Hitting the wall
 

Chemo #4 tomorrow and have done very well up to now. Loathing everything about the next two weeks and feeling bad that many of us have bigger battles than some aches and pains from TCH.

My mother came to my work this week to see for herself that I was doing OK after a melt-down when my sister called over the weekend (I've always been strong).

I should feel lucky that I GET to fight this with so much ammunition. I even ran a couple days this week thinking this was my recovery week. But I hate that I can't in a couple days and people will be asking how I am because I look so crappy again. I did not recognize myself in the mirror a week ago.

It's the damn unknown! Thanks for listening.

Re: Hitting the wall
 

you are not alone in all these feelings. they will pass, you just have to get through this very hard and difficult period. of course you're depressed and angry but try to remember that you're doing this so that you can live and isn't living fun! so it's worth it. Let go and don't be hard on yourself, no one goes through this without going through lots of emotions and fatigue and nasty side effects but it does end.
Love your bathing suit comment!!! you obviously have a delicious sense of humor.
take care
hugs and love
sarah

Re: Hitting the wall
 

I remember it so vividly. I wanted to quit at 4 but was encouraged not to since I was almost there and my hair was already gone so I did it. I referred to myself as a freak show cuz I didn't recognize myself. I had no self esteem and was so depressed, angry u name it that was me but now that's is done I look back and say well it wasn't all that bad. Not fun but doable. U will get thru this. I found the last 2 easier, maybe it was mind over matter cuz I knew it was the end, not sure. In a few months u will start to recognize yourself again, feel better and live. Hang in there!

Re: Hitting the wall
 

Emotional fluctuations are so normal, even with pp that dont have to deal with this crappy diseases. Once the treatment is over, you will feel so much better ! Don't worry about what people are wondering about you... If running is too exhausting, maybe a light walk? Putting on make up and wig will make you feel better about yourself. It worked for me .

Re: Hitting the wall
 

"When you're going through hell, keep going"! That slogan worked for me in the final slog
You feel like its never going to get better and you will always feel this way. And then, one day, it's behind you and you can feel proud at your accomplishments
Keep the faith!!!!!!

Re: Hitting the wall
 

Be gentle with yourself, chemo can be rough stuff, and it's physical impact is cumulative and will definitely take its toll. You can be grateful you have these powerful weapons to fight with, yet still be wearied and want to to be "over" at the same time.

It's hard to feel positive when you actually feel crappy and you have my permission to melt down whenever you need to.

Hang in there, you can and will get through this.

Chris

Re: Hitting the wall
 

Next to last chemo is the hardest mentally. Your last one is a breeze! You are almost there!

Re: Hitting the wall
 

"Keep going!"

In long distance running in junior high (not sure if it's still valid today :) our young coach had taught us to do 'double breathing' - breathing in twice and then breathng out twice. That was supposed to increase the oxygen input and the CO2 output.

But I think that focusing on our breathing also took our attention away from the aches and pains ...

Sending you good vibes.

Re: Hitting the wall
 

Bonnie! So true! You're an inspiration.

Re: Hitting the wall
 

Thanks everyone. Today is the fist day of feeling the effects of the chemo. Drank gallons of water this time since Thurs. although I did go for a 35 minute jog yesterday knowing it would be awhile (I love, love running). So I'll stick to walking for a week or so and see how it goes. I did not anticipate being one who would hit the wall since I've done so well thus far. Was loving that recovery week and didn't want to let go of feeling so good!

Thanks everyone, I'm going to get to Church today no matter what because this is nothing compared to what He endured for me.

Happy Sunday!