Sos!
 

I don't know how to help my friend. I am devastated for her.

About 1.5 years ago, she was diagnosed with rectal cancer. She did chemotherapy and radiation and all seemed well. Earlier this year, she found out that the cancer had returned and underwent a permanent ostomy and permanent closing of the rectum. Two days ago, she found out the (colon) cancer has metastasized to her lungs and thoracic cavity.

She has lost two babies just under the age of three due to a rare disorder (Leigh's) in which both parents must be a carrier of the gene. What are the odds of this happening? One in a million? Keep your girls, but your male kids die?

I have not spoken to her, but got the results from her sister. She is not responding to anyone's calls. I feel sooo helpless. How much can one person take? Just hurting so bad for her.

They do not want to do anything "right now" about the mets, but have taken and watch and wait approach. She's in NYC at a major cancer center.

What would you do? Any comments or suggestions?

Thanks
Karen

Re: Sos!
 

Such a tragic post! As you say, how much can a person take?

If your friend is not answering it normally means that they are still trying to process the full meaning of that news. Can you send her something? Maybe not flowers but something between you two so she will know you are keeping her in your thoughts.

Seems to me that a "watch and wait" is code for "this woman is too fragile to handle any strong drugs that might have effect against that cancer." I am very sorry that family has this news now or any time of the year.

Re: Sos!
 

I am so sorry to read this about your dear friend. She must be devastated. She my be processing this information and just not ready to talk. Perhaps " being there" when she ready and also prayers ... sorry.

Re: Sos!
 

It is tough to know what to do. I have a friend right now who is "out of options". I've been introdiucing her to alternative therapies to calm her body and get her to relax, all body work, no vitamins or supplements. Just be there for her when she needs you. A card or something she likes is always good.

Re: Sos!
 

Do you think she is out of options? I'm not sure if I am reading this right. Is that what "watch and wait" means? I have heard some some lung cancers are left untreated. I'm going to research this. She's young, and has young children. She is informed as a pediatric critical care nurse for the last 30 years. She knows things medical. I just want to know so badly what it all means. All I know is...breast cancer...specific to HER2+ and some on triple negative.

Thanks,
Karen

Re: Sos!
 

Karen, Just wanted to respond to the SOS....wish I could offer some suggestions, but I am at a loss. This seems so unfair, but those of us with BC know the lack of fairness with our disease. Your friend's illness and disorder seem so rare that I would think she would need experts to guide her treatment plan. I am sure that after some time to process, she will respond to you and others. Must be hard at holiday time, too. I will keep her in my thoughts and I am thinking of you, too, as your action plan takes shape. Sincerely, Cathy (Ceesun)

Re: Sos!
 

Right, you are, KDR -
We know very little about how other cancers behave and how best to treat them. But the only way I understand the term "watch and wait" approach is when one is either doing very well and seems to be in control of their cancer or the opposite.

Perhaps her kind of rectal cancer is as unusual as some of our subtypes, but in this day and age there should be some treatment unless this is a short term wait and a team is assessing her.

Did you learn anything useful?

Re: Sos!
 

Karen it is such a poignant situation that the answer is not easy. You can just very softly make her know, through her family or by a little card, that you are there and that when she feels like it, she can talk to you. Until you can talk to her it is difficult to understand what is going through her head. She has to recuperate from this new blow. I understand how much this is distressing for you. Hugs. Michka

Re: Sos!
 

When I was first diagnosed, I refused to see anyone, talk to anyone, or go anywhere. I had to spend time in prayer and processing everything. I remember getting irritated at one particular pushy friend, but am now thankful that she kept trying, because she convinced me to go to a teaching hospital an hour away, rather than staying with our local doctors (who are sweet but not as up to date).

I wish I knew what would work for your friend but only time will tell. It looks like you're on the right track, trying to get info. Keep plugging away. I just said a prayer for her. Keep us posted.

- Penny

Re: Sos!
 

Karen I know how helpless you feel, many of us have been in this situation with close friends. I agree with Stephanie, your friend needs time to think and digest this information and answering friends about what you want to do is distressing or stressing. She needs time to calmly decide what to do. and the more you have to explain what your diagnosis is and have to answer questions about what you're going to do, just makes you anxious; I know we've all been there. our friends meant well but their concern and questions just made us more anxious. so give her time. if you come across some great medical info, email her family. maybe send a nice card and some chocolates.
you're a caring person, take care of yourself.
hugs sarah

Re: Sos!
 

Thank you all so much. All insight is appreciated, as always.

Warmly,
Karen

Re: Sos!
 

I'm so sorry about your friend Karen, I have two friends who had lung cancer and given a year at the most and both are doing great and six years out, I know we're all aware some respond better than others but just wanted to reassure you that even lung cancer can be survivable for some.

Re: Sos!
 

She called! She needed to digest the information. Seems that the lung spots were noticeable but not really measurable on a scan last November and remain small, so they are slow-growing. That's good. Onco wants to scan again in March. CEA is only 6. Not too bad. She fell down, but she's back up and fighting! YES!
Thank you for your responses. Each case is so individual. Once on this board, Jackie said something to the effect, "there is no rest for a soldier's daughter..." and that, along with Desiderata is the way I live. I will help her as much as I can, and she is very open to that.
Karen

Re: Sos!
 

Karen,

I'm glad your friend is able to talk now. Your experience with cancer will help you to help her. One of the few benefits of the cancer experience I guess.

Best wishes to you both,

Aussie Girl