Survivor's Guilt
 

Next week is a big week for me. I go for scans, MRI and Bone. I definitely am nervous as I am coming up on 3 years. But something inside me feels guilty. I was told that my cancer was aggressive, it popped up in 6 months after a clear mammo and I was Stage 2b. My doctors said I had a shot at a cure but to also be aware that this cancer tends to come back within the first 3 years. So, subconsciously, I have been bracing myself for the last three years. And here I am. I feel good, other then the odd aches and pains, I have energy, my scans have so far been clear...I'm cautiously happy. However in the last 3 years I have seen many many people die from this crap, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and people I was in treatment with. I have dealt with each loss differently but the last one, Jessica (38, with two little kids) did me in. I am struggling with guilt. Why am I here and she isn't? She was ER+ only. They caught it relatively early like me. But yet, she's gone.
Does anyone else get survivor's guilt? How do you deal with it? I need to get a grip because I find myself crying in traffic when certain songs come on and I end up walking into work a mess.

Re: Survivor's Guilt
 

My girlfriend passed at age 33 with 2 little kids. She had the same Dx as me but yet she never reached NED.. She just went from chemo to chemo to stage 4 to hospice and then passed. I have found that I will never have an answer as to why her but instead I just know she would celebrate with me for beating this cancer, with this knowledge I will continue to advocate for breast cancer awareness.

Re: Survivor's Guilt
 

I know a lot about survivors' guilt, or how the cards are dealt. I escaped the World Trade Center attack. Yet, while I think of those everyday who perished in the most horrific ways, I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us. And I know God was there, and I know that we don't always understand The Plan, be we must accept it. We have no choice.
Your friends would have wanted your success for you. Walk with that.

Your friend,
Karen

Re: Survivor's Guilt
 

I don't have survivor's guilt but I do find myself grieving for those who died from this disease, have serious health problems, and those less fortunate than me. How I deal with this is to start each day thinking of those things that I am grateful for. At the end of the day, I reflect and ask myself "what did I do to help somebody less fortunate". For me, it helps.

Re: Survivor's Guilt
 

This is the reason why the Chinese traditionally would shield the patient (or anyone who's udergoing a traumatic situation) from any kind of bad news. I guess humans have the ability to feel the pain of others. We just can't help but to internalize what we are seeing/hearing/...

Many of us are obviously still in the trauma mode. Talking about it is a good way to resolve it. That's what a support group is for. So thank you again, everyone, for participating in the conversation on this Forum.