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So Denise, when you are through this next stage, you have to start to write a book, or a blog, or something to share your incredible spirit to the world. We are all very lucky to count you as a friend, but I think the world deserves you too! So, bring on the Avastin and loads of good news next week. I am a prayer too, and I will continue to send up some special ones!
Love Marie x

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Prayers being sent your way Denise x

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((hugs)) Just want you to know Im thinking of you and praying for you. My brain MRI is Monday as well, and I will have the results a few hours later at my rad onc's office. Hopefully you don't have to go too high on the steroids to get the symptoms under control. If my tumors have grown or, heaven forbid, if there are more of them, I will be doing cyberknife, and I'll be back on steroids too. Time for both of us to catch a break!

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Oh, Denise...cancer sucks, 'roids suck, and most definately insurance companies suck! Fervent prayers going up for everything involved.

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Marie - I've always dreamed of writing a book... even before I got cancer, strange, but funny things always seem to happen to me... or around me. The problem is once it's all written down... I don't know how to get it published... and I can't imagine anyone paying money for it!

I never made my blog public because as a teacher, I can actually be fired if my bosses think what I write is "innappropriate" ... profanity, criticism of them...that sort of thing. I can't risk that - my health insurance is through them! But it just occurred to me that I could use a pseudonym... like the Cancer Vixen did! I'll have to mull that over a bit... hmmm

KsGal - I soooo hope your MRI shows only the small lesions we already know about. If that's the case, Cyberknife should be a breeze! Just the break you've been hoping for, and deserve! I'll be thinking of you on Monday, :)

Thanks for the prayers friends, and for the moral support!
Denise

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Hey Denise
Use your ninja name. Just don't release the code. People would be looking for the weird named Asian!
Cathy

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oooooo Cat
You are clever! and devious! I like that!

:) Takuri

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Sending my prayers, as always, Denise. Hope some more avastin gets approved soon! Hugs.

Barb A.

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I'll look for your book ... Takuri ...
Mikachi

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Dearest Cancer Slayer,

I see that look in the docs' eyes. I hear the worry in the nurse's voices. They are concerned. Too familiar with bad scenarios that can look like this.

I just refuse to identify with my emotional reactions. The experience is duly noted. Acknowledged. Even actively participated in when need be, as you have been doing Denise. You KNOW when to come out of the sunshine state of denial. I don't think it's that, personally. Fully aware, you are choosing to live on the sunny side of the street.

Your fears are not truth. Decidedly, leave no room for imaginings to distort reality. This isn't a time to postulate or assume. Don't blur reality. Just live in The Moment! Which is what you naturally do, I think.

Don't let the voice in your head rule you. You have this moment. And this... Don't go anywhere. This Moment is safe. The love and prayers offered to and for you will sustain you.

Fear can't exist if you are full of the Light of hope. In my heart I believe in miracles. Not bad endings!

Steroids do protect you from the side effects. Even they are not all bad! They're good for something! I love that you negotiated. I would and have done the exact same thing. YOU are in charge of your team of medical experts. It is YOUR body after all!

Do not believe in the story that seems to be presenting itself to you and scaring you.

Love, prayers, genuine caring and enorrrrmmmmoussss admiration -- oh and true appreciation for your wit and wily ways.



Andi

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I vote option #1 too. Has to be. Besides how could they not care about you? You must be a very special person to them and if you've told them you are a queen AND ninja cancer assassin they would most definately want to keep tabs on you. I'm hoping the weekend goes fast for you.
I'll be thinking of you Mon. while at my Dr. appt. and saying some prayers.
Mikachi

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I am going with KATSU...!

A shout to awaken an enlightened state (satori). To focus ones energy!

It fits.

Also read it means victorious!

Thanks Denise for arming me!

And -- easy to remember...

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Denise,

It's standard procedure for them to call you back the next day to check on you. I've done that many, many times. Our hospital has an 'on-call nurse line' available. They would always follow up our conversation the next day or two to see how I was doing.

And the nurses of the oncology department are usually very good at following up those who are undergoing active treatment. I'm glad you are being closely 'followed' ... :)

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Option 1, keep your chin up, ninja woman!

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Hey Assassin!

Sorry to read of your ongoing tale of woe. Sheesh, you really are due for a serious break. Stay on your throne, oh Empress of the Land of Denial, we have your back. Prayers heading heavenward.

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Denise, please know that I am sending big hugs and prayers from the Great White North for your MRI to show only good things!
Sorry you have to go back on the steroids, but it is what it is. You are such an inspiration to all of us!

xoxoxoxoxoxo!

all the best
caya

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Laurel - thanks for the unending prayers and the elevation to Empress! Who knew you were so powerful!?

Caya- You are sweet, but I don't feel inspirational at all! I feel fat, dizzy, and frustrated!:)

Everyone Kind Enough to Check in on Me - Heading off in a few minutes to find out what the next plan of action is. Hopefully, this MRI provides the kind of evidence my docs need to convince the insurance company to get on board. (I know I usually like to self-diagnose but... except that "Mickey" looked a little crowded this time... and the necrotic area looked less dense... I don't know whether this shows what the ins co needs to see or not)

Stay cool everyone - especially my East Coast friends - it's going to be a scorcher today!
Denise

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Denise,

I hope everything went well today-you have such a dedicated compassionate medical team and that helps so much-I agree with option #1. I am sending alot of positive and white light to you!

Caroline

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Denise I have been trying to figure out how to put into words the emotions I felt when reading your posts. I can't do it. Love and prayers are always being said for you.
Cool hugs to you
oxo