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Murder Under the Boardwalk
Dear Friends:
As an amusing diversion, I propose a dramatic presentation performed by the Her2 Community. The production is going to require dozens of performers and everybody is invited to create a character and jump on the stage. If you need help with a character, PM me and I will be glad to offer suggestions. Sometimes it's best to play a character who is completely opposite of your real life. There is no script, we will be making it up as we go along. It is fun to write other characters into difficult situations, but you may want to avoid writing dead ends to the story. Also, it will be a better play if everyone stays 'in character'. The whole point of this thread is to have fun and enjoy the company of the Her2 community. Lee |
Tiptoe and Tex are ready....see they've already been to the boardwalk
But...we can't be sure that what happens "under" the boardwalk, stays there.
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The rain was pounding on the windows of the Jim Rockhead Detective Agency's second story office on the corner of Murray Boulevard and 1st Avenue. Jim Rockhead was sitting behind his shabby desk in his soaked and shabby suit coat. He glanced at the Santa Cruz Gazette and saw the headlines, "Body Found Under The Boardwalk Believed to be Danny Vavoom".
"That's tough luck for Danny, " thought Jim, "he was the only decent member of the Vavoom family other than the old man, but he had worked himself into the hospital." "Oh well," he sighed, "I've got other fish to fry." By 'other fish', what he really meant was a 500 dollar reward for finding Mrs. Ellingfish's pomeranian. "Where can that pampered mutt be?" he wondered aloud. He had already exhausted all his leads and he was sick and tired of sniffing fire hydrants. Jim thoughtlessly sifted through the pile of unpaid bills and last notices on his desk when something which was beginning to happen all too infrequently happened, a knock on the door. "Come in" growled Jim. The door flew open and outlined in the light from the naked bulb in the hallway was her. "Oh no." groaned Jim. It was none other than that socialite gadfly, Valerie Vavoom. She looked as if she was poured into her dark red cocktail dress and someone forgot to say when. She was meticulously groomed to not look meticulous from her red stiletto heals to her crimson pillbox hat. She was trouble with a capital 'RUBBLE', as in the social and emotional rubble of her spoiled trifling of young mens hearts. It couldn't be coincidence that Danny Vavoom was missing and Valerie Vavoom was in my office. "I'm sorry miss, but I'm not taking any appointments today" said Jim gruffly. Valerie opened her mouth to speak, reached for an embroidered handkerchief and started to openly sob. "What's with dames and the waterworks?" Jim wondered to himself. "I'm in over my head on this one and I haven' even figured out what she wants me for. I should throw her out of my office. My office? The rent is due tomorrow and it won't be my office anymore. No more Jim Rockhead Detective Agency, no more hunting for Mrs. Ellingfish's dogs, back to work at the spray cheese factory, and no more second story window overlooking the bathing suit optional beach. His mind was made up! "Ms. Vavoom, how may I help you?" ............ |
"I need your help", she replied, in between sobs. In her mind she's taking his measure and deciding that she could most likely get him to do whatever she wanted.
"Have seat", he says as he jumps up and goes around his desk to shove a stack of old newspapers off the chair. Then sitting on the edge of the desk in front of her he asks,"So what is it I can help you with?" Ms. Vavoom looks around the room as if making sure that noone else was there before answering almost in a whisper, "I'm being blackmailed." |
Before having time to absorb Valerie Vavoom's words, there was
a very quiet tap on the door. Looking up, Jim saw the door slowly open, revealing his secretary Agnes Beasley. Prim and proper Agnes was dripping wet from searching for Mrs. Ellingfish's pomeranian. Her secretarial job included cleaning the bathroom, making coffee, sharing an office with Mr. Rockhead and doing anything possible to assist Rockhead with his paying customers. With her head down and her eyes looking up at Jim Rockhead, Agnes motioned for Jim to follow her into the hallway. Rockhead excused himself from the office, closing the door behind him. "What is it Aggie?" Jim questioned. Without making eye contact with Rockhead, Agnes Beasley began to speak in a very quiet, nervous voice. "I thought you should know, there are rumours on the street, concerning Mrs. Vavoom", she said nervously. "Before you go back into the office, I think you should listen to what I have to say." |
Before Aggie had a chance to begin her story, Jim glanced down at the coffee table in the waiting room and saw a popular gossip rag staring up at him. Curiously, he picked it up after noticing the small picture in the corner and an accompanying name that looked familiar... the caption under it reading "Prominant west coast socialite Valerie Vavoom's rebellious and fun-loving sister, Vivian, occasional girlfriend of Prince Stuart, has been reprimanded by the royal family after being caught frolicking naked and tipsy on palace grounds. The younger sibling blames the news of the mysterious disappearance of her brother-in-law, Danny Vavoom for her recent erratic behavior... "
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Agnes Beasley was relieved that she did not have to tell her boss
the entire story.... happy that he had read part of it in the magazine. She also made a mental note to herself to remove the trashy magazines from the waiting room coffee table and to give it a quick dusting. Everyone on the street was talking about Viv Vavoom's antics while visiting London. Agnes Beasley was quite embarassed at it all and was very happy she did not have to use the word "naked" when explaining the story to Mr. Rockhead. There was more to the story - some important details that did not make it into the trashy magazine. People had been talking about Daniel Vavoom senior. In his hospital bed, on a respirator, Vavoom Sr., known as The Rock because of being the only stable member of the family, had been writing messages on a small white board. He was pleading for help. On several occasions he had asked for the police to be called in, to investigate his daughter in law and her wild sister. The Rock was afraid for his son's safety. He didn't trust the two women. Jim Rockhead re-entered his office trying to absorb and make sense of all of this information. |
At that moment, the office door flew open - Valerie Vavoom storming through in her red dress like jello bouncing on 2 springs.
"That Vivian!", she sobbed, "She's been nothing but trouble since running off to Hollister with that Hungarian Harley dude!" Now she's off in London wearing nothing but her nautical star tattoos raining disgrace down on us all" Seeing the shocked look on Jim and Agnes' faces, she took a deep breath, composed herself and said "I'm so sorry..." |
Agnes looked over at Rockhead with a look that said "we really need the money". Before Rockhead ushered Ms. Vavoom back into his office, Agnes mouthed the words "get a deposit" to her boss.
Then Agnes turned and walked out of the office, thinking that if she at least found the missing pomeranian they would collect $500 and be able to pay some of their mounting bills. She did not envy Mr. Rockhead's position at this time. Agnes willingly went back out into the rain to search for the missing pooch. |
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"Please, Ms. Vavoom, have a seat", Rockhead gestured at a shabby wooden chair with one short leg, purchased from the now defunct Norma's diner along with the grimy coffee pot. "Can I get you some coffee?"
Valerie glanced at the coal black 5 hour old coffee, shuddered, and said "Don't you have anything stronger?" Hmmm, this could be getting interesting...and hell, it's 5 o'clock somewhere...Jim thought, replying "what's the lady's pleasure?" "Martini. Chocolate. Straight up" was the reply. Rockhead blew the dust out of the shaker, filling it generously with ice, gin, a breath of vermouth and 12 M&M's. "Whatever the lady wants" he said as he poured the drink into the only clean tumbler he had. "Now, how can I help you?" "Oh, Mr. Rockhead, I don't know where to begin...You see, it all started 3 weeks ago when I got this letter (handing him a rumpled envelope from Harrah's Reno) from Danny" The phone in his office rang just as Rockhead opened the proffered envelope. "Where for the love of Mike is that Agnes???" he thought as he sat transfixed, looking first at the letter, then at the insistently blinking phone, then at the mascara-streaked socialite sitting before him gently rocking in the off-kilter chair... "Who the hell" he said, reaching for the phone... |
"Hello, Rockhead Detective Agency, can I help you?" Rockhead heard nothing but silence on the other end, and then a barely audible snort of derision, "Det. Sean O'Hare here, Santa Cruz PD. And yes, you can help me by keeping your amateur ass outta my murder investigation." "I don't know what you're talking about, Digger", Rockhead replied. "Listen up, Rock, we seen the Vavoom gal come up to your place. This is police business here, you need to keep out of it." "I'm not in it, right now I'm so busy I can't keep track of all my cases" O'Hare laughs, "I'm surprised you're still in business. You keep outta my case! Got it?! If I see you whistling around my crime scene, we gotta problem." Rockhead chuckles, "Digger, you got nothing to worry about. I'm not taking on any new cases. I'm too busy." "Paly, I ain't worried. You're the one that needs to worry. Good luck with your doggie hunt" and then O'Hare slammed the phone down, knocking a doughnut off of his desk. O'Hare was just reaching for the jelly-filled doughnut when there was a tapping at the window of his office door......
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Within seconds, the tapping turned to the sound of fingernails sliding and scraping down the glass until Jim and Valerie Vavoom heard a thump and person slump to the floor outside the door. Jumping up from his desk, Jim ran to the door fearing that it was Agnes in some sort of distress, while Valerie stumbled in her Manolo Blahniks, and fell, knocking over her Grande Starbuck's and the almost dead plant in the side table.
Jim flung the door open to find a beautiful mess of a 20-something girl slumped on the floor, sobbing. She was soaked through and shivered violently. Her hair was littered with leaves and twigs and next to her was a drenching wet suitcase. She muttered something over and over that was undecipherable to Jim, but sounded like "...rock the world, rock the casbah, rock the world..." Valerie shrieked when she staggered to her feet and saw who was laying on the floor. She ran towards the girl only to trip over a small pomeranian that suddenly dashed into the office from the main hallway... |
"I've just come back from Austin, where I was hiding out at an out-of-the-way bed and breakfast, " she moaned. "The owners there have a real sweetie of a Pom, but I think there is something sinister going on."
"Not with them or their Pom, but in the neighborhood." she gasped. "Me and little fluffball here were followed, I soon discovered. What could be the reason?" "Please, help me, Mr. Ro -c-k-h-e-a---d--," she sighed, passing out from a combination of heat prostration and exhaustion. Her dog yapped and licked her by turns, growling at anyone making like they wished to attempt to revive the slumped over woman. |
More noise ... both Rockhead and Vavoom turned their eyes
toward the stairs as Agnes Beasley came through the door way. Prim and proper Agnes was a mess. Her short, mousy brown hair was full of leaves and twigs. Agnes wore the same clothes every- day ... white cotton underwear, beige panty hose, low healed, sensible shoes, plain white cotton tee shirt and a dark, knee length skirt. She wore no make-up. No one ever gave Agnes a second glance, probably not a first. Agnes was one of the few people that knew, with certainty, that most lives do not have that many options. Agnes knew that this had probably been the reason she was able to get so close to Pom-Pom earlier in the park. Even the pomeranian did not notice her. Approaching, Agnes had been startled by the appearance of the woman with Pom-Pom. She knew this was definitely not Mrs. Ellingfish. Agnes had needed to get close enough to see if the little white pooch was wearing a pink, rhinestone studded ID tag, engraved with the words "Princess". All these little yappy dogs looked the same to Agnes - dust mops without a handle - you have to be careful which end you're talking to. On determining that the pup was indeed Pom-Pom Ellingfish, Agnes easily blended in with the surroundings and gradually crept closer and closer. Upon seeing Agnes, the woman with the ghostly look of fear on her face, bolted. Agnes bent down and scooped up the little mutt and headed back to Rockhead's office. Pom-Pom had eventually squirmed out of Agnes' arms and ran after the woman. Suprisingly, all three were heading in the direction of the Rockhead Agency Agnes was exhausted and made a mental note to get herself in better shape. When Agnes entered the hallway she was shocked to see her boss and Ms. Vavoom hovering over the derelict woman she had seen earlier with Pom-Pom. This wasn't adding up, not making any sense. Agnes recalled an earlier case that had her bamboozled and remembered Mr. Rockhead saying "Aggie, truth is stranger than fiction. You couldn't make this stuff up". Trying to catch her breath, Agnes looked toward her boss for answers. "Aggie, what the hell have you been doing?" Rockhead asked. "Are you okay?" "I found the Ellingfish dog" she replied. "This dog?" inquired Rockhead?". "Yes" replied Agnes. "That's impossible" said Jim, "this pomeranian has been in Austin with this .... this .... this woman." Agnes was looking for the confusion couch. She knew this was Pom-Pom. She was wearing the pink, rhinestone studded ID tag in the shape of a chaisse lounge and it was engraved "Princess". Agnes surveyed the scene and quickly realized that there would be better places to be. In spite of being told that the mutt was being protective of the unidentified woman, Agnes knew this was Pom-Pom E. Agnes got up from the couch, scooped up the little pooch and announced that she was delivering the dog to Mrs. Ellingfish. She left, thinking that at least she would return with the $500 fee for finding the pampered princess. |
"Miss Vavoom, I need you to be very quiet right now. This young lady crumpled at me feet could be a police informant, although I always share all my information with the police, or an agent of nefarious action." said the detective. "Step into my office, sign some papers, and there is the matter of a retainer, and I will be able to help you out.
Valerie Vavoom and Jim Rockhead slip into the office and before Jim closed the door on the crumpled woman on the floor he said, "I wish Agnes was here to tidy up this mess." "Miss Vavoom, we don't have much time, the police have been casing this office, they know you are here, they are probably on their way to arrest you. Sign this contract right here. My fee is a 750 dollar retainer and I get paid 50 dollars a day. You do have cash on you, don't you? Good, now here are the keys to my car, it's the AMC Pacer with the odd colored front fender, you can't miss it, take my car to the Super 7 Motel on the Cabrillo Highway, ask for room 203, the magic fingers bed works in that room, and I'll meet you there in a few hours. Now hurry out the back way." Jim looks out the window and sees a squad car from the Santa Cruz Police Department pulling up in front of his office. "Damn! Detective O'Hare hasn't lost any speed in his middle age." "Now, lets see who is camping in my waiting room." |
The disheveled young woman blinked open her emerald green eyes and tried to think where she was. Oh! The crumpled address had fallen from her bosom and she was brought back to detective Rockhead's "suite."
"My," she thought. "Dog sitting was not turning out to be the easy buck I had imagined." What could be so darned important about this little yapper, mostly bones and fur? Cuteness could not cause all THIS commotion and danger for her. Sure those Poms are cute and friendly, but so are lots of other small lap dogs. Yet this pup was special to someone who had spent a lot of money for the nice collar and professional grooming. But why had she been sent to this place in the event of any trouble, and why had trouble even been expected anyway??? Her green eyes narrowed and she resolved to take on only the larger dogs who might protect her. At that moment the door to the inner office opened and she glanced up from the old Converse tennie runners to a querying face. "I sure hope he can get me out of this, whatever THIS is," she fervently begged the universe. |
When Rockhead entered the room, the girl-woman quickly said, "My name is Sienna Coddington and I live in London." I only came to the United States because my ex-boyfriend needed to find another domestic position. You see, he was recently fired by the Royal family. Geoffrey used to be Prince Stuart's valet."
Rockhead sat and downed the untouched martini and slowly crunched on the undissolved M&Ms. "So Miss Coddington, what are you doing with a top show dog that obviously does not belong to you?" |
Valerie stumbled out the back door, this time breaking the 4 inch heel of her pricey red shoe. DAMN, you think they'd put training wheels on these things she thought as she flung them both down the stairs and followed, barefoot, to the ground floor.
Tiptoe-ing quickly around the shards of broken rolling rock bottles, she moved toward the run down Pacer. Luckily the door was unlocked, because Rock had clearly given her the spare key since the electronic door opener was missing! She was relieved to see the 4 on the floor, thinking "oh, this will be almost like the lamborghini" as she launched out of the parking lot, spitting broken glass and hitting 50 before blowing through the stop sign at the end of the block. "I'm glad Mr. Rockhead has agreed to help me, but I can't understand why he would need to meet secretly at the Motel 7 just so I can show him my letter from Danny" At the thought of her dear brother Danny, whose letter had her so worried, Valerie burst into tears again. "Oh, I so hope he's not in too much danger..." "Well, Mr. Rockhead will help me find him...he seems very kind..." |
Not far from the Super 7 Motel and clearly on the wrong side of town is Mr. Chills, a dive bar to end all dive bars. Alone in the corner table downing his fifth gin and tonic was Geoffrey.
"God damn it", he exclaimed. "Don't these bloody Yanks have any sense of the refined! I've searched night and day and day and night but there is no market for butlers or valets in a 50 mile radius of this dreary place." For the moment, the best Geoffrey could do was maid work at the Super 7 down the street. And a hell hole that place was. "I can't even get bloody maid work at a Ritz Carlton," he angrily whispered to himself. At that moment, shivering and disheveled walked in Valerie Vavoom. "Ahh," thought Geoffrey. Things are starting to look up now! |
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