update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Well sisters, and brothers...

Looks like I'm teetering on the edge of acute liver failure. I'm still fighting and so far on the right side of the grass, but facing some very scary times.

Ironically, the TACE procedure I had done a few weeks ago actually worked, stopping cancer growth in the small area they did. So that was good news.

The not good news is that the "untreated" areas which were massive continued to "flourish" and sprout new little tumors to the degree that the rest of my liver is just crashing big time. Today my total bili was over 10 from 8.1 Tuesday.

Tuesday was a rather startling day when my onc (who was running 2 1/2 hours behind) looked at me and said "this is it. Your liver is disentegrating. We can give you low dose eribulin, which might land you in the hospital and make you feel sick but might help. I asked what was the alternative and the answer was do nothing, hospice.

So it has been a tearful week realizing my timer might be about to ding. Really hard on my hubby and so also on me because I love him so and hate to see him hurting and feeling that his life is over, too. Hard on my sister and niece as well. I don't fear death, and know it will all make sense from the "other side" but it is so painful to be causing pain to those I love most.

So I'm trying the eribulin and rushing to finish some trust issues...what a dope. About the last minute paperwork that is!

I love you all and am so grateful for the lifeline this group has been for me for so many years.

Will continue to check in as able, so you keep behaving yourselves! The fat lady hasn't sung yet.

Much love
Chris

Re: update I hate to give
 

Oh, Chris. Oh, no.

I'm so sorry. So sad. For you. For your family. For us.

But I can't tell you how grateful I am. To have known you. And to know you love all of us enough to take the time to tell us this. You get it. We're all in this together forever. It's a community. It's a family.

I love you.

Amy

Re: update I hate to give
 

Chris, I'm so sad. This just can't be true. I'm sending you lots of love and also thanks for being you and sharing that you with us. Meeting you at the San Antonio Conference was such a gift to me. It made me so committed to being my own advocate and researcher. You are one very special lady. I'm praying for a Big Miracle. Love and peace in bundles, ma

Re: update I hate to give
 

Chrisy,
You know we have always had a connectedness. Writing to you now, I feel the same way I did when my horse decided not to take a jump and screeched to a halt in front of it. What was that? I am truly stumped on what to say.
But I love you, feel for you, admire you, hold hands with you, and cry for you. Rule out what's influencing the bili numbers, it could just be the new drug...
Chrisy edited and so did I!
With love,
Karen

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Just rereading my post...what a downer it was! So not my style. So I changed it a little.

Forgot to add...the eribulin also increases bilirubin. So although it's very precarious there's questions.

Re: update I hate to give
 

Dear Chris -
I feared your silence meant that things were not going so well. You have been and continue to be very brave and plunge on battle after battle.

When I thought my timer was nearing the dinging point a few years back, I could see all the pain and suffering in the eyes of my family and loved ones. That brought me up short. They tried so hard to be helpful and not show their feelings, but it comes through all the same. It is very hard to reassure your close ones at that stage, but you will do it through love and grace.

My "papers" were not ready either, and that seemed more of reaction to a death knell than tidying up in any event.

My prayers are with you. I will never forget the great time we had as roomies at the swanky spa Miraval. We were free to be ourselves, wander the grounds, have spa services and wonderful treatments like the watsu we discovered. That was WAY back in early January of 2008.

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chris, thanks for updating us, even though you don't like to give us bad news, I can tell. Fingers and toes crossed that the eribulin works for you, and will give you more time. You are an inspiration on this board, full of knowledge, humor and hope
Dawn xxx

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chris,
As you once said to me...I will always be proud to be one of your peeps. Prayers are still headed your way, along with loads of love. You have been a lifeline for me on more than one occasion...and I hope my love and prayers are a comfort to you as you fight this latest, most unfair battle. Cancer sucks! What an inadequate understatement that is!

I'm counting on that one set of footsteps to carry you, and make you feel safe, and loved. Rest easy...but lean hard.

Love you, Chris
Denise

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy, Crap!!! And you know that doesn't really do justice to what I want to write. Love you always, girl. Joan

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

I am dumbfounded ...speechless. You have always chimed in to my worries and boohoo moments and I love you dearly for being as unique and fabulous as you are. But sista....the fat lady has not sung yet. So hike up your nickers and get that eribulin.

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy,
I am so sorry to hear the news, all we can have is hope. I will be praying so this hard time with the medication willnot be as difficult. You have been one of the great examples that BC has given me. I will be praying. Sending you hugs and all my love.

Paty

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy,

Oh I wish that you had received better news. You are very brave in a tough situation.

My husband just had an MRI on his liver this week because it looked "wavy". He comes home from work today with a stomach ache and I'm thinking this is so not good. I did some energy work and Thai abdominal work and he started feeling much better. Then the hospital calls and he gets the all clear on the MRI. Wow. Such a huge relief. So unexpected as he enjoys enough wine to pickle the darn thing. I feel like we dodged a bullet.

What the heck, the Erubilin might be your Unicorn. Maybe the fat lady won't get to sing. On the bright side, your paperwork will be done and you won't have to worry about it.

Sending you love and healing energy

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy you're a fighter and won't call halt until the end, keep on fighting girl!!!!

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy,
I am praying hard for you, your husband and family.
I have admired your grace and strength. I am hoping that we will hear better news.

Hugs,
Jean

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy,
I have spent enough time with you in San Antonio to know that in addition to hearing news you did not want to hear.........that it was likely quite difficult to post your news on the board. I am glad you are going to do eribulin and please do not worry that your post is a "downer". You are lots of things you are (bright, funny, brave, strong) but not someone who puts a negative spin on everything (or really anything). Please post when you can and let us know what is going on. I can imagine how difficult it is for you to watch your family worry during this time. Just love them and let them love you and be your wonderful self.
With love, thoughts and prayers in my mind and heart.
Karen Z

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy, I don't know what to say exactly so I will just stumble around...because I cannot remain silent where you are concerned. I have admired your thoughts and comments over the many years on this board...and so very happy that you did so well on tdm1 for several years...good quality time. Please push on a little more...you have given me (us) faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love...( Ceesun ) Cathy

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Chrisy that post was not a downer. You are one amazing woman. Your acceptance of this progress is given to us with honesty, courage and absolute
strength. I dont know what else to say. It is women like you who guide us here and help us so much. Your posts have made me smile so many times, along with all you other lovely people here. Blessings to you beautiful Chrisy xo

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

I'm so sorry Chrisy. I have often wondered how on earth I will be able to tell my family when that day finally comes for me. I hope I can do it with as much grace as you have. If we didn't have our families, this wouldn't be such a terrible thing to face, would it?

Good luck with your paperwork. I'm hoping that eribulin gives you a lot of time to finish it.

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

Oh my...What brave words you have written. Peace and love to you.

Re: update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)
 

prayers for you and your family.

Darita