10 Ways To Suport a Spouse With Breast Cancer

[Joe]

http://breastcancer.about.com/od/supportineveryway/tp/ten_support_tips.htm


Regards
Joe

[Jackie07]

Treatment for breast cancer made me feel very sick. Fortunately, my husband, Karl D. Stephan, stepped up to the challenge of suddenly becoming a home caregiver, while also holding down a full-time job. I asked him for his top ways to be supportive when your spouse is in treatment for breast cancer. Here's what he had to share.
1. Be There

The person with breast cancer needs you now more than ever. But the patient won't be fun to be with all the time. So, don't give into the temptation to hide from the situation by getting busier with work, hobbies, or other things that keep you away from the patient. It's no fun holding a woman's head while she loses her cookies, or holding her hand just before she goes into surgery. But she'll remember what you did for her later.
2. Advocate

Though she may be a fighter by nature, a woman with breast cancer is often in no shape to battle hospital bureaucracies, insensitive doctors, thoughtless nurses, or anyone else, especially you. It's your job to take her side and ask the hard questions, pound the receptionist's desk when you're being ignored, and act in her best interests. Even the best medical care personnel get too busy or preoccupied. And when that happens, you need to act to make sure your patient gets the care she needs.
3. Organize

Maybe you're not a born organizer. But you can keep track of doctor's appointments, medications, prescriptions, hospital bills, test reports, and the hundreds of other pieces of paper that a typical treatment sequence for breast cancer generates. Not all of these papers are important, but you don't want to lose the ones that are. And your patient will be relieved not to have to keep track of them herself.

Keep Good Medical Records (http://breastcancer.about.com/od/risk/p/health_records.htm)

4. Encourage

There will be times when you both feel like crying. Go ahead. But make sure you're the one handing out the hankies, not your patient. She needs an emotional anchor, and you're it, whether you like it or not. Sometimes not saying anything is better than saying the wrong thing. But if you're there, advocating, and organizing, your actions tell her that you care, even if you don't have the words to say it.
5. Act Normal

Whatever is normal for you, that is. Cancer doesn't mean the world has to grind to a halt. If you and the patient have normal routines and things you enjoy doing, try to keep them up to the extent possible. But always be sensitive to physical fatigue, emotional stress, or other reasons for not doing things you used to do, and give into the needs of your patient.
6. Be Honest

Most people today would rather hear the truth about their medical condition than a sweetened-up lie. This doesn't mean being needlessly cruel, however. When you both face the same facts together, whatever they are, you can act together and stay together through the treatment.
7. Don't Leave

If you're like most men, you look to your wife or girlfriend to supply needs or wants you have for affection, companionship, and sex. Some guys have the attitude that, "If a woman can't give me what I want anymore in these departments, I'd better drop her and find another one." This is the absolutely worst thing you can do to her at this vulnerable point in her life. A woman can get over cancer, but she'll never get over the deep and lasting emotional injury you've given her if you abandon her now. And neither will you. Don't do it. Stay with her, even if you're not that happy with the situation. You'll both be better off together than you'd be in Splitsville.
8. Ask Your Friends For Help

The two of you don't have to do it all by yourselves. Friends, neighbors, relatives are there to be asked for help. Not all of them will, but you will be surprised at what some people will do if you just ask them. Seek their help in driving to appointments, staying with the patient while you're at work, or doing errands you normally do but don't have time for anymore.
9. Expect Weird Reactions From Some People

Everybody has a different attitude toward cancer. Some people will get up and run away if you try to tell them what's wrong with the patient. Others will cry, get angry, or ignore the whole situation. You can't control their reactions, but you can control your reactions to them. Don't volunteer the information that your patient has cancer without a good reason. On the flip side, don't try to make it a deep dark secret either. And let the people you tell deal with it on their own terms.
10. Pray, Meditate . . . .

Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, understand that those beliefs are a part of the situation too. You and the patient will need a lot of resources to win, more than you can muster up on your own. Don't neglect your spirituality in this fight. It can connect you with the source of your greatest strength

[Jackie07]

Caregivers are angels. And angels can fly...[away :(]

Reviewing Joe's posting made me realize how difficult it is for caregivers to 'be there'. Thank you, guys (and gals.)

[hermiracles]

Thanks for posting this again Jaquie - it really is pretty amazing! - our carers are pretty amazing!! They have a lot to go through too... and some of them don't make it!

Im gonna print this out and give it to my hubby - he has SO much on his plate - caring for me and our beautiful bubs! I call him my Wiradjuri Warrrior and try to think of ways to be more supportive of him... its hard to find a balance.

Thanks again Jacquie - a good reminder.http://her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon7.gif
Blessings
Hermiracles

[hermiracles]

PS I'll learn to spell one day Jackie! :-))

[Jackie07]

No problem, 'mate'. :)

Found this about the Wiradjuri Warrior:

1823-1825 Wiradjuri War

As settlement spread west of the Blue Mountains, misunderstandings and conflicts with Aboriginal people escalated.
In Wiradjuri country, colonists attempted to drive off Aboriginal people by violating significant sites and contaminating waterholes. On occasions, they gave friendly Aboriginal people poisoned flour or bread. It is believed that the family of the warrior Windradyne was given potatoes by a farmer and that the family was shot when they returned to take more.
When martial law was declared, Windradyne and his people launched a guerrilla campaign. They frustrated the poorly organised British forces, who began to attack any Aboriginal people they could find. Windradyne and the Wiradjuri remained unvanquished.

<http://www.nma.gov.au>

[Faith in Him]

I agree that the caregivers do so much for us. I would love to show my appreciation to both my wonderful husband and mother. So, caregivers, could you share how you would like to be appreicated?

[Colleens_Husband]

Faith in Him:

That is so easy to answer. Get better, stay healthy, and live a long life. What more could I possibly want?

Lee

[Faith in Him]

Well Lee, I think you said it all. Thank you.

[Jackie07]

...and don't yell at him (her) - my husband started making the statement "Don't yell at me!" after my recurrence and subsequent job loss. I guess that's what 'honest' is about - communicate directly about our feelings and actions.

He's afraid that his 'nice' wife would become another woman (acting like someone else... somebody he couldn't stand...)

ps. I just posted a biography of Fr. Robert J. Ronald on Profiles of Courage. He's a model 'patient', full of kindness, encouragment, and never raises his voice. "Bob's care provider of the last seven years claims that Bob changed his life through his kindness and patient companionship, always reaffirming and encouraging, never scolding, criticizing or complaining." We most likely don't have the training of a priest - and not all clergies have good temprament. But just thinking about him calms me down. 'Having a sense of humor' is how he deals with life. Can you imagine him letting us read the comic 'Batman and Robin' in class? I have been forever quipped as 'Batgirl' by one of my colleagues and classmates - also one of my best friends - because I had read the part.