Madame DuBois speaks...
 

There is so much I want to say. I have been sort of silent for the last few days because of the loss of the most AMAZING breast cancer warrior friend. My heart is absolutely broken, and I just am at such a loss. I met Stephanie Koslow on the aol board 4 years ago. We had an instant connection and laughed and cried day and night. First it was always e-mail, posts and then Ambien infested IM's that didn't make sense in the middle of the night. Then it was phone callls all through the long sleepless nights. Through her pain, Stephanie's artisitc talent came out. She started schetching Hudson Valley landscapes that were absolutely amazing and hid a little pink ribbon in each picture. She started to display her art in the newly revised up and coming Poughkeepsie art world - that she helped revise. She was asked to make speaches and was invited to San Antonio this past year to teach an art healing class to one of the pharmacetical companies as a patient advocate. Steph's mom lives in Flushing, NY, so that was a half way mark for us. I'd drive there when she was visiting and we'd go out and have sushi (a huge love for both of us). He step dad always paid! I got to visit Steph in Poughkeepsie a few times over the years and walked across the Hudson River and just stood in the middle of the bridge for the first time in my life. Steph came to visit me on Long Island and we drove around visiting little water ways and just having fun. When I had the bone marrow transplant so far from home, Stephanie's Artistic statements, art and poetry lined my doors as inspiration for others roaming the halls. She learned to snow shoe and hiked mountains when she could barely move. She dated even though she was so sick at times. She took laughter classes and just inspired me to be better.

My biggest problem with Stephanie was her care. She was negative everything and didn't have any chemo at all over the last 3 1/2 years. I really feel her doctors did her the biggest disservice due a person of such dignity.

Stephanie leaves behind a son, Russell, a sister, Kate, her mom and step dad and three cats that she adored. She also leaves behing a legacy of breast cancer art and a "Second Life." She worked with the American Cancer Society in Second Life and her name was Artisitic Fimicoloud.

www.stephaniekoslow.com

As an update to me...I have an extreme iron over load in my liver because of sooooo many blood transfusions. There is also a little bit of graft versus host disease (which actually may be fighting the breast cancer in my lung). I had my second phlebotomy treatment today. They took five units of blood again and gave me a shot of epogen. My blood counts were actually better than last week so I was able to give the blood. They always check first before taking blood. My liver functions are better than last week too. I am on heavy steroids and getting a lot done, but they just lowered my night time dose, so maybe I can sleep a little. I have chipmunk cheeks already, have eaten every thing in the house but have somehow managed to not gain any weight??? I shake a lot, my eyes are blurry and my sugar is way high. I am back on the diabetes meds again. This was all expected. My bathroom will be completely finished tomorrow. I've spackled, sanded, painted trim, changed racks, changed shower curtains and plan on doing the last coat tomorrow (steroids are wonderful). My color is almost back to normal and I got a great hair cut. Everyone says I look great, but my heart is broken over my dear friend. On the other had, I am going to brag a little again. My daughter's awards were for Outstanding achievement in Art & Mural and Highest average in Regents chemistry. She was inducted in to the National Honor Society, the National French Honor Society and the National Art Society. I have been so blessed in so many ways and thank you all for all the support and love you always seems to give so lovingly and freely. I pray for everyone's achievements and my heart breaks at every relapse and set back. Love to you all....

Mary Ann,

I am sure words cannot alleviate your pain and loss. But hopefully prayers and the support of those who care can.

Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and with Stephanie's family.

Maryann, I am so sorry to hear of yet another loss. Especially of such a close friend of yours. She sounds like such an amazing, awe-inspiring woman. I'm so glad that you were blessed to have known her. Our existence is eternal, but the time we have to touch each others lives is fleeting. I feel that God put you into her life to help her, and I feel that you have done that. I know how loss and perceived injustices can feel, but please try to take comfort in the times that you both shared, and know how much you helped her. You're in my thoughts and prayers, Madame. Love, Bill

Maryann,

So sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend and fellow warrior Stephanie. I can only offer my sympathy.

I hope you are feeling well, despite all your own trials. And a big congrats on the wonderful accomplishments of your daughter - There is a great Yiddish expression for this - Shep nachas from the kinder... Which basically means - Take great pride from your children...

all the best
caya

Dear Mary Ann,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, I can understand how heartbroken you are at this moment. Be sure that all of us in this site will be praying for your inner peace and prompt resignation. On the other hand, my deep congrats on your wonderful daughter. Love always,

Paty

Maryanne,

I am glad you and your friend met and shared so much together. The loss of someone so close is very hard. May the memories give you comfort as time passes.

AlaskaAngel

I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. I know it will take time to heal, but you and Stephanie's family will be in my prayers. Her art is beatiful.

Congratulations on your daughter's achievements. I know you are prouds.

Maryann,
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your very dear friend, Stephanie. May her artwork and spirit continue to inspire you in your life.
Congratulations on the outstanding achievements of your daughter!!! I can see how you must feel so blessed and ever so proud of her!!
Warm thoughts to you,
Maryanne

Dear Sweet Maryann..........a real "hero" of mine here at her2support........I follow your posts and progress with SINCERE interest and love because you are such a strong, "go get 'um" and most of all loving soul. You always have so much to share with us and you, going through all you have, can truly encourage us here at her2 support. I am thankful for you.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. It's so sad and so hard to understand the "whys" of this life. No matter how hard we try, we cannot figure out why things happen the way they do. I am thankful your friend has left behind those beautiful paintings you describe. I'll have to check those out using the link you posted. Maryann, I ask our Lord to hold you close and give you His peace today. Know that my prayers will surround you today dear friend.

Also I wanted to say how happy I was to hear of your daughter's accomplishments. Such an awesome mom you are to your children. Their accomplishments don't surprise me a bit. You've shown them great love and care where they were able to flourish with self confidence and an "I CAN DO ANYTHING" attitude like their wonderful mom.

Sending my love to you today Maryann and again....I will be holding you in prayer today.

Mary Jo

Dear Maryann.

I am so sorry for your loss. She was an amazing woman just as you are. Your in my thoughts and prayers my friend!

All my love

Maryann,
I am saddened to read about the loss of your friend
Stefanie. She sounds like a very special woman (just like you) you were fortunate to come into each other life.
I wish I could you offer you more - please know that
I feel your pain and saddness and I send you warm
loving hugs.

Hmmm about your daughter....well the apple sure didn't fall from the tree!

Hugs,
Jean

Maryanne - no words can tell you how sad I am for you for your loss. Times like this really bring it home and some days I feel like I can't breathe from the inevitable reality of life and it's challenges...

You on the other hand are a super woman and I am amazed by your fortitude. Wow. However you pull your bootstraps up everyday through everything you have endured is beyond my comprehension! I don't think I could muster even 1/100th of the emotional or physical strength that you have, Lady!

Very sad to hear about your dear friend who may not have gotten the treatment that might have given her more time. Her talent says a lot about her.
This seems familiar. Did you post a link to her works some time in the past??

I recall some landscapes with the very discreet pink ribbon.

And YOU, my dear one. What is there to say, except that you are bound and determined to be here for your children and see to their accomplishements. Your daughter is a wonder in herself with all those honors!

You all keep each other on your toes.

Wow - Maryann - I am so sorry for your loss. BUT... You are a true fighter and you inspire all. xo
Flori

So sorry to hear of the loss of your buddy. All I can tell you is remember the good times. I'm sure your health challenges only add to the burden. Hang in there - you are a strong woman and inspire many others on this board.

Maryanne,

I'm sorry to hear about you friend Stephanie. I too lost a good friend in January who I meet three years ago at the local breast cancer survivors group. She was also triple negative. She left behind two college-age children.

I'm glad to hear that you're doing better.

Joan

Sorry to hear about your friend. I know you have been through a lot lately yourself, but from the description of your handiwork it seems like you are a mighty strong woman. God bless.

you're amazing. keep up the good fight.
hugs and love
sarah

Mary Ann, I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. You are so amazing and brave. You give us all so much encouragement. Congratulations on your daughter's accomplishments.