can go in a few afternoons a week and just do that or anything else they need. There is plenty of work to go around, I know. I will have to be careful not to step on my replacement's toes.

I can finish my scrapbooks that I started. I must not like scrapbooking as much as I think I do since I have finished only one book in ten years. :) Maybe I'll look into digital scrapbooking.

So many people have told me to turn my blog into a book. That seems an impossible tasks - a blog is a blog and a book is something very different. But, maybe I'll take a look at it although everybody who has suggested it has to promise to buy a copy. :)

And, I will expand my webpresence. i started by adding a little forum (PM me if you want to know) and I am going to try to maybe make a little money somehow.

I think the important thing will be not to get up, get on the computer and stay there. I have to get showed and dressed daily, make myself a breakfast and plan to do something every day. Maybe if I write a schedule out it would help.

I appreciate all of your ideas and your advice. It's funny, before I had this job, at any time in the past, I would have said, "Bye-bye" with no problems. But, this job was special and it was my home and after 45 years of working to have found the place you know you belong and have that taken away from you - it's hard. But, I have agonized about it enough, I made my decision and I have told everybody.

So, hopefully I will find my post-work life rewarding as well and also healthy!

Re: Stopping Working
 

Coolbreeze,
The smiley faces you've used are remarkable and symbolic: you are finally in a happy, conclusive place. I'll lend you my only way out of a rut--leave the house early. Get up, get dressed and head for your writing space (mine: library). Work for two hours or so, then get back to the house business or volunteer work.
You can tell me to scat, but living on candy and cupcakes is just what cancer wants. As you are well aware, there are many new potions coming to us, so hang in there, baby. Something tells me you've got a long way to go.
Karen

Re: Stopping Working
 

Thanks Karen. I love your intuition and I sure hope it's true!

I'm not a "sugar feeds cancer" believer but I have always, my entire life, believed in eating healthy. I used to complain to my mother because she gave me lunch meat for lunch and it had nitrites in it that caused cancer. Boy, was I prescient or what? :)

So, this love of and desire for sweets is a new departure for me, and it started right after c-diff, when I was only able to eat the opposite of everything I'd always eaten my whole life. When your colon doesn't work, you have to stick to processed foods and white flour and nothing with bulk and no vegetables. And, I was down under 90 pounds so my doctor wanted me to eat anything that would put weight on.

And now that is what I am eating still, but my colon can handle normal foods again. Right now I'm so tired; I get up, get ready for work, go, and people give me treats because they worry about my weight. (The school has a cupcake brigade and they bring me gourmet cupcakes!) I might bring a banana or something but that's it until dinner, which is usally take-out as I'm too tired to cook and my husband is not good at it. Then I eat ce cream, cake. I guess I never imagined myself doing that, but since I am severely underweight still I haven't stopped myself.

So, as soon as I'm done with work, I'll go back to healthy eating. I have been given a cookbook for cancer patients to review and I'll make some of the recipes and test them, and I will be the one going to the store and buying food and I'll be able to cook again, so I will go back to my normal mostly vegetarian diet and I'll manage this sweet tooth by allowing myself one piece of candy a day like I used to. And, I am going to buy one of those popsicle makers and make popsicles with protein powder and fresh fruiit so I can satisfy my craving that way. Funny how quickly a lifetime of healthy eating can go out the window.

You are right. I don't want to leave my job but I'm now accepting of it and looking forward to the challenge of creating a rewarding life without having a job. My son is 15, so I still have a kid to drive around - that will be good for me too. :)

Re: Stopping Working
 

Hi Cool Breeze:
Your posts are always so smart and strong.
Does your school have a college application mentoring program -- for juniors and seniors who don't have parental help and really need an adult to steer them to the right college, help with apps and financial aid forms. It can really make a difference in a young person's life.
Linda

Re: Stopping Working
 

How blessed for you to spend the time with your son between now and when he leaves home! Of course, if he's like most 15 yr olds he isn't excited about more maternal bonding time, but since he doesn't have his license yet he may just have to endure it! ;)

Re: Stopping Working
 

Cool Breeze,Sounds Like It May Be Time To Plant a Few Flowers For You To Appreciate & Enjoy,Nothing Like A Peaceful Place to work in & set and watch the Flowers grow w/your favorite beverage (mine is Ice Tea) Gives me a Reason to Get Up in The mornings,I Plan on adding a small waterfall,it gives me enjoyment & peace,Hope This Inspires You,Joanna J

Re: Stopping Working
 

I really think you will write your book on you. Your writing skills are great and you are very well spoken. I would gladly buy and read it! I'll be waiting for it.

Peace.

Re: Stopping Working
 

I agree with Pray. Also, as far as the sweets issue, I have done the same. I've gained something like 12 pounds (on a small frame) because sweet things are the one thing that still tastes the same to me on chemo. Everything else tastes...well I don't have to tell you, but not normal! I don't think there is anything wrong with a day on the couch eating bon bons as long as we remember to not do it every day of the week. We certainly deserve a day of rest, relaxation and sweets...all of us.