HER2 Support Group Forums - i lost my brother....

I am so sorry, Michelle. Sending healing vibes to you and your family.

My brother died when I was 16. He was mentally and physically disabled and quite often in pain. Even though he was released from that pain, I still felt guilty in many ways. There is no rational reason for feeling that way, but it is what happens when a loved one is very dependent on us. I think our mothering genes kick in and we feel responsible. Even to the point that we feel guilty if they don't do well. What helped me at the time was looking after other disabled kids as a volunteer. It brought me closure.

Perhaps it could help to look at it this way: your brother had a very serious disease for which there is still no cure. It is a disease of the brain. You helped him, but despite all your efforts, there was no treatment that worked for him. He might not have lived that long if you hadn't been there for him. So you did what you could with the limited knowledge we have about his disease, while you were dealing with your own cancer, while you had a million other things you had to deal with. I'm convinced he knew that in his "good" moments.

It is a bit like when one of our Her2 sisters passes: we helped as much as we could, but it wasn't enough to save her. We need more research and better understanding of all these potentially lethal conditions. Cancer. Heart disease. Mental illness. And while we don't blame ourselves or others for the first two, we sometimes blame those who are mentally ill. I strongly believe that is so unfair. Mental illness is caused by biochemical imbalance in the brain. We don't know why people get it, how they get it, so we certainly should refrain from judgeing.

Just my 2 cents.

Sending you a great big hug. You did the best you could and more.

Love

Jacqueline