News
 

Hi all,

Wishing you all a lucky New Year!

In a turn of situation it appears that my tumours where not growing as fast as initially thought (wrong measuring in the october scan of the tumours..crazy!) and was able to convinced them that I should have surgery (initially declined).

The right lung was operated on in mid december:
Yes surgeons are pessimist gore and I was told upon waking up that they nearly closed me up when they went in as It had spread to the chest wall and that one of my rib was at breaking up point. I was also told that they pelled off a tumour attached to the 1st to the 3rd rib.. and that they did not think they would bother do the left side of my lung.

However as it turned out the histology report was rather positive and said that the chest wall had not been invaded and that all the margins were clear!

I was called a few days ago to say that if the left side lung tumours are behaving they would be the left side too.

this would mean that cancer would be gone from my vital organs and therefore give me much more extra time for the miracle HER2+ breakthough drug to come through for us all..

Truth I am tired, exhausted in fact, I feel battered and I think I am also quite depressed since the treatments and feeling sh*t as been my lot in the last 2 years. My puppy is doing a good job to get me out of the house every day for a lovely walk which keeps me afloat along with her lovely company. I have become rather sensitive and afraid of pain after being poked inside so many times. Lung surgery was particularly painful I found. I hope that I (and many of us) can have a break from painful and toxic treatment in the near future. I know I should be more grateful at the turn of situation the thing is I have become cynical and I am aware that we have not checked other areas such as my brain (2yrs my last scan)..truth I do not even want to ask for a scans, I know I should be hopeful but instead I have become quite detached to the outcome.

All love

Re: News
 

What a cute, cute puppy !! Your puppy looks so sweet.
With a new year just beginning there is hope for approval for new and better treatments and new developments in the field of cancer.
You did have some good news and that is fantastic.
Spring flowers will be blooming in a few months.
I bet you would love to take a walk and enjoy the beautiful spring flowers with your puppy. Hang in there and keep putting one foot in front of the other, so you will be able to do that.
I have my fingers crossed that you will be able to do that. Blessings of peace, and good health to you in 2012.

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Sounds like you have reason to be optimistic - try to hang on to that, and hope that the next round of Her2+ treatments will be the magic bullet for you.

all the best
caya

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SO glad to see you post, FOB!

Aging isn't always popular, but with every year you age I like to think you have a little more protection from hormonal influences as time goes by.

Your "owner" has quite a lot of personality in the photo. We acquired our "owner" in California this last fall, who walks us daily too. It is a great life and we are thankful for his thoughtfulness in taking us on. His majesty was temporarily residing at a shelter at the time, but he assured us that his captivity there "was all just a clerical error".

Looking forward to your next post,

A.A.

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Im so happy that you have received optimistic news after your surgery, and how lucky it is they didn't just "sew you up". I can certainly see how that sweet puppy has captured your heart, and so glad you are able to have some encouragement and love there in that little package. Stay strong, keep the faith. Big hugs and prayers to you.

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FOB -
Good to see your post. For the most part your news is very encouraging and I agree, there is much reason to be optimistic. Nevertheless, you have been though an incredible ordeal, both physically and emotionally. This has no doubt sapped your energy and spirit. Keep focused on your healing, be gentle with yourself. You are an inspiration to many, including myself.
Take care
Chris

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Thanks all for your supportive message. I have a tendency to go into hiding when things are just getting too much.. I just get overwhelmed basically and stop answering phone..messages ect.. I know it is not right but with low energy on top of it all it is a very easy vicious circle.

Truth only here do i find people in similar positions. All around me people are having fantastic news: my two best friends got married recently and one is pregnant, another has just got a dream job abroad and is in love .. I am happy for them, not jealous but just how do you RELATE to people???? ..seems I am only busy surviving and loosing bits of me here and there and new scars and.. yes my puppy is doing a good job since only a dog really can share my life as I feel like I am a non ending burden..is surviving a purposeful life?.. I feel like I am at a cross road where part of me refuses to give up and another is so tired of it all and just want peace and the hurt to stop..we would not put a dog through that.. Sorry I know I know..

Day by day
 

FOB,

Hiding does offer healing when it comes to pain, and who sits in judgment on how much is enough?

I did not begin to know you when I met you, and I apologize for that, but over time I have learned more about how unique and precious you are, sick or well.

No one knows what anyone else's endurance might be, and I can only say how much I appreciate you.

More than ever,

A.A.

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A.A,

A very kind post,

Thank you much love send your way too. Glad you also have a dog too now.

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Glad to hear from you, FOB. You are an amazing woman also.

Amelia

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Hi FOB
Just got home from 2 stints in hospital myself and read your post. Wanted to say how amazing you are for finding the spirit and energy to push ahead with very difficult treatments. I am so happy that they got it out, in fact have tears streaming down my face!
Please let us know how you go.
Hugs to you and your beautiful puppy
Ellie