Moved this posting for Nicola's Husband...
 

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Dear Bill, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife and soul mate. She was such a beautiful person and her postings meant alot to all of us. My prayers go out to you during this great loss. May God walk with you and keep you in his arms on your path ahead. Much love, vcikie

Dear Bill
 

Dear Bill,

I just wanted you to know how very sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful Nikki. She shined so brightly, and surely still is aglow, in another place.

We welcome you to our home any time you feel like expressing your thoughts. We understand more than most.
Andi

We are so sorry for your loss. We missed Nikki terrible, she was and still is a beautiful sorry. Your family continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry to hear this news. Thank you for going to the trouble of finding us to let us know. My prayers to you and your family.

Keep Those Thoughts Coming...
 

Hi Bill,

In reading your posts, I am touched by your presence here. It is a way to feel close to Nikki and to be a part of something that meant a great deal to her. Your words mean a great deal, as they are full of wisdom and experience. Bc warriors and our caregivers are all a part of this family, all w/words that brim w/profundity and comfort. We are each uniquely bonded, akin in so many ways. We grieve with you and we are all glad to have you as a part of this special group...
Andi

Thank you all!
 

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers and support. Right now I'm just trying to make it minute by minute. I went back to work yesterday, (I'd been out since Nikki was dx'ed with brain mets back in July) and now I'm just trying to find my way again. From the day Nikki and I got married, I thought only of her and how to make her happy, and when she was dx'ed with the cancer, we still had more good times and closeness than most. Years ago, I wrote a poem that I wish to share with you. "A Warrior's Prayer"
Father in Heaven
Spirit that moves in all things
Grant me the power and wisdom
to do what I must do
keep me strong
and guide me
to my true purpose.
Amen
After Nikki got sick, I thought back and remembered that poem and realized my prayer was answered. I was in the right place at the right time and my life's purpose was to take care of her and love her and I did it as good as I could. Our marriage was the best eight years of our lives. Now I need to find my "new" purpose. Thanks for everything and you guys all stay strong. Love, Bill

Bill,
You had a special life with Nikki.
Namaste

Bill,

Nikki was a very special woman who touched many hearts here. She always had such a postive attitude and offered such encouragement and hope to others. She was fortunate to have such a loving husband. Know that she is at peace and looking down on all of us. She is one of our special angels.

Bill, your Nikki was blessed by your closeness and love for her, just as you were blessed in return.
Thank you for sharing your poem, it's really beautiful.

<3 Lolly

Dear Bill,

What a beautiful poem I am so glad you are here with us. Nicola was a beautiful soul and was so loved by us all here. Please keep in touc with us.

Bill, First and foremost - YOUR POEM IS BEAUTIFUL - I am so sorry that when you called last weekend, I was not abe to provide you with the support I so desparetly wanted to give you. I have been having a bout w/ depresion and I could not talk about Nicola w/o breaking into a million pieces. I just wanted to let you know that my CT was negative. No Acities, No mass. I am just very bloated (9lbs in a month). I was sure there was something amiss! It may be a change in two medications. I changed from tamoxafin to Femara and from Lisinopril to Diovan. I have since gone back to Lisinopril, and my bloating has decreased significantly. My energy level and spirits are getting back to normal just in time for Christmas and our trip to Miraval SPA in AZ. What a blessing! Thank you for all your kind words last week when I was falling apart. You are a wonderful and caring individual and Nikki was extreemly lucky to have fallen in love w/ such a great guy. Peace Karen

Bill, I think as you so perfectly tried to fulfill your purpose, your Nikki fulfilled hers here! She blessed us with her genuiness (sp) and beauty of spirit! Peace and love at this Christmas time.

Oh Karen! You don't owe me any apology whatsoever. I understand how upsetting that phone call was for us both, i'm just so glad you made it. I realize that we have all lost Nicola, only in different ways, and it really hurts for those that knew her best. She had alot of good friends on this site. I'm so glad that you had positive results on your scans, and that your energy level is picking up for the holidays. Thanks for letting me know. I hope you have a great time on your spa trip. I've been sitting here debating with myself on whether or not I should tell you this next part, but I feel like I'm in a group of friends, so here goes.....I went to the doctor weeks ago,for depression and anxiety, etc., understandable, I guess. He gave me a script for Ativan and Ambien to help me sleep. Anyhow, while I was talking to you on the phone, I walked back to the medicine cabinet and took an Ativan. Then, after we finished talking on the phone, I noticed my Ativan bottle was on the kitchen counter, so I checked the bottle in the medicine cabinet and discovered I'd taken an Ambien by mistake! It was early in the afternoon! And I had alot of stuff to do! I thought about trying to run out real quick before it kicked in, but realized that was stupid, so I just grabbed a pillow and blanket and laid down on the couch, lol. It was a good nap. I hope you have a Merry Christmas! Love, Bill

Hi Mary Anne! Thank you for your support and kind words. I hope you and everyone here have a wonderful and peaceful Christmas. Love, Bill

Bill,

I couldn't help but *overhear*... LOL. I know someone who took an Ambien and it didn't work, so he went to a 24 hr Home Depot to shop. He fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed. He is fine. The car not so much. But -- you were very wise to not go out!

I had taken an Ambien, as I do regularly, and an hr later my husband collapsed into unconsciouness. I jumped up to go to him, had his head in my lap on the floor and I couldn't rouse him, so I called an ambulance. I gave them all the necessary information including the list of all his meds I keep in my wallet. They said, Will you be all right to follow us? Yes, I said. I will drive very slowly and carefully. After they left, I realized -- I HAD TAKEN AN AMBIEN. I was wide awake, adrenylin surging... But I called my dghtr back to not go directly to the hosp, but to please pick me up. I was afraid to drive...

We must all keep this important Lesson in mind. Glad you brought it up! And glad you are safe.

Wishing all a Happy Christmas, praying you will be surrounded by love and peace...

Andi

Nicole's spirit still encourages me and gives me courage to go on despite my own health battles this year. Take care hubby and keep her spirit close to heart.