Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Friends,
Today, I went for what was supposed to be my "end of treatment" baseline brain MRI.

Before I even got home from the hospital, my oncologist called me to say, "Denise, the radiologist just called to tell me they found two lesions in your brain."

That was six hours ago. Since then, I've cried, searched the internet to find information about the treatments I thought I should know about. And now...I'm just sad. Deeply sad. I wish I were scared, or angry. Those I get, but sad is not something I do well.

That's why I'm turning to you. No one else in my world can understand how I feel in quite the same way as you do.

I'm so disappointed. I did everything they told me to do. I was brave. Hell! I was even cheerful. And now this.

In a few days, I'll have seen the neurosurgeon, and the radiation oncologist. Then I'll have a plan, and a better idea of what I'm up against. And then I can try to explain to my beautiful sons why we'll all have to head back into the fires of cancer hell again. (I only finished my last Herceptin two weeks ago for cryin out loud!)

Funny how two weeks ago, I thought a shattered wrist was a big deal. Just goes to show...things can always get worse.

Thanks for letting me share. Sorry to be such a downer. I promise...I'll be my old self in a week or so...but right now...I'm just sad.

Denise

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Dear Denise -

Very soon you will know the exact particulars of your two brain lesions. Look at my case. I had two lesions - one was even 3 cm!

You have a very good chance of beating this. Also, please remember that Herceptin - as great as it is - is too large a molecule to pass through your blood brain barrier.

I found my brain mets treatment to be the easiest of all, since it was not something systemic that affected so many of my cells like chemo. You may have Novalis, an improved machine over Gamma Knife. However Gamma Knife or Cyberknife can still be completely effective as it has been for me and so many others against our brain mets.

You might like to know that I had a brain MRI just 10 days ago and it was neg for anything new. That gives me almost 7 years since I had active brain mets.

I wish the same great result for you as well. Be brave in spite of this punch in your gut. You will do well.

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Oh Denise I am so sorry about this and deeply pissed off on your behalf. I don't really have any advice but other more knowledgaeable souls do and will reply.

You are on my prayer list and I hope the pesky little cells get blasted back to kingdom come

Lots of love

Jenny xxx

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Denise, that really sucks. It is ok to feel sad, it is a big shock for you. I know that shortly you will feel ready to fight, you are a strong woman (and a very funny one too, thank you!) I wish you all the best, and hope you will post again soon to let us know how you are doing.
Dawn. Hugs

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Dear Denise, I am so sad to read your post and I understand how you feel. I just hate this sickness. I am happy Steph posted. As soon as you will have your plan you will be able to concentrate on blasting those two stupid mets. Stay strong. I am sending hugs. Michka

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Dear Denise,
We are all sad for you too! It's amazing how the ties grow in this cyber community. I wish you strength and success in the treatment to come.
Best wishes..... Pam

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Oh Sweet Denise, I am so so sorry! This is so hard to believe. I don't know anyone more positive than you are! I too am so glad Steph posted her hope filled journey! Please take stock in it. You have seen this happen here over and over again and look how well more than the majority are doing! You have gained such strength with all of their journeys. Hold tight to your hope filled journey to come. Your wonderful husband who has been there for you every step of the way is still right with you along with your beautiful boys who have seen your strength and courage through this whole ordeal and have become stronger for it.

Trust in the Lord he is always with you. You know all your sisters here will be here twentyfour seven. Please come here often and let us help you through this step as you have always been there for us! Gods blessings to you and your family. Please know that you are in my prayers always!!! Your friend, Nancy

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Dearest Denise! Damn fr**kng disease. I'm angry - really angry, but calming myself down I know you will approach this next hurdle with the grace, courage and positive outlook (and humour), that you bring to life - we are blessed that you are here, although with news like this I wish you weren't here on this forum (if you know what I mean). Thank goodness you are on top of this so quickly - that is a huge positive. And Steph's words are indeed wise words. Sending you a huge hug my friend...... xx

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Oh Denise - I know that sad feeling. Great advice from Steph. Sending you big hugs. xxx

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Oh Denise,
I just don't know what to say. I am so sad for you. You were the first "friend" I made on this board and have really helped me as I started this journey into cancerland. I am only an hour away from you....I will do anything I can for you. Keep strong, stay funny and listen to Sheila. I know you can do this.
((((hugs)))))
Leah

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Dear Denise
Read your post first thing this morning. Felt so very sad and upset about your news.I was glad that you posted here and I know you will get responses from others who have great experience. As I thought about you I also thought about those on here that have done very well with brain mets , Steph, Brenda,Jessica, Joan M. I'm sure they will respond with good suggestions about a way forward.Someone once said to me 'let the first shock pass' then collect your thoughts. I know it's very hard but try to hang in there till you know what you're dealing with.
Lots of hugs coming your way.
Ellie

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

I'm sad with you, Denise, but looking forward to your good news, which WILL be soon. You're in a great place (UPenn, correct?) and loads of prayers are going up for you.

Love,
Penny

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Denise, sorry you have these awful brain mets. I have had wbr and stereotactic radiation , and I get the results of a brain mri later today. I 'feel' something in my head so I am expecting bad news. Just hope they still want to treat them, I have a lot going on elsewhere too.
I wish you well as you go thru treatment. I wish both of us could be as lucky as Stephn. x

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Denise,
It saddens me to read your post. I am at a loss for words. You said it best, we do all that we can possibly do and it isn't always enough. You are not alone in this, you have all of us here right by your side cheering you on. You know that I have always been cheering for you and I will never stop. You (we) can do this,. Your are the little red engine, I think I can, I think I can, I know you can! You are in my prayers. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be weak but we all know how strong you are. Please keep us informed. This is just a small hurdle. Take care my dear friend. In my prayers. God Bless. Darlene

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Damn Denise, so sorry to hear this but Stephanie has great advice and experience and having seen her in the flesh not so long ago I can tell you she looks and seems great and so will you. It takes some time to get over a shock of hearing this but you will and you'll get back into the fight and beat it yet again.
hugs and love
sarah

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Hi Denise,
I am sorry to hear this news. It has been eight years since I recurred with a brain met. I am currently NED.
Kind regards,
Barbara H.

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Damn, what terrible news Denise! I am so sorry to read your post but I know that you will beat these brain mets!! You, me, and everyone on this board are Warriors after the battles we have faced. Now my fellow warrior, go pick up your sword and kick the crap out of those brain mets!

Love and prayers,

Jessica

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Denise...the first friend I made on this board...the little red fire engine that could....I am very very shocked. I am with you on this journey. I was diagnosed only a couple of months behind you. Our cancers are similar in every way. I know that whatever treatments you get will be the top treatments available and you will live many many years to give advice and help others as you have been doing so all along.

In my mind this will be happening to me too, no doubt, so please stay strong to be my inspiration and hope as you have been all along.

I am so very very sad for you. But so encouraged by all the women on here who have prevailed for years and years beyond brain mets.

Love and prayers,
Nora

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

did u have headaches?

Re: Brain Mets &%$#$!! :(
 

Denise,
Very sad to hear your news, but as we all know that there is an emotional rollercoaster we all ride. We are all hear for that ride with you. I know you will beat this with the fire that you had before. We never know how strong we are until we are faced with something that makes us strong. Hang in there our prayers are with you.
Suzanne