~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Of all the things I have ever written here this is the toughest, for I am a woman greatly changed. His wake was one full of my laughter, tears and coffee. I have a video I would like to offer to travel and it was a perfect touch to a magical send off. My favorite picture is him smiling through the Gamma Knife head piece. Ed waited for his 14th Wedding Anniversary to pass. For 4 weeks no food or water and seeing this I know there is nothing that I cannot do, that you cannot do! Being Marie, I walked into the Hospice room and excitedly and lying I said "Happy Anniversary Baby!!". He shook his paralyzed head NO! I told him that day to let go and it would not be giving up, it would be leaving on his terms...shook his head NO!. He fought for his last breath just as promised and all with a smile. Well that was the 6th of October. He passed on the 16th and I arranged it so he was buried on his Anniversary. He would have wanted that. We officially started our life together that day and officially ended our journey. God I miss him and life is so different.

I am well my Loves, I cannot believe just how well. That comes with doing all we can and looking at what we have in front of us and fighting it. It is never looking back and always looking at the moment. It is knowing that the fight is not over even when your heart does. It means letting go but holding on forever. I had a perfect life for so long and this journey has made me a better stronger person.

December 12th the foundation opens and I will be finally working. The doors have been closing and opening for some time now. I will forever fight breast cancer....I am responsible for my own job description and budget....come on now....this is Believe51 and this bitch is gonna do some damage!!! Pardon me...living in the moment...LOL

I do this in honor of Ed and our other Angels, I do this in tribute to my love and respect for you and I most certainly do it for all of the woman to come.

PS...I just cannot change his status right now and in Facebook I think I am going to change mine to single instead of widow. I hate this...yes I said that word!!

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Dear Marie, I just know that you are going to be a Fighter Extraordinaire...Through your sharing on this board I feel like a true sister of yours, funny how we can know so much about other people without really "knowing" them!!! Our struggles do make us stronger. Please keep in touch!! XO Suzan

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Sweet Marie - you are such an inspiration to everyone... glad you are "back in the saddle" - keeping memories of your dear Ed close to your heart, you will forge on.

all the best
caya

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie, your strength astounds me and still does and I know you'll do amazing work in the future. It's good to hear from you and feel that strength again through your words:)
You go girl!!!

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie,

Doing everything you could for Ed is a major source of comfort. After everything, it really means a lot that you worked tiredlessly to get Ed the best treatment possible, to give him every chance. Doing that helps in letting go and developing another kind of relationship with Ed.

Sending you hugs of comfort and peace,

Joan

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Aww Marie

I'm so glad you're back. You give us so much faith and hope. I love you!

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie,

Great to hear you are back!! I continue to pray for you to find peace.

Hugs,
shobha

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Im so glad you're back on the saddle. You are an amazing and strong woman. Now it is your time to live your life. If you want to put single...than be single. Cherish all those wonderful moments. Thank you for being who you are and God bless.

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie ~
You are just amazing and so glad to read your post. We miss you and know that you will be a great big voice for all of us.
Hugs ~ Ruth

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie,
So glad to see you back. Ed was a mighty oak indeed - and in the end still showed canser who was boss.

Now you are taking the fight back to it. If I didn't hate canser so much I would almost feel sorry for it. It doesn't know what's about to hit it.

Love you so much, sweetie!

Chris

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Thank you for coming back and sharing. You are one impressive woman that I look up to. My thoughts continue to be with you.
Fondly,
Barbara H.

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Hi there, Sweet Marie! I'm glad to see that you're back in the saddle. It's good to hear from you. Keep fighting the good fight. Love, Bill

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Hello, Marie. I read daily, always hoping to see a post from you. I'm very glad to know that you are well, and that you are looking foward to beginning to work. My thoughts remain with you as you put one foot in front of the other.

Hugs,
Barb A.

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Good to hear from you. Welcome back. Try to get some rest before you start your new job. Have a nice Thanksgiving.

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie, it is so good to have you back. I can feel in your words that you are going to be a difference maker in this battle.

Sending hugs and best wishes to you:)

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Well, all I can say, Marie, is that I'm glad you're on my side in this fight! You go kick cancer's cowardly butt!

Welcome home. You have been sorely missed.

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Dear Marie,

Whatever would we do here without you? Your clear, strong voice and indomitable spirit are more than inspirational! What a treasure to know you! My thoughts are with you, concerned but hopeful - keep us posted, please!

Love to you, Donna

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

I was glad when I saw your post.. I have missed you.. and I believe many others on this board would agree .. Take care.
Charlotte

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

You are still such an inspiration --- I so love you!

Its so hard to lose someone --- I know, as I have walked in your shoes (losing someone from cancer), but a accident, it is never easy... your attitude and positive attitude does help ---- hang in there!

From your fellow cancer kicking cowgirl - xoxo Karen

Re: ~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!!
 

Marie, it's such a relief to see your post. You have been in my thoughts constantly. Please, please stay in touch, you have so many who love you and care for you.
God bless you, sweetie.
love and hugs