~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

I just had a 30 minute conversation and understood nothing. This man I have had 18 years of beautiful conversations and I can't even communicate with. He just turned over a bottle of blue Gatorade over, of course not his fault. In the middle of this mess that gave me chest pains....religious services from Hospice calls....

Not sure I have enough on my plate, this is testing my faith. I might even have to change my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Struggling with God and wondering where the hell he is 'cause he has certainly left us long ago. I am sure I will go to hell because I think my religion is a bunch of garbage!!

This disease SUCKS!!!!

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Oh Marie,

I'm quite certain you won't go to hell and whatever God you believe in is still there with you helping you cope with all this:)
I don't think you could have done it so well for so long otherwise without some divine intervention!!!
I don't know what else to say that I haven't already, but wanted you to know we hear and understand .....can you take a break for an hour and go do something relaxing that you'd enjoy??? Sounds like you need it:)

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie sending BIG HUG'S to you. Prayers still continue.

Take Care of you
 

Marie,
You have been so strong for so very long. You must allow yourself relief....emotionally, physically, spiritually....give yourself a break from being strong. Call it your personal time to whine, cuss, complain to Him....heck, throw something !! Take a break and be stronger for it tomorrow. We will be there with you and understand and love you all the more thru it all.
Hugs and love and prayers, Bonnie

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Thinking about you and sending you a giant hug. I am so so sorry. Please know we are all here to support you in any way you need!

Lisa

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie,
I undsrstand the frustration you are feeling right now. Eight years ago I lost my dear husband of 35 years to glioblastoma. After the brain surgery, he had extensive swelling because of the Gliodele wafers they put in. He lost his total ability to communicate. When he could not talk, he tried to write notes that no one could read. This was a man who was a pharmacist and could normally spell anything in the world. He got so frustrated at me when I could not understand that he threw a blueberry muffin across the room at me while we were still at Duke! I am sure that you know that this is as hard on him as it is on you.

He always (35 years worth) told me that life is for the living and he expected me to continue with my life. I learned after his death that this was the greatest gift he ever gave me. Please remember that as you go through this "hell." Your life will never be the same, but eventually you will be able to greet sunups with a smile. The old cliche', "Time heals," really is true. There will never be a day that you will not think of your Mighty Oak with love, but you will be able to enjoy living again.

You are in my prayers. I pray for strenght for you and peace for your husband.

Sandra

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Dearest Marie,

I have had many periods when I was sure there was no God, because I didn't think he could be so cruel. Then I remembered all of the times in the past where I thought the same thing, only to realize and then completely understand what He was up to when I doubted Him. You will only find peace when you release your will to Him. Let Him handle this, as only He knows how. I know this is a brutally horrible time for you, but you must have faith. Just because things don't go the way WE planned them, doesn't mean that they aren't being handled. When this is over, your faith and your God will be the only things that enable you to go on living. Trust me, I know.

As far as having a conversation with Ed, just look him in the eyes and know that he knows exactly what you are saying, and will "speak" to you in other ways. He needs you now more than ever. Take a break, then sit with him and be his comfort. God will be on one side and you on the other. You are both almost to the finish line with all of this. I envy Ed for having someone like you, and for getting to go home before I do. We'll all get there, in His time not ours. I send you both much love.

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie,

My hearts breaks for you. Go ahead and get mad at God. I would be mad too. Get it out and then start to lean on Him again. He'll get you through this.

My love and prayers to you both.

Tonya

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Thank you Tom ~ I love your words and I hope they provide some comfort to Marie. I can only imagine the unpleasant and dreadful place she is in at this time and my heart completely breaks for her and Ed.

Please know that your words really speak to me and are exactly what I needed to hear/read today.

All the love and peace and comfort to you today, sweet Marie. Whatever you need...

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

((((((((((((((((Marie)))))))))))))))))

What Tom said is perfect. He hears you needs you right now more than ever, he is in there listening to you and praying for you not him. He sees what you are dealing with. God is there, like Tom said he is on the other side. May his time come and be peaceful.

Your my hero!!!!!!!

Randi

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Sweet Marie,

I too have been mad at G-d - don't worry, He can take it. And time does heal all wounds, albeit never entirely in some cases.
I lost my beloved father 18 years ago - he was only 59 (heart attack), leaving my 52 year old mother a widow. I am 51 now, she was only a year older than I am now. I was heartbroken, mad and bitter for a long time. This disease sure sucks.

Try and get some time alone, for a break.

all the best
wishing you peace,
caya

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Sending love and hope for tons of angels to surround you, Marie. It's awful at times and nothing will bring peace, but then from where ever peace and goodness comes, once again the strength appears. You don't have to be perfect Marie, just you and all the things that make Ed and all of us love you. Once again I highly recommend a scream or two. Luvin' ya muchly, ma

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

((((((Marie))))))

Barb A.

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Oh Marie, I know we all feel lost at times and think God has left us, but I always remember the hymn Abide With Me and know he has not left. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jeanette

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

My Dear Marie,
I never tire of re-reading this particular message. It always makes me smile.
"God is crazy about you. He sends you a sunrise everyday, flowers all year round. He has the universe, but prefers to live in your heart…

Love,
Gemma

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie,
I hope Tom's sage words are comforting to you. It's excrutiatingly hard to witness the slipping away of one so loved. My faith that the suffering was almost over helped slightly. The fact I was there helped me later.
You are THERE with Ed , which is so comforting to him, I pray that you are comforted in the future knowing this.
Blessings to you and Ed.

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

May I recommend a book that you may want to read, if not now later. "When God doesn't make Sense"..by James Dobson. My pastor gave it to me and my brother when we were both fighting our cancer. It really helped me a lot and I still go back and read it. You are in my prayers...sherry

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Hugs to you Marie...for hanging in there. Look into Ed's eyes and tell him how much you love him, and hate the struggle that you are both going through right now. Ed is your soul mate, something dear and precious...deal with God later! XO Suzan

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie,

Just big hugs to you and you certainly will not go to hell. You have been wonderful with Ed as he has been with you.

Love and prayers for you two lovely people.

Just do not know what to say, but everyone here is for you.

Janie

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

((((((((((((((((Marie)))))))))))))))))
Everybody has already said things a lot more eloquently than I can. God's still there. Love you sis!