Never would have believed it
 

Years ago, when I was younger, me and a good friend of mine were sitting in a restaurant where they served only liquid meals, discussing his recent world travels. Johnny was well-known in our town for his stories and travels, although he could often only travel 8 feet in one direction and then have to turn around and then start over, if you know what I mean, but he was a good friend of mine and whenever he got "back to town", we'd get together and talk about the old days. "where you been, Johnny?" "Billy, this time I went up north like I always wanted to." I spit my dinner all over the table and nearly choked, "north?! you mean up that way?!", I said, waving my hand wildly towards a northern wall that some idiot had built on the southeast corner of the restaurant. "what the hell'd you go and do that for?" Johnny sipped at his dinner quietly, and then looked me straight in the eye, and said,"Bill I seen things up there". He seemed shook up. "what did you see, John?" "Promise you won't think I'm crazy?" I hesitated, because John was a good friend and a good shot, but he was known for "crazy talk". "Naw, man, 'course not. What's up that way?" Johnny took a sip of his dinner, looked around to make sure no one was listening, and looked me straight in the eye and said,"they got pet bears up there 'cross the border and the girls all train 'em to go out with 'em to bars so that real men like me don't get no ideas, know what I mean?" I gazed nervously into my dinner for a second or two, and said,"you know, Johnny, I totally believe you, because for years now, whenever I see a picture of them damn Bigfoot rascals running through the woods, to me, they just look like tall, skinny bears that maybe got loose from somebody, what do you think?" Johnny grinned, validated, and we clanked our dinner plates together and called it a night. I always thought Johnny was crazy until last week when I saw Pinkgirl's new avatar.

Now Bill:

You don't want to be culturally insensitive, do you? I was thinking pretty much along the same lines, but then I remembered in the more primitive cultures they don't have some of the niceties we take for granted in the United States. Things such as MTV, spray cheese, non-socialist flour, and apparently razor blades. Now I ask you, if you never shaved in your life, what would you look like? You'd probably look like that bear creature, only with a longer nose. So, instead of thinking poorly of that poor unfortunate man, or at least I think it's a man but you never know, I once lost a mustache growing contest with my sister-in-law, anyways you should be complementing that person for their warm nose, which in Canada is a pretty amazing thing.

Oh, and Pink Girl, no need to thank me for preserving the honor of Canada. I was glad to help out.

Lee

Lee, Mom and Grandma told me that one of the stipulations of your release was to uphold and preserve the honor of Canada.

The talk that goes on in gin houses over "dinner" never ceases to amaze me.

I'm just wondering what size your dinner plates were?!

Bill:

The statute of limitations ........ errrr ...... I mean, what I meant to say was that I have satisfied the terms of my parole to my satisfaction and I really don't have to uphold the honor of Canada. I just continue doing it because it would be a nice mitigating circumstance next time grandma needs some more flour.