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-   -   Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21 (https://her2support.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=59097)

Jackie07 09-23-2013 03:20 PM

Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
[Mother had been my care giver since day one - the day I was born! As a premee, I needed special care after she took me home from Neonatal ICU. All through the many diagnoses/treatments, she'd been my best advocate and source of encouragement/support.]

My mother was an amazing woman who had lived an amazing life. The oldest child of a successful merchant in the Capitol of Yunnan - the Southmost province of China, Mother was living a comfortable life when the War broke. Being the first born, she was pampered by Grandpa and raised like a boy. Grandpa scolded Grandma when he found out, after returning from one of his many long business trips, that Mother's feet were 'wrapped' according to tradition (a symbol of status as the girl child is not expected to do any housework the rest of her life.)Grandpa was furious! He'd been travelling to many places and knew the world had changed drastically. The tradition of foot-binding was totally unacceptable! Mother's feet were spared –after suffering for more than a week. Grandpa encouraged Mother to go to college - at a time when most girls would enter arranged marriage by 16... Mother passed the same high expectation to her daughters. The three girls of her six children were raised feminist before we’d even heard of the term!

Mother loves wearing bright-colored clothing and likes to see her youngest daughter dressed in red – traditionally the color resembling good-fortune and happiness. Most of our new clothes were tailor-made by a neighbor living in the same alley before mass production became available/popular. When Oldest Sis was studying fashion design, I became her ‘model’ as well. There was a real cute red dress that I ‘d treasured for a couple of years and the tailor copied Oldest Sis’es design when I’d out-grown the original one. Imaging a slender 5’7’’ teenage girl wearing red from head to toe! (Yes, including a pair of red lofers!)

Quite a few families in our Army village sent their children out of district to attend the star schools in the big city. Those kids suffered from long commute in air-polluted route and were often lack of proper supervision – there’s just nothing good about it! Mother would always try to persuade other parents to send their children to the local schools I’d attended all through junior high. “My daughter never needed any special tutoring and she went on to attend the best college …”

Mother was old-fashioned in many ways (I was born when she was in her late 30's and Father was turning 45). When the government was pushing for family planning/birth control to curb the rapid population growth, she refrained from advocating the policy. Most of the women in her generation have on average 5, 6 children (the most I knew was 9!) – “How could we convince those younger Moms when we ourselves have already had so many children?” Yet when I was attempting to conceive via artificial means, she vehemently expressed her disapproval over the phone: “You have been through a major surgery – you won’t be able to endure the harsh child-labor… I have been there many times, I know how tough it is! ”

Mother insists that "women and men (in that order:) are equal". She hates the smell of cigarette smokes produced by Father at home. Yet in those Commissioners meetings, Mother had often been seen to hold a lit cigarette in between her fingers. She had to act like a man as the only female representative in the Commissioners Court which was composed by mostly ill-mannered local powers with little formal education. To many of the poor and powerless citizens, Mother was their only advocate because she’s not serving to gain profits nor for self interest.

Mother stayed active after retirement. She rode buses to the closest elementary school in the city to partake in folk dancing, sword dancing and fan dancing. She took correspondence courses from National Taiwan Normal University and participated in the writing workshop. She took on Chinese painting and published a collection of her works as well as a biography and a travel note. She also participated in the 'Silver Head Royals' program and visited many schools to share her life story with the students. Mother has achieved the three‘everlasting’ virtues ‘ described by ancient sage: “Do good deeds, achieve great goals, and write something to pass on.” Indeed, just as my late Father would often utter, Mother is a ‘woman with a good fortune’ !

'I can't' does not exist in Mother's vocabulary. When the communists were taking over the Mainland, Mother brought her oldest two children to safety. When she located Father in Taiwan, after thousands of miles travelling escaping the chaos of the war zone (from the Northeast to the Southwest of China, then Shanghai, Hong Kong, and finally Taiwan), Father was beyond himself! Father would often utter: "There's nothing your Mother can not handle. She's smart, resourceful, and above all, she's tough!" I am saddened to see a life vanishing in front of our eyes, yet I am at the same time proud to have such a wonderful Mother who has given me everything I need to face the challenges of life! Good-bye, Mother!

SusanN 09-23-2013 03:36 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
What an amazing mother you were so very blessed to have!! Thank you for sharing her "highlights" of loving, living her life!!
Beautiful, from the inside out, JUST LIKE YOU!!!
Prayers being sent your way for peace and comfort!

NEDenise 09-23-2013 04:08 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Dear Jackie,
My heart breaks for you. I know that your memories will comfort you as the adjust to life without Mother.

I can't help but smile though when I think of your parents being reunited. Such joy!

I'm so sorry you are hurting... you and your loved ones are in my prayers.
Denise

LoisLane 09-23-2013 07:49 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Jackie what a wonderful tribute to your mother. The world she grew up was so different than we have experienced, but your grandfather instilled in her the will and strength to be who she was. Sounds like she experienced her life with confidence, proud of who she was, and passed her strength and ideals on to her children. She was blessed with intelligence,
a joy of life and she wanted to savour it all. You were blessed to have her so long! my thoughts are with you Jackie. Lois

Laurel 09-23-2013 08:32 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Jackie, I am so sorry for the loss of such an amazing and accomplished woman as was your mother. It seems to me that the apple did not fall far from the proverbial tree in the case of you!

Becky 09-24-2013 05:20 AM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Dear Jackie

I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your amazing mother. My heart goes out to you and your family.

StephN 09-24-2013 11:44 AM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Thank you so much, dear Jackie, for sharing this peek into your family's world. Having you rmother's feet unbound must have had a marked effect on her future.

My husband was born in Shanghai, and his family also has many stories of fleeing from the revolutions in Russia and China. Those people did what they HAD to do to survive and therein lies our common ground as we do the same.

I wish peace and comfort for you as you pass through the coming days and weeks.

KDR 09-25-2013 07:07 AM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Jackie,
Heartfelt condolences.
Yours, with love,
Karen

Mandamoo 09-29-2013 03:26 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
My condolences to you Jackie.

Pamelamary 09-29-2013 04:25 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Thinking of you, Jackie - and a wonderful tribute!
Pam.

ElaineM 09-29-2013 08:02 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother,
You will miss her greatly, but she will continue to look after you the rest of your life from wherever she is now.
Hugs

starwishn2 10-03-2013 08:21 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
I am so sorry for your lost. Such a lovely tribute that you shared with us about your mother. A girl always needs her mom. My mother passed away almost 3 years ago. I have missed her every day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
Jeri

waterdreamer 10-03-2013 10:31 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Thank you so much for sharing that, how beautiful, what an amazing role model and caregiver you have been blessed with. May she long continue to watch over you.
Best wishes
Fern

Andrea Barnett Budin 10-05-2013 03:53 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
A most beautiful eulogy, Jackie. You indeed were blessed to have such an extraordinary woman as your mother, guiding you though life! And, look at how strong and brave and determined you are. Good genes and a solid foundation. Nothing will stop you either.

Your colorful mother, with passions and interests that I readily identify with, is surely a loss to the world, and most especially to her beloved family.

90 is a great accomplishment. It is always too soon, though. And I wish, she could have collected more years.

Your love for this remarkable woman is evident. I am so sad to learn of her passing.

Ever fondly, Jackie, and with great admiration for who you are,

Andi

LeahM 10-06-2013 05:26 AM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Jackie
What a memorable life your mother led. I am sorry for your loss but glad you had that strong woman by your side for all these years.
Leah

ammebarb 10-10-2013 03:54 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
I am so sorry, Jackie, for your loss.

Barb .

norkdo 10-10-2013 09:50 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
what an amazing woman. i would love to read a book about her.

Jackie07 10-15-2013 02:36 AM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
1 Attachment(s)
Thanks, everyone. 2nd Sister has just e-mailed several picutures. This is Mother's funeral setting. Attachment 1188 (I have not been home since 1998 when I flew to Taipei to persuade Mother to undergo surgery/treatment for non-Hodgekins Lymphoma. The common belief among Chinese (for a very long time - long before the knowledge about angiogenesis) was that cancer patients would live longer if they could avoid surgery. Mother had the surgery + Chemo + Radiation and had a good quality of life for another 15 years.

Mother and I were very close - I just couldn't take long trips because the cabinet pressure had been and will be too much for my very injured brain.

Adriana Mangus 10-27-2013 02:43 PM

Re: Mother has passed at 90 Sept. 21
 
Jackie,

As I'm reading your Mom's life story--which was fascinating - especially considering the times when she was born--couldn't help but to think about my own mother, who much like yours was born ahead of her time. The word "can't" did not exist in her vocabulary either.

You are so lucky to have had such an amazing woman as a Mother. I truly enjoyed your post. You are such a talented writer.

God Bless you and your family.

Adriana


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