Might need help with "Lee"
 

Hi everybody! I'm a little concerned here. Bear with me, and follow the logic. I've noticed that Lee has been posting quite a bit lately, and has recently used the word "mountebank" in a post, and to the best of my knowledge, only two people on the planet use that word, me and Lee. My middle name is Lee. I also use the word "rapscallion". If I see "Lee" use that word in a post I will Freak Out! And here's why- Marlys, who is a self-proclaimed psychotic professional, once said that I exhibited "signs". Aw crap, I thought, of all the cancer support groups in the world, I happen to roll up into this one, and I get fingered immediately by the only psychotic professional on the world wide web. Ok, I'm already nervous, and then this new guy, let's call him "L" shows up, and he has a very similar writing style and diction. And tonight, he says, "mountebank" and all of a sudden, the light clicked, "oh, frigg" this is just like the Fight Club movie, and I'm the Brad Pitt guy and Lee's Edward Norton (Lee, I'm doing the casting here) only they turn out to be one and the same. I'm always feeling sleep deprived, so maybe I get up at strange hours of the night and post as"Lee". If I find out that "L" was born on Nov. 30 I'm gonna freak to the moon!

Bill - does someone need a nap?

I do believe that there is a parallel universe out there, and maybe Lee is your doppelgänger...

Dear Bill:

Or maybe I should say dear Lee. I thought you and I were the only sane people in the world, and now I am having my doubts about you.

Its probably just a case of all the cheap drugs you took in high school. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I am locking my door at night.

Best wishes,

The other Lee

P.S.

I have used the word 'rapscallion' before. You see, I don't like cussing because of the incredible vocabulary limitations traditional American cursing leads you to. After stringing the six bad words together and throwing in a 'mother' into the mix, you end up with something everyone has already heard. If you are going to curse, you might as well be amusing.

P.P.S.

Have you ever called someone a 'cow-hearted yeasty codpiece'? Just curious.

Scary!!!!!

Lee, I mean Bill...what about hucklebuck? Is there anyone else who has used the word doppelganger? But I've noticed that YOU post at all hours of the day and night, playing that time zone thing thinking we won't notice...

You rapscallion, always keeping us on our toes!

I fear a meltdown is imminent!
 

Well, what I'm most worried about is what if Bill's comments to Lee have in some way offended Lee? Then Lee will call Wild Bill and ignorant so-and-so, then Pink will jump to Bill's defense, then I'll say "can't we all just get along" and then, worst of all, Bill will start apologizing again and the traffic will get so heavy it will shut down the Her2site and possibly even the whole internet!

Please, Bill, get some help - quick!

BTW, did you notice that I managed to say that all without using a period, in solidarity with Flori's comma and those who have lost their oo's?

I am OK with this, just so we don't have an Evil Twin phenom going on here!

So, you fellas behave.

Hahaha! You guys are so funny. Got me laughing and grinnin'. Lee, (as if that's your real name) I've never called anyone a "cow-hearted yeasty cod-piece", but I think I might soon, just to try it out, and just to set the record straight, I did not do cheap drugs in high school. (Trying to get to the bottom of this) So...Lee... you are from Oregon, I see, Oregon City to be precise. What's strange is I've never met anyone from Oregon, or known anyone to have been to Oregon. Oregon City, come on. I'm pretty sure it's not even a real place. I think you made it up. That's like me asking Chrisy where she's from and she says, "Cal-Cal-California-town" or Pinkgirl "Canada-ville".

I am loving "cow hearted yeasty cod piece"... can I borrow that? I can think of a multitude of uses for it!

Don't worry Sweet Steph, we're just wrasslin'. (Lady Pink would you really come to my defense? I can see it now.....Honey!!! Saddle up the dogs! Bill from America-ton is in trouble! We gotta hoof it down there and bail his ass out again!) Lee, I like your thinking(of course) but I kinda like "You cow-hearted yeasty cod-piece 'SOB'". It seems to flow well.

Dear Bill:

If that is in fact your real name. (Just to get creepy, I say that phrase a lot. But I, or maybe it's you, I'm not real sure about any of this anymore, then top it off with an accusation that said person is actually a member of the witness protection program).

Anyways, you say you never heard of someone from Oregon City? And do you admit that in a previous post that you mentioned a certain movie? A movie entitled, "The Fight Club"? And Bill, did you know the name of the author of the Fight Club? He is none other than a gentleman named Chuck Pahliniuk. And did you know where Mr. Pahliniuk was living when he wrote The Fight Club? No? Would you be surprised to find out that Chuck Pahliniuk lived in Oregon City when he wrote The Fight Club.

"GASP!", says the jury.

"I will have ORDER in my court room," bellowed the judge.

Bill, or Lee, I'm not real sure anymore, crumples in the witness stand and says, "Make it stop! Make it all go away! It's all an extraordinary coincidence."

I say, "But I don't believe in coincidences."

Bill looks up and says, "Somehow, I just knew you were going to say that."

I think the script writer is going atwitterpated.

Are we still in English?? Or is Shakespeare about to butt in here??

Ok, now it's getting weird. That book is on my nightstand, untouched and unread, given to me by my son a few months ago when he moved in with me. Dammit, it gets curiouser and curiouser. I've been accused of being in the WPP before, but I'm not, honest. Y'all believe me, right?

I think I figured it out...
 

...Lee is Bill's alter ego. "They" are not Bill and Lee, but rather Billy...

Hmm.....

Bill:

Just because you aren't a member of the witness protection program doesn't mean you shouldn't be.

The 'cow-hearted yeasty codpiece' is something I use for International Talk like a Pirate Day (ITLAPD), which is my favorite holiday. During ITLAPD you really need to bring your 'A' game. A few Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs just doesn't cut it. You need to come up with something like:

'Shove off, you scupper sucking cow-hearted yeasty codpiece I need some leeway to unfurl me mainsails.'

Translation, "I could use a little space."

Now which one sounds better?

It is becomming more clear.
OK, so Lee was a Buccanneer in his past life, Matey. Who was your favorite?

What was the Bill half of you guys? A Swami?

I'm glad it's getting clearer for you Steph. It's not for me. Gerri, my closest friends and family do call me Billy, and another book on my nightstand is called "Pirate Soul", all about pirates. I'm getting nervous about Lee talking about the books I have on my nightstand. Lee, I think I need to bolt my door at night. I'm getting creeped out again. Can't y'all see? It's him, not me! He's devious.

Dear Bill:

Me devious? Absolutely not. I'm no mountebank! Of course that would be my answer if I were devious or not. At least I was honest enough to point that out. Or devious.

At least I can be discreet. Notice how I didn't mention the life sized inflatable Brady Bunch Doll kit you hide in the back of your bedroom closet. Something like that would bring up the most rampant type of speculation. So lets just keep that one to ourselves. You can thank me for that one later. Jan Brady was so hot!

Lee

Hmmm, I agree, Jan Brady was hot as a fire-cracker, by anyone's standards, but I don't have the Brady Bunch doll kit in my closet. Maybe you do, Lee, and once again, you have misdirected attention from yourself, towards me. Many would consider it odd that you first mentioned "cheap drugs" in high school and the "Jan and Marcia Dolls" in the back of the closet. Can't you see what he's doing? He's trying to turn you against me!

You boys are funny. And I think "cow-hearted yeasty cod-piece" might actually be a ward-robe accessory on http://www.kiltday.com/

Hey Hutch -
GREAT website.
Only Scotsmen don't wear codpieces under their kilts.

It was the Brits who wore a sort of bloomers that had the "codpiece." Why am I the one to bring this up?? Too much trivia in my education?

This from the aforementioned website:

<TABLE id=Table1 borderColor=#330099 cellSpacing=1 borderColorDark=#6666cc cellPadding=7 width="94%" bgColor=#fffacd borderColorLight=#99ccff border=3><TBODY><TR><TD align=middle bgColor=#e1f0ff colSpan=2><TABLE><TBODY><TR><TD align=left>RESPONSES TO "THE QUESTION"

If you wear a kilt in public often enough, you will inevitably be asked "the question." This can come in various forms, most often something like, "What is worn under the kilt?" "What's under your kilt?" or maybe, "What do you have (on) under your kilt?" Generally, this question is asked by younger girls, but I've been asked by older women and men too. I must admit, questions like these from men are pretty rare, but they do occur. It is best if your response is appropriate for your situation and audience, but here are a few lists of various responses that have been suggested and/or used in the past. Below that, I have included a list of responses to other questions you may get while out-and-about in a kilt..

Enjoy!</TD><TD>http://www.kiltday.com/img/underkilt1b.jpg</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top align=left width="50%" colSpan=2>
Top 15 favorite responses to women who ask "the question":

15) A lady doesn't ask and a gentleman doesn't tell!
14) If you want to get down on your knees, I'll show you!
13) As you can see.. my socks and shoes/boots!
12) The usual.
11) Well, well, well.. you must be the bad girl in your family!
10) I'll bet you didn't know that I wear a kilt.. just to meet women like you.
9) What do you think? Buy me a pint and maybe I'll let you check for yourself!
8) Well, I don't want to brag.. but this may be a turning point in your life!
7) Nothing is worn.. everything is in perfect working order!
6) Only my wife knows.
5) If I tell you, you're gonna want to see for yourself, just like the last dozen girls!
4) Of course it's true! But, if you want to check, you'll have to show me yours first!
3) If your hands aren't too cold, you can reach up under there and check for yourself!
2) How bad do you want to know?
1) Good girls don't ask.. but bad girls find out for themselves!



Top 10 favorite responses to men who ask, "the question":

10) Haggis!!!
9) It's called REGIMENTAL, dude. Google it.
8) Just what God gave me!
7) Usually the ladies ask that question.. what team are you on anyhow?
6) I usually get up and wear whatever I wore the night before.
5) Your wife's/mother's lipstick.
4) If you were man enough to wear a kilt, what would you wear under it?
3) If you try to check for yourself, expect to wake up in the hospital!
2) Same as you, only BIGGER!
1) Freedom!!! (You really should try it for yourself)!
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

Ummmmm, I'm telling. StephN and Hutchibk are being naughty.

Bill:

I'm not trying to impugn your character. I'm trying to enhance it. Look, you need a little mystery or mystique in your persona to really make the sell. Just follow along with me and I will help you unleash your inner love magnet. Trust me on this one. Nothing says "I am a bad boy with a heart of gold." like an infatuation with Jan Brady and a orange crate full of restraining orders.

The next step in the process is to feign disinterest in all of this. I know you can pull this off.

Lee or Billee

Did you know my dad's name was Bill? Weird.

Another answer, a true scotsman will never tell., Jeanette

And the NERVE that you think Jean and I are the same person!!!! Brenda, Sheila, Chrisy, Joe, Christine and Donna D know the truth!! Really Lee ... I mean Bill ...I mean Billlee? Geez

That's right Jeannette! Lee, I don't really know how to put this without sounding like a jackass, but you don't need to help me unleash my inner love magnet. I have to be very careful. I've got the Kavorka and right now I've got about a hundred girl friends and no restraining orders. Truthfully, though, I'm a Ginger from Gilligan's Island guy. I hope your Mom's name isn't Donna. And Becky, I know, I thought of that before Lee started up.

Come on now. What about the Professor? You know he wanted Ginger bad and Ginger was just wishin' too. Poor ole Maryanne found some Maryjane on the island and just couldn't give it up now - dotcha know. And what about the Howell's? I wonder what lil buddy was really up too.

I'm sorry to break up the Gilligan's Island lovefest but that show was so unbelievable. I mean the professor can build a nuclear reactor using vines and coconuts but he was baffled as to how to build something useful, such as,oh I don't know, like maybe A BOAT!!!!!

I can only thank God that F-Troop was around at the same time to more accurately shape my world views otherwise I might be bull-goose whacked like the rest of you. Well except for Bill of course. Mostly.

Hey Bill, you did a real good job in feigning disinterest in my help!

Lee

I think the Professor was McGyver's uncle, no?

Hucklebuck, that's right! The professor was Mcgyver's uncle! And Becky, there's that age-old debate "Ginger or Maryanne", "Maryanne or Ginger"? Bad boy Bill says there's something to be said for those tight jeans Maryanne always wore, and that Yassir Arafat tablecloth type shirt she always wore, she was cute, I'll give her that, but Ginger really knew how to work it. And, Lee, maybe I should feign interest in your help, because while it's true that I have about a hundred girl friends, at any given moment about fifty of them are pissed off at me.

How weird is it that Bill-Lee, Lee-Bill (if indeed they are one in the same) are counseling theirself (themselves?). One alter ego counseling the other. Almost sounds like the basis for a Law and Order episode.

Okay, you suckered me in. Now I have no choice to start the First Annual Her2 Support Group Gilligan's Island Trivia Challenge. The first person who answers all questions correctly wins absolutely nothing. Okay, I will donate $50 to the Her2 Support Group in the winner's name. Except if Bill wins, then I might as well use my own name.

1) What were the following characters full names (or as full as were ever given):
Mrs. Howell
The Skipper
The Professor
Mary Anne
Gilligan (Its a trick question)

2) Why was the boat called 'The minnow'?

3) What was Mary Anne's home town. (Hint: It wasn't Horner's Corner.)

4) Who played the "Jungle Boy"?

5) What was the name of The Mosquito's drummer?

To win, just post the answers. It's okay to work together. The purpose of this is to have some fun.

Good Luck!

1.
Jonas Grumby (Skipper)
Roy Hinkley (The Professor)
Thurston Howell III (Mr. Howell)
"Lovey" Howell (Mrs. Howell) (aka Eunice Wentworth)
Ginger Grant (Ginger)
Mary Ann Summers (Mary Ann)
Gilligan's first name was never used in the show, but producer Sherwood Schwartz said that if Gilligan had a first name, it would have been Willie.

2.
It was named after Newton Minnow, then Chairman of the FCC - who called television a "vast wasteland."

3.
Reno, Nevada

4.
Kurt Russell

5.
Bingo

Wow, Hucklebuck! You go girl! That would be a good Law and Order episode. Nice idea for a contest, Lee. I gotta feeling I'll be splitting the 50 dollar donation with you. Please don't do stuff like that anymore. We have alot of ringers in this group.

Uh oh, the game is still afoot. I think the drummer's name was "Bongo".

Hey ...Whats with all the "Marcia Brady" stuff?
Glad to see some fun happening around here! Been gone a couple of weeks and missed you all...
Ah ...Newton Minow who referred to television as the "vast wasteland"...truer words were never spoken...
Good to be back,Marcia
OOps, just saw Hutchi already stated that...

Whats going on??!!
 

Hi Marcia! Good to have you back with us again!
Where were you anyways?


BBB....just catching up on this thread you started. Sounds like you are having some serious identity confusion with one of our friends here?! Could it have anything to do with YOU being on practically every hour and every day with significant amts of sleep deprivation inbetween?
OR maybe you are correct in that psychic experience you had and you just found your "yin"!! Bill/Lee**yin/yang**....
Or have you been tricking us along along and you are really Bill and Colleen's husband... HUH???

ANd...learned something new about you too....you have a Brady Bunch girl doll in your closet??? Gee, maybe it is high time you started your own profile so we can learn even MORE about you!! Sounds very interesting!

But whatevers...we still love you...Billeeeee.
C-ya...

Man, you girls are good at this. Hutchibk had every answer correct except for May Anne's home town. Dawn Wells was born in Reno, Nevada but Mary Anne was from Winfield, Kansas. Pink Girl got everything right except or Bingo being the drummer. So I guess the combined effort between the two of them is the winning entry. The check will be in the mail at my first opportunity.

And now the challenge question.........

In the opening title sequence of Gilligan's Island, a flag is flying at half-mast. Why?



Bill:

The most important thing I learned when I was getting my degree in psychology was this:

It is perfectly okay and natural to talk to yourself.

It may be okay to argue with yourself.

You are in trouble if you need to ask yourself to repeat what you just said to yourself.

I hope that will be useful in our future conversations.

Remember, one in three Americans has some sort of debilitating mental disorder. Look at your two closest friends. If they are alright then.............

Lee