feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Had the gamma knife procedure to three spots but the MRI right before showed five tiny spots too small to treat.. also the fluid I had drained a week ago is building up again and it was non malignant so I'm wondering if my liver is beat up or scarred? I see oncologist tomorrow...

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing I have no advice sadly but just wanted to send you good wishes and (((hugs))) and hope others that know more can lift your spirits. xx

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

I can't bare the thought of leaving my daughter

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

I have no words that will make this nightmare any less than what it is. But I think your Oncologist will have a plan. These days they have so many combinations of drugs and options.
Sending love, hope and prayers

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing,
I am not in your shoes, but I have been at the place which I felt hopeless. Today's medicine and technology has kept so many of us well and alive longer than ever can be imagined. This is the time to keep on fighting for your health, your life, a longer time with your daughter. Don't give up now. Talk w/your oncologist and expect a plan that will work for your total health. I will be praying for you and sending you hope. Pam

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

I'm so sorry you're so down right now but really see what the onc says but like Europa said there are so many options now. I understand the fear of leaving children but maybe that could be a reason to fight? Is your daughter young?
So many hugs and prayers to you. Cathy

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing, I am hoping along with everyone else here the oncologist will have a plan for you ... please keep us posted! I don't have any advice but wanted you to know I am thinking of and rooting for you!

Carol Ann

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing,
I am not familiar with what drugs you have taken? Where are you being treated? Are you happy with your doctors?
Tell us about your daughter. We understand your feelings very well.
There is a lot of good, sound advice to be had here, and many friends and connections to make. Disheartening news and repeated knockdowns can put anyone in darkness, not just you; you are not alone.
As Bonnie would famously say, "Keep the faith."
Write when you can,
Your friend,
Karen

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing,

I'm sorry to hear your despair, having a child while battling cancer is the worst nightmare come true. But as others have said, there are so many options out there now. Women are having complete response, and many have been on here for years to offer support and hope to us still much newer. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.
-Julie

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing, please know that I'm hoping and praying very hard for you and your family. Gods blessings

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Will be thinking of you tomorrow - let us know how it goes.
Best wishes....Pam

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing as I lay down to sleep I will be saying a prayer for you . Just wanted you to know prayers are being said for you on this night.

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

KDR is right! My manta is "keep the faith" because we see miracles here all the time. And even when we're down, it's important to have hope. That's what keeps us all going. A day at a time. You're here today with your daughter so don't squander it with worry about the future Enjoy right now. And take comfort in all the medical advances and interventions that we read about here all the time. It can all be managed. We are here for you and will offer support and love. It wold help if we knew a little more about you
Keep the faith

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Dear Debsing,
So sorry you're feeling so much despair but it's normal with cancer.
As others have said there are many treatments available, Try to get your boxing gloves back on and ask for solutions and maybe it's time to see other oncologists and get their opinions and maybe another surgeon,
you didn't mention the drugs you've taken or where you live,
many on this forum have traveled your road and have good advice but I know all will say, keep up the fight, the war isn't over, this is just another tough battle unfortunately.
I hope you have a good family and friends nearby to support you,
when you can, let us know what your onc says, what drugs you've taken, where you live and what you plan to do. we are thinking of you,
hugs and love sarah

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing, I know that feeling but don't loose hope. What treament have you had so far? Did your oncs figure out what was generating the fluid? Stay strong, love, Michka

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Thinking of you and sending you healing energy and prayers to you and your daughter.
Lisa

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing, thinking of you today when you visit your onc. As many are saying, please keep the faith that there will be a way over this hurdle. Big hugs,
Marie x

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing,

Keep us posted. We are all waiting to hear news of your visit with your oncologist

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

I saying a healing prayer for you right now.

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Oncologist says I'm on to herceptin, tykerb and halaven combo.. that's the good news.. the bad news is if it doesn't work he believes I'll need hospice

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Thinking of you, too...just said prayer. Ceesun

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or a Phase 1 trial for another marker besides Her2?

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Hi Debbie,

Gamma-knife can be repeated when/if the little tiny ones grow bigger ... Several long-time survivors have used Gamma-knife repeatedly and brain mets were never the major problem.

Be sure to walk regularly to get your strength up as this is going to be a long, tough fight. Exercise increases endorphin which boosts both our mood and immune ability.

Hang in there. There is a 'Calling all stage IV Sisters' thread where you can read inspiring stories and discussions: http://her2support.org/vbulletin/sho...+stage+sisters Check out entry 278 to view the list of stage IV fighters (there are many more as the list hasn't been updated for a year.)

Ask any questions. Someone will have/find an answer for you. We are all in this together.

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

I echo Lizbeth's suggestion. There may be new treatments that could help you.

I won't say "keep fighting" or "think positively." You get to feel what you feel. It's your life. You should do whatever gives you peace, and the best possible quality of life.

Just remember there's more to "healing" than being disease-free. Your wholeness is not dependent on your physical condition.

Nevertheless, if I were in your shoes I'd get a second and even third opinion, from a research hospital that does clinical trials.

Prayers and positive energy to you.

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

i am so amazed at the perfect words uttered by the women here, deb. I second them all. what i am so in awe of, is that only women who have experienced the fear can say these perfect things.
debsing: i will say a prayer tonight for you. all the beautiful hearts here are holding you as we drift off to sleep tonight. Please feel our love bathing you.

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Sometimes words are hard to find, but I read this and wanted to share it. The love of your child is like no other, so I feel your pain.

When Saul was chasing King David and threatening to kill him, God restored his courage and confidence. When David lost his son, God restored his soul. David wrote Psalm 23; The Lord leads me besides still waters and he restores my soul.

I will say a prayer that God will give you hope, strength, and restore your soul for the road ahead just like King David.

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

DEBSING -- first I am so sorry you are going through this ordeal. And I get that's it's really scary and I know that look from those who are coming to you that says, You're a dead woman. I'm all too familiar with that.

I just KNEW they were wrong. Super compassionate pp who just don't get what it's like to be on this side of those eyes.

You say you have a blockage. Have you been told that specifically? Meaning your bowels/intestines are blocked and you can't poop? Are they giving you enemas and meds to unblock you?

I'm confused, cause then you say no one will drain your ascites. That's a whole other issue. Is your belly bloated? Is a gastro doc conferring with you? Is it liver related? Does it involve pancreatitis?

Are you getting answers? It doesn't sound like it. Do you need a 2nd independent oncological opinion? That's what I'm thinking.

I pray for your physical and emotional relief.

Are they doing tests? Taking xrays? Getting to the root cause of your symptoms?

Please DO NOT DESPAIR OR ALLOW FEAR TO TAKE HOLD OF YOU AND YOUR ACTIONS. TAKE CHARGE OF THIS SITUATION IMMEDIATELY AND DETERMINE TO MAKE GOOD PROGRESS STARTING TOMORROW -- LIKE 6 AM TOMORROW!

Sending you hugs and the strength to take charge of this situation as best you can.

Do you have someone close to you advocating for you? If not, YOU must participate in this process and find out what is precisely going on with your body.

Please let us all know how you're doing, cause your Sisters truly care about you!

LOVE,
ANDI

I'm going to post this in your other thread too, cause I really want you to hear what I have to say...

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

Debsing,
Sorry. I have been kind of busy for the past six to eight months. Nina had Intrathecal Herceptin with excellent results. Have they looked at this for you? Ommaya reservoirs are used commonly for Brain Primary cancer, so it was not a big jump to think about them for Her+ brain mets. Herceptin works for many Breast cancers not in the brain or spine. I was able to convince doctors to use this concept. Started at 40 mgs and increased to 80 mgs on a 62 kg body weight. High dose is needed due to the quick change out of the drug in the spinal fluid. 26 months since start of treatment. There is a spot that has been around for four years that is a little bit of a concern. The question is whether it is due to Radiation, return of disease, or from the Herceptin attacking the cells. Other options are triple the IV dose of Herceptin to overcome the blood brain barrier; disrupt the BBB with other means; or play whack a mole using SRS (Gamma knife).
Keep positive. This is an area that many realize is impotrtant.

Paul

Re: feeling less and less like I'll be here much longer
 

The goo news is that you have another option. And if the bad news happens, you will get a second opinion and/or a trial. Or perhaps you will decide that enough is enough. You never know what it will feel like when you climb the next step on your cancer journey. Whatever that step is, you will deal with it.

How old is your daughter?

Sending gentle hugs

Jacqueline