Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Hi Friends~
I've been rather quiet on the boards lately as I've been enjoying my 3 month rendezvous with NED - my first since 2007 in this 10yr StageIV odyssey. But I check in regularly and to keep tabs on how everyone's doing.
I'm so sad for our sisters who are struggling right now and pray daily for each of us.
Tomorrow is a big day for me - Brain MRI in the morning, then immediately after that I'll see my Rad Onc and get the results, then right after that, a full body PET. I'll see my Onc tomorrow and get the PET scan results at that time.
I've been struggling for weeks now, questioning every little sensation (do I feel something in my brain? is that tickle under my sternum the nodes growing with disease? will a little peptobismal help my stromach ache and nausea? is that my liver or just gas?)and tryng to resist the urge to post here, asking for feed back or researching the internet for symptoms...
Ultimately, I know that we won't know until we KNOW, and all this worry isn't going to contribute to how effective my next treatment or any treatment will be, if I need that next treatment.
I hope and pray to God that I won't need that next treatment. But Thank God there is a next treatment, thanks to Perjecta and TDM1 just around the corner Sometimes the fear is overwhelming. Snowballing thoughts of what the next step will be if my brain &/or body are not clean... having to call my family with sad news, having to post here to you all the sad news, starting a new treatment that may or may not work, and if it doesn't, the disease growing out of control and stealing my time on this earth. The dreaded snowball.
I distract myself with little projects, and happy thoughts and plans for the future, like the next time I'll be with my family this Thanksgiving.
And then I remind myself to breathe.
Will post results as soon as I have them.

Keeping the Faith~

Jml

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

I was feeling just that way as you do, but couldn't put it into words. You have of way of writing it so clearly! Thanks! Sending a hug and positive thoughts your way Jml. I will keep you in my prayers.

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Good luck with the scan and please keep us posted of how you are doing ! Very happy to hear about your vacation with NED and may you always be on vacation :)

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

I'm an "early girl" and lose my mind before and after my 3 month blood tests. I am told from long term survivors that the scanxiety never goes away and the best thing you can do is bring everyone into the "worry space" with you. So we will all worry with you tonight and tomorrow and will anxiously await your news that NED is still hanging out.

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Jessica,
I think I have a good idea of what you're feeling.
I won't know until early November whether the gammaknife was a success, and whether anything else has popped up.

I get the "every little twinge makes me think...is it the cancer?" thing...
I never used to feel that way...
but now that it has attacked my brain, I figure why not other places too!?

It's easy to say, "Don't worry till you know",
"worrying won't keep it away",
"Don't borrow trouble"...
and I know all that.
I've given that advice too!

But, like you...the uncertainty is always there,
gnawing away at my peace of mind.

You're always in my prayers...we brain met survivors have to look out for each other :) ...

but I'll really, really be pestering the Almighty on your behalf for the next few days, my friend!

Be good to yourself
Denise

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

I too am praying very hard that you will get good results from your tests! Gods blessings to you!

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Holding you in prayer Jessica.

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Dear Jessica,

There's no way I can fully understand what you are going through, but your words are so eloquent and from the heart that it gives me and everyone else here some insight. Please remember that you are not going into your scans and meetings tomorrow alone. You will have all of us here at the forum with you in spirit and prayer.

Take care my friend.

~ All my best,

Alice

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Hey Jessica! I'm coming too. And remember that I have gone through at least as many scans and brain MRIs, so will bring what I have learned about remaining steady as I lie in the machines and then wait for the results.

I have learned that my stomach lining is not something else the cancer can take!

Sending you peace and the calm of a placid lake in the mean time.

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Jessica, my thoughts are with you. I hope you can find a way to relax although I know how difficuly it can be. I'll be waiting for your next post hoping with all my heart to read NED. Michka

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Jessica,
So good to see your post. I am thrilled for you that you have had time with NED.

So many of us are right with you on the anxiety roller coaster. One moment you can beat it back and then the next wave comes crashing in. I wish I could make the waiting place easier for you.

Please know that there are so many that are rooting for you and will jump for joy when you report back with good news!!!

Thinking of you.....Lori

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

I can relate to every single word Jessica. Though I haven't had the pleasure of spending time with NED yet I am glad he is with you. May he stay a while longer.
Sending feelings of peace and calm.

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Jessica~ I was wondering how you were doing- glad to hear you were living life full. You so adeptly articulated what our day to day existence can be like! Thinking of you the next couple of days and sending lots of positive light and energy your way!

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Prayers on their way. Looking forward to some good news.

Running on faith,
Penny

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Hi Jessica
Thinking,hoping and praying for good news.

Hugs
Ellie

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Jessica,
Hoping for the best and expecting everything has been going well. Sending you hugs and love.

Paty

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Jessica,

I'm right on your heels with that anxiety. Hopefully I find out the results of my pelvic ultrasound tomorrow. However - that doesn't mean I don't have cancer. It just means they didn't find it on the scan.

I wish we had a little scanner that we could use daily to scan for cancer cells - like the lottery ticket scanner that says "Sorry Not a Winner" only it would say "Awesome! No Cancer Cells Today". Maybe we can get Lani to invent it.

I wish that your worries are unfounded and you will get the all clear.

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Hope you get good news. We're here for you.

Paula

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Prayers and positive energy coming your way. ((hugs))

Re: Scanxiety - Brain MRI & Full Body PET tomorrow~
 

Sending positive thoughts your way Jessica!