~If First You Do Not Succeed, Try, Try Again Mighty Oak~Chemo Begins 5/14/09
 

I could not post this earlier because I was too busy 'breathing' and 'meditating'.

When Ed postponed chemo last week, May 1, things got a little too confusing for my medical team, something that is not the norm. His bloodwork was not specific for the chemo today but our first chemo nurse we ever had was tending to Ed today. She would get things cracking if anyone could and told us no worries. Poor little guy, he took his Emend, sprayed some numbing stuff on his port and started his other nausea med. My feet were adorned with my lucky 'green shoes' in memory of LuAnn and everything. Before we left the house I held him, I thanked him for fighting, I told him I loved him.

The nurse ordered the right bloodwork and by the time the Ixempra was 'thawed' out the results would be in for Ed's first treatment. She proceeded to give him his Zometa and Faslodex while we waited. Ed did not feel his best and was a little confused, which does happen from time to time. With him being so hard of hearing I made sure this was confusion and not anythng else. He was confused. We were not having the best of vibes to start him today and things were really starting to get more rushed. I started to cry right there in chemo. I feel like a juggler that is in a constant state of balancing and the balancing act was about to spin out of control. I am not complaining for it is this man that has to do the hard work here. We had our hearts set on this and are no strangers to disappointments but we felt better rescheduling. Then that is when my head started whirling out of control. Thoughts of his brain have been worrying me lately and although I push that 'what if' away, it is getting harder and harder to do. Brain MRI coming up soon so I will have to be patient, thoughts pushed away some more.

I felt like when you plan all week to go to the zoo and when you get there it is closed. Ed chose to do his treatment next Thursday and what is another week in the grand scheme of things? Thoughts overwhelmed me of the appointments I needed to change, getting him some more Emend, calling the doctor, rescheduling a test and so on. We were disappointed but we did not have good vibes either. Besides, I was worried about my Hero and the confusion was not going to allow me to accept treatment today. We are both okay with this decision, unexpected as it was.

When we got home I got right to work on a homemade vegetable lasagna and a red sauce for dinner. That kept me busy. I shredded old records and cleaned a while. I revised some pictures and remembered the good ole days. I did some laundry and put away some winter clothes. I wrote out bills.....My candles burned bright and of course I said my prayers for all of us. He slept on and off from the time we got home to now. My anxiety is gone now but as you can see it took me all day. I am breathing and still relaxing with you all tonight, right now. This is the first place I needed to come when I relaxed and I thank you all for bringing me peace. This time I really did not think I would ramble this bad, woops...

Oh, and I do still have good vibes about this treatment plan and my peeps, of course I still believe......Love and Peace is my wish for you all tonight.>>Believe51

PS: Oh yeah he is up right now, hahaha, course I will stay up with him even though I am slurring my speach right now! Wow he makes me laugh.....think I should make us a schedule?? (smiling and happy he is up, no confusion too!)

You both are amazing - brave and strong. Have a lovely weekend together. Will keep good thoughts for an all systems go for next Thursday.

Am sorry to hear of the difficulties you had, but as always can hear your bright and gentle spirit come through even so...
You are both in my prayers,
Diane

Marie,

I am sorry to hear how yesterday went. From you post, I doubt you got to see your chipmunk. Hope you and Ed have a good weekend.

Amelia

Marie,

There is so much in our lives that is beyond our control, and it sounds like this was one of those times. I do hope that by next Thursday Ed has gotten stronger and that the chemo will go well. Thanks for the rambling, it helps you get out your real feelings!

Marie,

It is disappointing when you are all geared up for treatment and it doesn't happen. But, it sounds like you and Ed made the best decision for him. Besides, you're right one week will not make that much of a difference. I am sorry that you had to go through all that anxiety. I hope that next week goes smoother. As always, you and Ed are in my prayers. I am glad you had some together time too.

Tonya

Marie:

You and the Mighty Oak are in our prayers. I am hoping that this round of chemo will finally end this ordeal with cancer.

Lee

Marie,

Your strenght amazes me.... God Bless you.

Marie,

I am spending the afternoon with my daughter tidying up the house (she is doing most of the work!). ;)
Anyway, I ran across the following quote by the computer that I scribbled on a piece of paper and I had to share it with you.

"A Spiritual Warrior is someone who feels life deeply but still knows how to go on with life."

I think it describes you completely. I love your warrior spirit!

Alice

We're all here for you. Keeping you in my prayers.

Marie,

Sending good vibes and a lot of strength to you and Ed, and hopefully his treatment will go as planned.

Hugs,

Joan

Dear Marie and Ed,
Thinking of you both and praying for increased strength. I hope that Ed can get his treatment this Thursday as planned.
Take good care.
karen

Marie, just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for Ed that this Thursday will be a better day and he can start his new treatment. Good luck to both of you.

Well either way we are going for it tomorrow! He has not gained any weight and things are getting scarey but we must give it a shot. We have been a little nervous about his health and the discussions about quality of life has become more frequent. Even still, he will not give up yet, just trying to prepare me for the tougher times that keep coming.

We are waiting for the rest of his relatives to come into town from Colorado and Florida. I cannot wait to get some closure with Mom after the 'Celebration of Life Tribute'. She was cremated and the home was wonderful since she must have told them at one point that Ed was ill. The gentleman came right to the house and will hand deliver her back personally. I just read the obit I wrote for her and it is the most beautiful one I have ever read.

Once this treatment is over I am hoping Ed feels well enough to tribute Mom. I would be sad if he was robbed the chance to mourn properly because of cancer, it has stolen enough from us.

Keep us in those prayers. We are real afraid right now that he is losing this fight.>>Believe51

Marie,
I am grateful that Ed can get his treatment tomorrow. I am praying and thinking of you both. k

Praying that all goes well tomorrow. I hope the side effects are not too hard on Ed but hard on the cancer.

I'll be thinking of you both tomorrow.

Dear Marie,
I hope and pray that the treatment today goes smoothly, and that Ed will soon be feeling stronger. You both have been dealing with so much all at the same time -- I hope having Ed's family members in will be a support to you both.

Emmay

Praying for you today!
Darlene

Marie,

I just wanted to tell you how much I love the image of a Mighty Oak when you refer to Ed. His strength has obviously brought him this far, and this same strength will carry him through to the next step - whatever that may be. I pray that this chemo will zap those nasty cells in his body and that his body will be able to tolerate it once again.

As I think about oak trees, the ones that are MIGHTY are those that have been nurtured and cared for. Thank goodness for the 2 very important nurturers in his life - you and his mother.

I will be praying for you both this whole day.

Alice

He did it, he did it! I will post an update in a few days with how he is feeling. It was an emotional day for us for so many reasons. I used to call his Mom during treatment or shortly after and he would call at night. It was strange not being able to do that, it really hurts bad.

Dad was taken to the hospital twice again since last time I posted. Appears the kidneys were starting to shut down but they stopped that. This time was lack of urine in his urine bag. He gained 5 pounds overnight. He is home but I thought if I posted this people would think I am nuts.

I cannot believe just how many things have happened in the last 2 months. Having treatment made us both feel we have some control over our lives. Whether this works remains to be seen but it felt good acting.

Please God, please no more........and if there is more I will only survive it if my husband gets well.....I am not that strong>>Believe51