Murder Under the Boardwalk

[Colleens_Husband]

Dear Friends:

As an amusing diversion, I propose a dramatic presentation performed by the Her2 Community. The production is going to require dozens of performers and everybody is invited to create a character and jump on the stage. If you need help with a character, PM me and I will be glad to offer suggestions. Sometimes it's best to play a character who is completely opposite of your real life.

There is no script, we will be making it up as we go along.

It is fun to write other characters into difficult situations, but you may want to avoid writing dead ends to the story. Also, it will be a better play if everyone stays 'in character'.

The whole point of this thread is to have fun and enjoy the company of the Her2 community.

Lee

[chrisy]

But...we can't be sure that what happens "under" the boardwalk, stays there.

[Colleens_Husband]

The rain was pounding on the windows of the Jim Rockhead Detective Agency's second story office on the corner of Murray Boulevard and 1st Avenue. Jim Rockhead was sitting behind his shabby desk in his soaked and shabby suit coat. He glanced at the Santa Cruz Gazette and saw the headlines, "Body Found Under The Boardwalk Believed to be Danny Vavoom".

"That's tough luck for Danny, " thought Jim, "he was the only decent member of the Vavoom family other than the old man, but he had worked himself into the hospital."

"Oh well," he sighed, "I've got other fish to fry."

By 'other fish', what he really meant was a 500 dollar reward for finding Mrs. Ellingfish's pomeranian. "Where can that pampered mutt be?" he wondered aloud. He had already exhausted all his leads and he was sick and tired of sniffing fire hydrants.

Jim thoughtlessly sifted through the pile of unpaid bills and last notices on his desk when something which was beginning to happen all too infrequently happened, a knock on the door.

"Come in" growled Jim.

The door flew open and outlined in the light from the naked bulb in the hallway was her. "Oh no." groaned Jim.

It was none other than that socialite gadfly, Valerie Vavoom. She looked as if she was poured into her dark red cocktail dress and someone forgot to say when. She was meticulously groomed to not look meticulous from her red stiletto heals to her crimson pillbox hat. She was trouble with a capital 'RUBBLE', as in the social and emotional rubble of her spoiled trifling of young mens hearts. It couldn't be coincidence that Danny Vavoom was missing and Valerie Vavoom was in my office.

"I'm sorry miss, but I'm not taking any appointments today" said Jim gruffly.

Valerie opened her mouth to speak, reached for an embroidered handkerchief and started to openly sob.

"What's with dames and the waterworks?" Jim wondered to himself. "I'm in over my head on this one and I haven' even figured out what she wants me for. I should throw her out of my office. My office? The rent is due tomorrow and it won't be my office anymore. No more Jim Rockhead Detective Agency, no more hunting for Mrs. Ellingfish's dogs, back to work at the spray cheese factory, and no more second story window overlooking the bathing suit optional beach. His mind was made up!

"Ms. Vavoom, how may I help you?" ............

[juanita]

"I need your help", she replied, in between sobs. In her mind she's taking his measure and deciding that she could most likely get him to do whatever she wanted.

"Have seat", he says as he jumps up and goes around his desk to shove a stack of old newspapers off the chair. Then sitting on the edge of the desk in front of her he asks,"So what is it I can help you with?"

Ms. Vavoom looks around the room as if making sure that noone else was there before answering almost in a whisper, "I'm being blackmailed."

[PinkGirl]

Before having time to absorb Valerie Vavoom's words, there was
a very quiet tap on the door. Looking up, Jim saw the door slowly
open, revealing his secretary Agnes Beasley.

Prim and proper Agnes was dripping wet from searching for
Mrs. Ellingfish's pomeranian. Her secretarial job included
cleaning the bathroom, making coffee, sharing an office with
Mr. Rockhead and doing anything possible to assist Rockhead
with his paying customers.

With her head down and her eyes looking up at Jim Rockhead,
Agnes motioned for Jim to follow her into the hallway. Rockhead
excused himself from the office, closing the door behind him.

"What is it Aggie?" Jim questioned. Without making eye contact
with Rockhead, Agnes Beasley began to speak in a very quiet,
nervous voice.

"I thought you should know, there are rumours on the street,
concerning Mrs. Vavoom", she said nervously. "Before you go
back into the office, I think you should listen to what I have to say."

[hutchibk]

Before Aggie had a chance to begin her story, Jim glanced down at the coffee table in the waiting room and saw a popular gossip rag staring up at him. Curiously, he picked it up after noticing the small picture in the corner and an accompanying name that looked familiar... the caption under it reading "Prominant west coast socialite Valerie Vavoom's rebellious and fun-loving sister, Vivian, occasional girlfriend of Prince Stuart, has been reprimanded by the royal family after being caught frolicking naked and tipsy on palace grounds. The younger sibling blames the news of the mysterious disappearance of her brother-in-law, Danny Vavoom for her recent erratic behavior... "

[PinkGirl]

Agnes Beasley was relieved that she did not have to tell her boss
the entire story.... happy that he had read part of it in the magazine.
She also made a mental note to herself to remove the trashy magazines
from the waiting room coffee table and to give it a quick dusting.

Everyone on the street was talking about Viv Vavoom's antics
while visiting London. Agnes Beasley was quite embarassed at it all and
was very happy she did not have to use the word "naked" when
explaining the story to Mr. Rockhead.

There was more to the story - some important details that did not
make it into the trashy magazine. People had been talking about
Daniel Vavoom senior. In his hospital bed, on a respirator,
Vavoom Sr., known as The Rock because of being the only stable
member of the family, had been writing messages on a small white
board. He was pleading for help. On several occasions he had asked
for the police to be called in, to investigate his daughter in law and her
wild sister. The Rock was afraid for his son's safety. He didn't trust
the two women. Jim Rockhead re-entered his office trying to absorb
and make sense of all of this information.

[chrisy]

At that moment, the office door flew open - Valerie Vavoom storming through in her red dress like jello bouncing on 2 springs.

"That Vivian!", she sobbed, "She's been nothing but trouble since running off to Hollister with that Hungarian Harley dude!" Now she's off in London wearing nothing but her nautical star tattoos raining disgrace down on us all"

Seeing the shocked look on Jim and Agnes' faces, she took a deep breath, composed herself and said "I'm so sorry..."

[PinkGirl]

Agnes looked over at Rockhead with a look that said "we really need the money". Before Rockhead ushered Ms. Vavoom back into his office, Agnes mouthed the words "get a deposit" to her boss.

Then Agnes turned and walked out of the office, thinking that
if she at least found the missing pomeranian they would collect
$500 and be able to pay some of their mounting bills.

She did not envy Mr. Rockhead's position at this time. Agnes
willingly went back out into the rain to search for the missing
pooch.

[PinkGirl]

Pom-Pom Ellingfish

454

[chrisy]

"Please, Ms. Vavoom, have a seat", Rockhead gestured at a shabby wooden chair with one short leg, purchased from the now defunct Norma's diner along with the grimy coffee pot. "Can I get you some coffee?"

Valerie glanced at the coal black 5 hour old coffee, shuddered, and said "Don't you have anything stronger?"

Hmmm, this could be getting interesting...and hell, it's 5 o'clock somewhere...Jim thought, replying "what's the lady's pleasure?"

"Martini. Chocolate. Straight up" was the reply. Rockhead blew the dust out of the shaker, filling it generously with ice, gin, a breath of vermouth and 12 M&M's. "Whatever the lady wants" he said as he poured the drink into the only clean tumbler he had.

"Now, how can I help you?"

"Oh, Mr. Rockhead, I don't know where to begin...You see, it all started 3 weeks ago when I got this letter (handing him a rumpled envelope from Harrah's Reno) from Danny"

The phone in his office rang just as Rockhead opened the proffered envelope. "Where for the love of Mike is that Agnes???" he thought as he sat transfixed, looking first at the letter, then at the insistently blinking phone, then at the mascara-streaked socialite sitting before him gently rocking in the off-kilter chair...

"Who the hell" he said, reaching for the phone...

[Bill]

"Hello, Rockhead Detective Agency, can I help you?" Rockhead heard nothing but silence on the other end, and then a barely audible snort of derision, "Det. Sean O'Hare here, Santa Cruz PD. And yes, you can help me by keeping your amateur ass outta my murder investigation." "I don't know what you're talking about, Digger", Rockhead replied. "Listen up, Rock, we seen the Vavoom gal come up to your place. This is police business here, you need to keep out of it." "I'm not in it, right now I'm so busy I can't keep track of all my cases" O'Hare laughs, "I'm surprised you're still in business. You keep outta my case! Got it?! If I see you whistling around my crime scene, we gotta problem." Rockhead chuckles, "Digger, you got nothing to worry about. I'm not taking on any new cases. I'm too busy." "Paly, I ain't worried. You're the one that needs to worry. Good luck with your doggie hunt" and then O'Hare slammed the phone down, knocking a doughnut off of his desk. O'Hare was just reaching for the jelly-filled doughnut when there was a tapping at the window of his office door......

[hutchibk]

Within seconds, the tapping turned to the sound of fingernails sliding and scraping down the glass until Jim and Valerie Vavoom heard a thump and person slump to the floor outside the door. Jumping up from his desk, Jim ran to the door fearing that it was Agnes in some sort of distress, while Valerie stumbled in her Manolo Blahniks, and fell, knocking over her Grande Starbuck's and the almost dead plant in the side table.

Jim flung the door open to find a beautiful mess of a 20-something girl slumped on the floor, sobbing. She was soaked through and shivered violently. Her hair was littered with leaves and twigs and next to her was a drenching wet suitcase. She muttered something over and over that was undecipherable to Jim, but sounded like "...rock the world, rock the casbah, rock the world..." Valerie shrieked when she staggered to her feet and saw who was laying on the floor. She ran towards the girl only to trip over a small pomeranian that suddenly dashed into the office from the main hallway...

[StephN]

"I've just come back from Austin, where I was hiding out at an out-of-the-way bed and breakfast, " she moaned. "The owners there have a real sweetie of a Pom, but I think there is something sinister going on."

"Not with them or their Pom, but in the neighborhood." she gasped.

"Me and little fluffball here were followed, I soon discovered. What could be the reason?"

"Please, help me, Mr. Ro -c-k-h-e-a---d--," she sighed, passing out from a combination of heat prostration and exhaustion.

Her dog yapped and licked her by turns, growling at anyone making like they wished to attempt to revive the slumped over woman.

[PinkGirl]

More noise ... both Rockhead and Vavoom turned their eyes
toward the stairs as Agnes Beasley came through the door way.

Prim and proper Agnes was a mess. Her short, mousy brown hair
was full of leaves and twigs. Agnes wore the same clothes every-
day ... white cotton underwear, beige panty hose, low healed,
sensible shoes, plain white cotton tee shirt and a dark, knee length
skirt. She wore no make-up. No one ever gave Agnes a second
glance, probably not a first. Agnes was one of the few people that
knew, with certainty, that most lives do not have that many options.

Agnes knew that this had probably been the reason she was able to
get so close to Pom-Pom earlier in the park. Even the pomeranian did not notice her.

Approaching, Agnes had been startled by the appearance of the woman with
Pom-Pom. She knew this was definitely not Mrs. Ellingfish. Agnes had
needed to get close enough to see if the little white pooch was wearing
a pink, rhinestone studded ID tag, engraved with the words "Princess".

All these little yappy dogs looked the same to Agnes - dust mops
without a handle - you have to be careful which end you're talking
to. On determining that the pup was indeed Pom-Pom Ellingfish, Agnes
easily blended in with the surroundings and gradually crept closer and
closer. Upon seeing Agnes, the woman with the ghostly look of fear
on her face, bolted. Agnes bent down and scooped up the little mutt
and headed back to Rockhead's office. Pom-Pom had eventually squirmed
out of Agnes' arms and ran after the woman. Suprisingly, all three were
heading in the direction of the Rockhead Agency

Agnes was exhausted and made a mental note to get herself in better
shape. When Agnes entered the hallway she was shocked to see her boss
and Ms. Vavoom hovering over the derelict woman she had seen earlier with
Pom-Pom. This wasn't adding up, not making any sense. Agnes recalled
an earlier case that had her bamboozled and remembered Mr. Rockhead saying
"Aggie, truth is stranger than fiction. You couldn't make this stuff up".

Trying to catch her breath, Agnes looked toward her boss for answers.
"Aggie, what the hell have you been doing?" Rockhead asked. "Are you
okay?" "I found the Ellingfish dog" she replied. "This dog?" inquired
Rockhead?". "Yes" replied Agnes. "That's impossible" said Jim, "this
pomeranian has been in Austin with this .... this .... this woman."

Agnes was looking for the confusion couch. She knew this was Pom-Pom.
She was wearing the pink, rhinestone studded ID tag in the shape of a
chaisse lounge and it was engraved "Princess".

Agnes surveyed the scene and quickly realized that there would be
better places to be. In spite of being told that the mutt was being
protective of the unidentified woman, Agnes knew this was Pom-Pom E.
Agnes got up from the couch, scooped up the little pooch and announced
that she was delivering the dog to Mrs. Ellingfish. She left, thinking that
at least she would return with the $500 fee for finding the pampered princess.

[Colleens_Husband]

"Miss Vavoom, I need you to be very quiet right now. This young lady crumpled at me feet could be a police informant, although I always share all my information with the police, or an agent of nefarious action." said the detective. "Step into my office, sign some papers, and there is the matter of a retainer, and I will be able to help you out.

Valerie Vavoom and Jim Rockhead slip into the office and before Jim closed the door on the crumpled woman on the floor he said, "I wish Agnes was here to tidy up this mess."

"Miss Vavoom, we don't have much time, the police have been casing this office, they know you are here, they are probably on their way to arrest you. Sign this contract right here. My fee is a 750 dollar retainer and I get paid 50 dollars a day. You do have cash on you, don't you? Good, now here are the keys to my car, it's the AMC Pacer with the odd colored front fender, you can't miss it, take my car to the Super 7 Motel on the Cabrillo Highway, ask for room 203, the magic fingers bed works in that room, and I'll meet you there in a few hours. Now hurry out the back way."

Jim looks out the window and sees a squad car from the Santa Cruz Police Department pulling up in front of his office.

"Damn! Detective O'Hare hasn't lost any speed in his middle age."

"Now, lets see who is camping in my waiting room."

[StephN]

The disheveled young woman blinked open her emerald green eyes and tried to think where she was. Oh! The crumpled address had fallen from her bosom and she was brought back to detective Rockhead's "suite."

"My," she thought. "Dog sitting was not turning out to be the easy buck I had imagined." What could be so darned important about this little yapper, mostly bones and fur?

Cuteness could not cause all THIS commotion and danger for her. Sure those Poms are cute and friendly, but so are lots of other small lap dogs.

Yet this pup was special to someone who had spent a lot of money for the nice collar and professional grooming.

But why had she been sent to this place in the event of any trouble, and why had trouble even been expected anyway???

Her green eyes narrowed and she resolved to take on only the larger dogs who might protect her.

At that moment the door to the inner office opened and she glanced up from the old Converse tennie runners to a querying face.

"I sure hope he can get me out of this, whatever THIS is," she fervently begged the universe.

[Becky]

When Rockhead entered the room, the girl-woman quickly said, "My name is Sienna Coddington and I live in London." I only came to the United States because my ex-boyfriend needed to find another domestic position. You see, he was recently fired by the Royal family. Geoffrey used to be Prince Stuart's valet."

Rockhead sat and downed the untouched martini and slowly crunched on the undissolved M&Ms.

"So Miss Coddington, what are you doing with a top show dog that obviously does not belong to you?"

[chrisy]

Valerie stumbled out the back door, this time breaking the 4 inch heel of her pricey red shoe. DAMN, you think they'd put training wheels on these things she thought as she flung them both down the stairs and followed, barefoot, to the ground floor.

Tiptoe-ing quickly around the shards of broken rolling rock bottles, she moved toward the run down Pacer. Luckily the door was unlocked, because Rock had clearly given her the spare key since the electronic door opener was missing!

She was relieved to see the 4 on the floor, thinking "oh, this will be almost like the lamborghini" as she launched out of the parking lot, spitting broken glass and hitting 50 before blowing through the stop sign at the end of the block.

"I'm glad Mr. Rockhead has agreed to help me, but I can't understand why he would need to meet secretly at the Motel 7 just so I can show him my letter from Danny"
At the thought of her dear brother Danny, whose letter had her so worried, Valerie burst into tears again. "Oh, I so hope he's not in too much danger..."

"Well, Mr. Rockhead will help me find him...he seems very kind..."

[Becky]

Not far from the Super 7 Motel and clearly on the wrong side of town is Mr. Chills, a dive bar to end all dive bars. Alone in the corner table downing his fifth gin and tonic was Geoffrey.

"God damn it", he exclaimed. "Don't these bloody Yanks have any sense of the refined! I've searched night and day and day and night but there is no market for butlers or valets in a 50 mile radius of this dreary place."

For the moment, the best Geoffrey could do was maid work at the Super 7 down the street. And a hell hole that place was.

"I can't even get bloody maid work at a Ritz Carlton," he angrily whispered to himself.

At that moment, shivering and disheveled walked in Valerie Vavoom.

"Ahh," thought Geoffrey. Things are starting to look up now!

[chrisy]

Suddenly, Valerie felt dirty. The sign in front of the Motel 7 had touted FREE HBO and IN RM J CUZZ, but this place was definitely not the Ritz! Perhaps another chocolate martini to boost her courage...

Thanking God that she had composed herself enough to freshen up her Red hot Red lipstick, she was glad she'd also had the presence of mind to create a makeshift disguise from the torn gray UCSC Fighting Banana Slugs hoody, classic dot ballcap (worn backwards) and her Bucci sunglasses which although unnecessary in the incessant rain, provided a degree of anonymity her publicist would appreciate.

Head held high, Valerie strode boldly toward Mr. Chills...the only bar in Santa Cruz that not only allowed smoking , but encouraged it, particularly the smoking of medicinal substances. Taking a deep breath, she walked through the cloud of blue, fragrant smoke and into the bar.

Inside the bar, the smoke was even thicker, despite the fact that only 3 people were in the place. As far as Valerie could see, that is, with her sunglasses on. Deciding some things were better left unseen, she felt her way to the the bar and hoisted herself onto the cracked red barstool. On a better day, she might have been pleased - it matched her dress - but without the Manolo's the look was somehow incomplete.

A poster child for skateboarding should be a crime punched up a Smashmouth tune from the jukebox before slouching back to his corner booth and burying his head in Thrasher magazine.

Valerie felt more than saw the steely stare coming from the far end of the bar, the man clearly having bagged his 3 drink limit but still going strong. She tried not to notice the slight resemblance to Charles Manson...

Signaling the barman, Valerie glanced up at the television mounted precariously above the bar....

OH MY GOD! NOOOOOOO! she screamed before toppling from her perch to the butt-strewn floor of the bar, not hearing Smashmouth proclaim her a rockstar or ring out "all that glitters is gold" as her Bucci's skittered across the floor, coming to rest under the jukebox

[StephN]

Siena kept up her story.

"You see, Geoffrey can tip a bit over the edge when things don't just go his way. His line of work is rather not so popular in this country. He does not like to depend on me, and I don't like to take his crap when he is out of sorts."

"OK." Det. Rockhead was not sure he followed this at all, but asked her to continue.

"While Geoffrey was waiting for an interview at one of the fancy San Francisco boutique hotels, I was happened upon by someone who needed to leave his dog for a couple of days. Guess I looked the part and he said my hair matched his blond Pomeranian's."

"Don't like where this is going," mused Rockhead.

"Well, as my funds were on the low side, it did not seem cricket to refuse this offer," continued Siena.

"I followed the man into the bar and we made the deal over a drink. Cash on the barrelhead and a ticket to Austin. The furball was waiting at the airport."

"I really don't know why the rest got so complicated," she whined, green eyes getting a bit misty, as she suddenly realized that the dog she had gone through so much to keep safe was no where to be seen.

[hutchibk]

It was a warm and festive night in downtown Boston - the city was buzzing from the high of just putting on a clinic for the LA Lakers and suffocating them to win the NBA Championship in a stunning Game 6. Bars and pubs were filled to the brim and drunken partying was in full force.

Vivian Onassis-McIntyre (a name she liked to use while traveling, and often considered changing to legally) was leaving the club level of the Boston Garden with her jet-set-toy-boy-model of the moment named Tai, headed to a celebration party for the team. As her limo pulled up in the long line of waiting limos, she had a quick passing thought, a deja-vu, that she had been here and done this before, but could not put her finger on the time and place. It felt so real. Like an amnesia memory re-firing in her brain. She closed her eyes hard and shook her head in an effort to clear the memory away, but grains of it continued to haunt her as she climbed into the back seat of the car. Tai clumsily reached for a Zima from the small refrigerator in the well stocked bar on wheels, and ran his hand provocatively up her slender and well-toned leg.

Suddenly it hit Vivian, the memory, the deja vu, and what it meant, and chills ran up her spine... she pulled out her cell phone and dialed furiously, nervously as her hands shook trying to hit all the right buttons.
****

As Valerie went flying off her barstool, her purse flew from her lap and all it's contents ended up strewn across the sticky bar room floor, her cell phone sliding almost the entire way to the bar stool at the end of the bar. As it slowed, it started ringing. Geoffrey slid off his bar stool intending to offer a hand to the woman in distress, but instead reached for the cell phone and answered it, for no good reason except reflex and habit. The voice on the other end sounded faintly familiar, but he couldn't be sure, and he wondered how in the world he would know the voice on the other end of a stranger's cell phone...

[chrisy]

In her dream, faces swam before Valerie's eyes...some familiar, some not. "I'm so confused", she said, or rather tried to say, but the words would not come. I don't even know who I am! Am I Valerie, Danny's sister or sister in law? Or Vivian's sister or sister in law? Or, worse yet, am I all of the above, being married to my own brother?????

And what about Daddy? Is he secretly also Rockhead's father in which case I just arranged a surreptitious meeting with my half brother? or full brother? OR is Old Man rockhead sharing a room or maybe an IDENTITY with Daddy Vavoom???? Are one of us in, or soon to be in, the Witness protection program? Can we get a recap from central casting?

As she fell back into dreamless sleep, Valerie thought with relief: "at least it's not keeping me up at night like it is Chrisy!"

[PinkGirl]

Agnes Beasley drove slowly and carefully, as always, towards
the city. She was heading back to work after having delivered the
missing pomeranian to her owner, the socialite, Mrs. Ellingfish.
Agnes' head was still whirling from receiving twice the offered
reward. Mrs. Ellingfish, to show her gratitiude and relief, had given
Agnes $1000 for returning her beloved Princess Pom-Pom.

Agnes was trying to think of a polite and appropriate way to ask
her boss, Jim Rockhead, if she could possibly keep some of the money
as she had not been paid since December 24th.

While driving to the Ellingfish mansion, Agnes had decided it was
time for her to have a meeting with Mr. Rockhead to be briefed
on the happenings of the last few days. She was confused and
made a mental note to have her estrogen levels checked at her
next doctor's appointment.

Agnes arrived at the office and immediately sat down on the
confusion couch in the waiting room. She still had to dust the
cheap coffee table, end table and lamp and also get rid of the trashy magazines and clean the bathroom. She was tired.

Agnes thought of her days working with Mr. Rockhead at
the spray cheese factory and was questioning which of the two jobs
was more stressful. For the time being, she would stay with Rockhead.
She was a loyal employee and took her responsibilities seriously.

Right now she was determined to wait for Mr. Rockhead and have
him explain the details of their new case.

[Colleens_Husband]

Where are the police? They should have burst in by now grilling me about the where-abouts of Valerie Vavoom. Something just isn't adding up here. I just have one question for Valerie Vavoom and then I need to visit the morgue, there was something awfully suspicious about the photo in the local newspaper of Danny under that pier.

"Operator, get me Fairfax 9-1524. Hello, Super 7 Motel. Get connect me to room 203. Yes, the room with the J CUZZ and the magic fingers that works. Valerie, I don't have much time, when was the last time anyone saw Danny alive. Friday June 13th? Hmmm ..... That can't be! No time to explain, I need to get to the morgue before the swingshift goes home. No, I'm all out of quarters and it isn't safe to use the Magic Fingers 225 times in a row."

Jim Rockhead grabbed his coat and his fedora hat and rushed out of his office went down stairs and headed to the parking lot. Damn! The Pacer was gone. Since no crook is desperate enough to steal an AMC Pacer, even one in which the hubcaps keep spinning even when the car has stopped, then that me he lent it to someone. Thats right, he lent it to Valerie, and by looking on the horizon for the blue cloud of smoke his favorite car emits, he could see where Valerie parked it. No time to loose, Jim took off running towards the city morgue.

At the morgue, Jim found his old friend Bones Bonderman packing up and ready to call it a day. "Bones, I'm glad I caught you!"

"Hey Jim, I can't talk to you. Your persona non grata with the police department today. If I even say a word to you, Detective O'Hare will have me retrieving bodies from the bay for the next six years."

"Bones, I'm not asking for any information, I just wanted to come by and share some dinner with you." Jim took out a bottle of Mogen Davids 20-20.
"Bones, I warmed it up for you, I know how you like it served tepid."

Bones began salivating and reached for the bottle. Jim pulled it away. "Bones, this bottle is yours, all I need is two minutes with the Danny Vavoom body."

"But I could lose my job!" complained Bones.

"TWO minutes, Bones. Just 120 ticks of a clock. C'mon Bones. No one will ever know. Have I ever ratted you out?"

"Well I suppose not" whimpered Bones, "you got your two minutes"

"Thanks Bones, and if I find what I'm looking for, I've got a second bottle for you."

Jim Rockhead went into the morgue and found a body with 'Danny Vavoom' written on the toe tag. After a quick inspection, Jim said to himself, "This isn't Danny Vavoom. Now I'm totally confused. If this isn't Danny, then who is it? And where is Danny?"

Jim went out of the morgue and dropped a second bottle of MD 20-20 to Bones.

"Where are you going so fast?" asked Bones.

"I need to talk to Agnes."

Whenever Jim was stumped, he talked out the case with Agnes. Sometimes Agnes would offer insight that he overlooked and sometimes it just helped to say what he was thinking out loud.

[Becky]

Valerie Vavoom was up on her feet immediately. In two blinks, she was all over Geoffrey and snatched away the phone. She wished she still had those 4" spiked heels on because when she stomped on his foot, it only made him wince instead of scream outright.

She trumped over to a corner booth and yelled hello into the phone over and over but the call was lost and somehow, there was no recorded number.

Valerie felt tired and dirty. She knew she looked unkempt and that bothered her. She always had every hair in place and had her makeup done just right - even when she was downright sick with the flu. Even this scuzzy place couldn't take that away from her. She felt itchy and greasy. And who was that jerk. At first she thought he was leaping to her aid but he picks up the phone and answers it? My Gawdddd. And he's an idiot too. Her wallet was laying right there and it contained over $50,000 cash...

[hutchibk]

Vivian was a ball of confusion... too much happening at once. A startling deja vu that was revealing itself to be very real, a strange man with a strangely familiar voice from her recent royal past answering her sister's cell phone, and a randy and drunken boy-toy trying to feel her up - all while speeding down the interstate at what felt like 150 mph. She had to make sense of it all and the first thing she knew she had to do was get out of the car. She pushed Tai away to cries of "oh, come on baby, don't be like that..." and frantically pushed the button to speak to the limo driver. Driver answered and Vivian screamed "Pull over, please, pull over now, I need to get out of here!" The driver exited the highway and pulled into a parking lot.

Vivian wrestled with Tai, telling him "Now is not the time, baby" gathered herself and stormed out of the car. She made her way to the front of the hotel they had pulled up to, and plopped on a bench with her head in her hands. Her mind was spinning. Her thoughts were like a ping pong ball on acid. Her heart was racing. She could not believe how insane her life had become. The spiral of events over the last year. And for Danny to now be missing. He was the one constant in her life. He was her anchor. He was her sympatico. Her secret soul-mate...

She knew she had to keep moving. She hated Boston and was only there at the invitation of the son of the owner of the Celtics. She didn't even want to go to the game at first fearing she might encounter Kobe Bryant again, and it had been years since she was able to put that fiasco behind her... the mess he created and how he ruined her ex-best friend's life. Or did he? She never could figure out the truth about all that, but none-the-less, she didn't want to run into him again.

"Are you all right Miss O'McIntyre?"

"Huh?" Vivian looked up to see who in the world could possibly know who she was?

"Your boyfriend is in the bar, and he asked me to check on you..."

Vivian then recognized the man speaking to her as Kenny, the valet at the Hotel Grande Regal where she was staying. Then suddenly it all became clearer. The limo driver had let them out in the parking lot at her hotel. What a stroke of luck... Tai was in the bar continuing his habitual party and had latched onto a group of 19 year old girls who were in town on their way to a summer graduation trip called "drinking our way across Europe."

Vivian scurried to the elevator and made her way to her room. Realizing that she might be able to catch a last minute red-eye flight to somewhere, she quickly packed her bags and called the front desk.

"I need a taxi to the airport, please tell Kenny I'll be right down, and tell him to keep it on the down low!"

"No problem Miss O'McIntyre. Where are you heading? Back to London? Is Prince Stuart alright? Is there something wrong?"

"Wherever a plane will take me at this hour, I just need to go... go somewhere... anywhere but here...anywhere but London... I think Saint Tropez...oh, I don't know, please, just a taxi..."

[PinkGirl]

Agnes rested on the couch in the waiting room. She knew that
her boss was in his office but she could not hear Valerie Vavoom's
voice. "She must have left already" thought Agnes. Never the one
to disturb Mr. Rockhead unless it was a dire emergency, Agnes
thought this would be a good time to clean the bathroom - she would
speak to Jim Rockhead when he came out of his office.

After scrubbing and disinfecting the entire room, Agnes emerged from
the washroom. She glanced at the office door and saw that it was now open. She peeked around the corner and saw that the office was empty.

"Darn" said Agnes aloud, "Mr. Rockhead must have left while I was cleaning the washroom". She decided to take this time to make a list of the questions she had for her boss. Agnes went into the office and sat at a small table in the corner; her table, her work area. Someday, she hoped, she would have her own office.

Agnes proceeded with her list of queries. She had overheard Valerie Vavoom say that she was being blackmailed. Had Mrs. Vavoom received phonecalls or had it been a black mail letter? Was her sister Vivian Vavoom still in London making trouble for the Royal Family with her relationship with Prince Stuart, the heir to the throne? Did Valerie Vavoom know who the mystery woman was who had collapsed in the waiting room? Did this mystery woman explain
why she had the Ellingfish pomeranian? Had Mr. Rockhead found time to visit with Daniel Vavoom Senior? Did Mr. Rockhead know anything about the police investigation of the body believed to be Danny Vavoom Jr.?

And lastly, Agnes would gather the courage to ask Mr. Rockhead if she could keep some of the $1000 payment from Mrs. Ellingfish. She would gently remind him that she had not had a pay cheque since Christmas.

Agnes decided to stretch out on the couch and close her eyes. Drifting off, she began thinking about the $1000. That is a huge amount of money to pay for a dog - unbelievable amount of money actually. Hmmmm, she thought, and why is the dog's chaise lounge chair tag ingraved "Princess" and not engraved "Pom-Pom" ???????

[chrisy]

Valerie was shaken but not stirred by the developments of the day. First the shocking letter from Danny, then that Agnes at Mr. Rockhead's office - something about her was untrustworthy - and the wild woman in the outer lobby. She could also swear that was Mrs. Ellingfish's pomeranian - although she could think of no reason why Pom Pom would be in such a place.

Valerie, of course, was well acquainted with the Ellingfish family, having worked with Mrs. Ellingfish on the silent auction benefit for the Youth Empowerment Committee for Chinese Hamsters (YECCH). Hmph...silent auction indeed, with that little dustmop yapping throughout the wild boar bourguinione course at dinner. Still, the Ellingfishes had been generous enough to donate that candlelight dinner cruise on their 50 foot yacht, the Compromise.

Oh how she loved those Sunset cruises on the bay...

Valerie was shaken out of her reverie by the skateboarder landing a solid kickflip on his way out of Mr. Chills - and remembered seeing Danny's face, then hers flash on the television screen below the headline "SHOCKING DEATH STUNS SANTA CRUZ SOCIETY", then the strange episode with the stranger and her cell phone.

Remembering she had been on her way to the Motel 7, Valerie decided to first stop at the Salvation Army Thrift store next door, knowing that she frequently donated brand new clothes (sometimes with the tags still attached) so that those less fortunate could aspire to glamour.

As luck would have it, there was indeed a tasteful cream colored suit, with matching mules and baguette! Although it looked as if it had been previously worn, possibly even twice, it was far better than the rainsoaked (and now considerably rumpled) dress she had, and she did after all need some shoes.

Plunking down $35, Valerie changed into the suit behind a row of old sofas (there being no dressing room in the thrift store) and feeling much better, headed back to the Pacer - relieved that the sun was beginning to break through the clouds.

Finally pulling into the Motel 7 down the street, she asked for room 203 and paid the FULL day rate, $73, registering as Mrs. Phoebe Pfrostbite of Thunder Bay, Ontario.

[Colleens_Husband]

Jim Rockhead finally arrived at his office through the back door. Even though his rent was now current, he still used the back door to 'keep in practice' for the inevitable slow times. Jim heard Agnes in the waiting room and he asked her to come into his office.

"Agnes, I have several things I need to discuss with you. First off, Valerie Vavoom paid a huge retainer, so I think it's fair that you keep the Ellingfish reward for yourself. You know I don't pay you regularly so you won't save your money, book a cruise, fall in love with a wealthy foreigner, and have to spend the rest of your life in some awful place like Europe. It's really for your own good. You know I have your best interests at heart."

"Second, I don't think Danny Vavoom is dead. At least the body in the morgue is not Danny Vavoom." Jim paused for a second so that Agnes would have the opportunity to realize how brilliant he was. Pausing ...... pausing ........ pausing .......... nothing .......... and finally ...

"Why do you think that, Jim?" asked Agnes.

"Two reasons, Danny Vavoom was left handed. The police identified the body by the watch that had an inscription on the back. The watch was on the bodies left hand but the watch was a special order left handed watch in which the winding stem came out of the nine o'clock position instead of the three o'clock position of most watches. The watch would have been very difficult to wind if it was worn that way. Someone put this watch on the corpse after the corpse was dead."

"And the second reason?" asked Agnes.

"Yes, the timing doesn't work out." continued Jim, "You see the corpse had bite marks on it's ankle from a small dog. They exactly match the bite marks on my ankle from Pom-Pom when I let that little devil dog out of Mrs. Ellingfish's back yard on the evening of June 14th. Since Danny was last seen on June 13th, how could Danny get the bite marks? That makes the soaking wet young lady who was doing a carpet imitation in the waiting room this morning key to this case since she was the one with that satanic dustmop in her possession."

"Jim, that leaves two questions we need to answer," said Agnes, "Who washed up under the pier last night? And where is Danny Vavoom."

"Brilliant Agnes! And in order to answer both questions we need to find the carpet lady!"

[PinkGirl]

Agnes was a bit embarassed at having called Mr. Rockhead by
his first name. She had never before used his first name and had
to chalk it up to her mental fatigue. Agnes Beasley made a mental
note to take an ativan later that evening and hopefully get a good
night's sleep.

"Mr. Rockhead", Agnes said, "you have told me that the woman on
the carpet identified herself as Sienna Coddingham from London,
England, is that correct?" Agnes, from her days working in the
office at the spray cheese factory, knew that there was also a
London, Ontario in Canada. She knew this from the repeated requests
from a company there to be given a franchise to start a spray cheese
factory in Canada. Agnes was forever indebted to her co-worker
Bertha Hollis who repeatedly helped her with the metric conversion
on the application forms from London, Ontario. Luckily for Agnes, the
requests were always denied and to this day there is no spray cheese
in Canada.

"Yes", replied Jim Rockhead. "She's from London, England and told me
that she came here because her boyfriend Geoffrey is looking for
domestic employment. Apparently Geoff was axed from his job as
Prince Stuart's personal valet." "Hmmmm", Rockhead mused. "There
is a connection here Aggie". "Valerie Vavoom's sister was fooling around
with Prince Stuart and now the woman on the carpet claims to be the
girlfriend of the Prince's former valet". "And, come to think of it, the
carpet woman said he was her ex-boyfriend". Agnes was taking in all
of this information. "I wonder why", Rockhead said, "she would be
helping her ex-boyfriend look for employment, and how did this woman
from London, England end up in Austin, Texas dog sitting an apparently
missing pooch from California?"

Agnes could see that they had a lot of work to do. If only they
could arrange some kind of a meeting with Valerie, Vivian, Sienna,
Geoffrey, Mrs. Ellingfish and the mutt. As far as Agnes knew, the
whereabouts of Vivian, Sienna and Geoffrey were not known.

They had their work cut out for them. Hopefully Sienna would make
contact with the Rockhead Agency and shed some light on the
situation.

Agnes thanked Mr. Rockhead for allowing her to keep the money from
Mrs. Ellingfish. However, it was too much. She gave Mr. Rockhead
$500 and only kept the other half for her back wages.

"If it's alright with you Mr. Rockhead, I will just do some tidying up
in the waiting room and pay a few of our bills before heading home"
inquired Agnes. "I am really tired and need a good night's sleep."

"Of course Aggie" said Rockhead, "you take all the time that you...."
Agnes and Jim both turned towards the top of the stairs. Someone
was crashing up the stairs towards their office ...........

[Becky]

Sienna paced up and down the long corridor of the studio apartment. It was always something with Geoffrey and they weren't even together anymore. That was her decision. He was a lady's man and she couldn't really stand it anymore. Bottom line, he was a world class liar. They had to leave England asap because he was caught with Prince Stuart's latest gal pal Vivian Vavoom. And it wasn't just a smooth. It was a peck alright but not a peck on the cheek. She and the Prince could attest to that.

Vivian was the last straw, the very last straw. What a humiliation!!! At least all the others were assumptions but Vivian was real. All 36-24-36 of her.

But, none-the-less, Sienna left her home to come to the U.S. with Geoffrey. She just decided she couldn't stay with him. She didn't think she could initially get by without him until that poof-ball dog came into her life. What a pain and what a salvation all in one fluffy bundle. But now there was no turning back. The plan was in motion and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

She regretted the weather too. Why did it have to rain so hard, and in Texas no less. She had been a sopping mess in that private detective's office. What a shame because he was awfully cute.

[StephN]

Showered and primped, Siena was still terribly confused and had a list of questions longer than the Tower Bridge.

OK, first she hoped Geoffrey would not come back to this little dive of a place, but she could not be sure he had turned in the key to the manager and did not want to ask.

Next, who in the devil was that man who had approached her about sitting the furball?? Who was he really?? Ned Snodgrass seemed like such a made up name, but she had noticed a lot of weird monikers here in the states. Assume that is an assumed name.

What had she noticed about him, besides his dark good looks and smooth manner. When he picked up his drink he used his left hand. He also wore his watch on the other wrist. THAT was unusual.

He also had a small tatoo on the upper knuckle of his left pinkie. Some kind of an odd pattern of interlocking rings. Where had she seen that before??

Then it came to her. The furball's collar had a similar motif. What the hell? Maybe she was trying too hard to piece this puzzle together.

Better she get something to help her relax, then she might have a clearer picture of what she thought she saw. Maybe a nice crisp gin and tonic would calm her nerves.

The fact that she had felt in danger in the quaint Austin neighborhood, was also unsettling. Who had been following her and why had the pom pooch been so scitzy at the person's scent?

There must be a nice hotel bar around where she could show off her stunning legs as she sipped and ruminated.

[Bill]

As the Santa Cruz PD squad car rolled to a stop outside of the Rockhead Detective Agency, O'Hare looked over to his driver, a green rookie, fresh out of the academy, and said, "Kid, you wait here." The rookie looked relieved, but then a stray courage cell coursed through his bloodstream and lodged itself into a testicle. "Sir, I'm going with you!". O'Hare rotated his head 90 degrees to the left and fixed a black-eyed stare straight into the eyes of the rookie. The stare entered the rookie's eyes, coursed through his bloodstream, located the stray courage cell lodged in the testicle, and choked it to death before it could take hold firmly. "I said, 'Kid, you wait here'", O'Hare repeated. "Better yet, run across the street and get us a couple of coffees and some jelly-filleds. I'll be right back" The kid looked nervous and relieved at the same time. "S-s-sir, I don't have any cash on me." O'Hare's blood pressure shot up 40 points and he glared at the boy again, "Listen, kid, I'm not gonna tell you again! You just walk across that GD street and go into that friggin' donut shop, wearing a badge and a gun and they'll think you're Jesus Christ hisself! They'll give you whatever you want for free!" The kid looked at his hands and as he picked at an imaginary hangnail, he mumbled, "Sir, you said that you weren't gonna tell me 'again', but I really don't think that the first thing you told me was the same thing as the second thing that you told me, so I think it's unfair that you yelled at me and said,'I'm not gonna tell you again'". O'Hare clenched his fists and then unclenched them , and yelled "Bobby, if you don't go get us some GD donuts, I'm gonna kick your ass six ways from Sunday. Now move!" The rookie, Bobby, scrambled out the door, and leaned back in, just a little, and said, "Sir, I'm going to get our donuts and coffee, but I noticed just now when you were yelling at me, you were clenching and unclenching your fists, but the left fist clenched and unclenched 8 times, but your right fist only 6 times, are you ok, Sir?" "Bobby, I swear to God, get outta here right now, you don't know what you're messin' with!!!" O'Hare lunged for Bobby at that point and Bobby scampered across the street, failing to look both ways. O'Hare reached for the handle to the squad car and just then his cell phone rang. "O'Hare" "O'Hare, this is Chief Murphy, just what the hell do you think your doing?" "Chief, I'm gettin' ready to go up and talk to Rockhead about this body washing up under the boardwalk." The Chief says, "Listen, Digger, I know you and Jimmy go back a ways, and you had troubles over the Milhouse case, but I think you need to back off a little bit here." "What???!! Chief? You tellin' me to leave and back off? The Vavoom girl was just seen here, and she might be up there now, for all I know!!" "Listen, Digger, I'm gettin' heat on this one from upstairs, if you know what I mean. This one's bigger than the both of us." Detective O'Hare huffed and puffed 2 times from his left lung and 3 times from his right, and then mumbled, "alright, Chief, I'll back off for now, but you know this ain't over"

[chrisy]

Meanwhile, back in room 203 of the Motel 7, Valerie had exhausted her supply of quarters for the magic fingers. Feeling very relaxed, and very tired - and still slightly bedraggled from the rainy adventures of the day, she decided a refreshing bath would be in order. Stepping into the bathroom, she was APPALLED to see that the advertised "jacuzz" was nothing but a small bathtub with a single jet! What a dump this place was.

Despite the strange phone call from Jim Rockhead, he had not met her in a few hours as planned and it was now nearly 5 o'clock. "Well, I'm not getting stood up by that lowlife PI", she fumed, and decided it would be a good time to go home for a real bath. Then she'd go back and return the car. She left the key in the room, coaxed Rockhead's old beater to life, and headed for her luxurious home with a real jacuzzi overlooking the bay.

Calling it "her" home was a slight exaggeration, she was actually renting her beach bungalow to Mrs. Ellingfish and was staying at one of the several houses owned by her friend Sharkey, the wealthy surf bum who had made his fortune selling skateboard wheels and speculating in real estate. He was known as a bottom-feeder, never having paid more than 50% of market price for a house, always just beating the realtor (whom he referred to as "land pimps") to the deal. She'd never known him to sell any of this properties, thus he had numerous homes available to let to friends at reasonable rents, in Valerie's case, free.

The rent from the Ellingfishes was all that was keeping Valerie going - having run through most of her cash trying to keep Danny one step ahead of the loan sharks. She shuddered as she remembered the TV picture above the bar at Mr. Chills.

Valerie arrived home and was greeted at the door by Ferrari, her long haired dachshund-labrador mix (so named because his hind legs were considerably longer than his front legs thereby giving him the jacked-up look of a racecar). Ferrari was a delightful companion, so well tempered and loving. Not at all like that pom, Pom Pom. She knew secrets about Pom Pom, for example, Pom Pom was not a purebred pomeranian, but was in fact a cross between a pom and a bichon-frisse. Valerie almost laughed out loud at how she had convinced the Ellingfish woman that mutt was AKC registered!

Dog breeding was Valerie's secret passion, and soon, she hoped, would make her a wealthy celebrity in her own right (not just another Santa Cruz socialite spending daddy's money). She would finally get the respect she so craved, and deserved once she introduced her new breed of dog - the pompador - to the world as the newest animal star in the next Harry Potter movie.

That was how she had become involved with Geoffrey...whoever he was...
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[PinkGirl]

Losing her footing on the poorly maintained stairs leading to James Rockhead's office, Valerie Vavoom broke yet another heel
off of an expensive pair of shoes and dropped the pile of papers
she was bringing to Rockhead. Regaining her composure she
entered the waiting room to find Rockhead and his secretary
Agnes Beasley.

Valerie looked refreshed. She had left the seedy motel and gone
home for a luxurious bath. Rockhead and Agnes had both noticed
the waft of lavender fragrance before Valerie even entered the room.

"I waited for you at that dump of a motel and you didn't show
up" she yelled at Rockhead. "I apologize Mrs. Vavoom, I tried
to call you but the switchboard operator told me that you were
not in your room" replied Rockhead. "I am very, very sorry".

"I don't understand why you want me to hide out in this run down,
shabby, poor excuse for a motel" she said. "You see Mrs. Vavoom, I
just need some time to investigate all of the strange happenings of the
last few days. There is now a police investigation and I don't want you
talking to them until I get more information from you" replied Rockhead,
desperately trying to calm the waters and gain Valerie Vavoom's trust.

"I might be able to shed some light on the situation" said Valerie. "I've
brought these papers for you to look at. It's a business proposal that
I have been working on. I think it will be clear to you that there are
a number of people who would not want this business to get off the ground".

Valerie handed the papers to Rockhead. Agnes noticed a pencil drawn
sketch of either a logo or a letter head - she wasn't certain what it was
but did notice a sketch of the strangest looking dog she had ever seen.
The animal had some of the poofy characteristics of that little creep
Pom Pom that she had searched the entire city for, but there was also
something that reminded her of her cousin's Chocolate Lab that she saw
every Christmas. 'What a strange looking creature', thought Agnes.

Jim Rockhead took the papers from Vavoom, briefly glancing at them and
then turned to his secretary with a total look of disbelief on his face ......

Agnes made a mental note to pick up some Tylenol for the office First
Aid Kit.

[Becky]

The little dog was very agitated. He had been all over the place and was now back with the weird lady, Mrs. Ellingfish. Gloria Ellingfish, Gory Glory as her friends called her, was old money. Her great grandfather made his fortune teaching the Japanese how to cut and serve the delicious but possibly lethal sashmi called Blowfish. If not disected correctly, the chef could include the poisonous glands that contained the most deadly serum in the world. One small bite has done in famous Sumo wrestlers!

Gloria was known for her weird hobby of collecting pictures of the victims of famous serial killers. She had shots of the best - Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Son of Sam. You name it. Money was no object and she knew how to get them. The only way in was through the police department. The best contact was someone who really needed the money and that tended to be rookies - most cops weren't paid all that well and rookies, well, they were paid the worst.

Gory Glory first met O'Hare when he was a rookie. It was weird because just yesterday she saw him with the rookie she was working with now. Poor boy had to wait in the car while O'Hare went and bought the donuts - what a drag not to be able to pick out the donut you wanted. Jelly was her favorite, with the red gel oozing out after a big bite.

[PinkGirl]

There were a few awkward moments of silence before Jim Rockhead spoke. "I know that you are used to far better accomodations than that motel I sent you to, but please understand Mrs. Vavoom, it is extemely important for you to avoid speaking with the police". Rockhead hoped with all his heart that the wealthy Vavoom would co-operate.

"Yes, you already told me that", replied Mrs. Vavoom, with a roll of her
eyes. "I'll go back there right now if that car of yours will start. I was
heading back there now but just stopped here to give you these papers."

Without looking at either Rockhead or Agnes, Mrs. Vavoom turned and
headed toward the stairway. When Agnes was certain that Vavoom had
left the building, she turned to Mr. Rockhead and began to speak in her
usual quiet, unassuming voice.

"Mr. Rockhead, I have a telephone message for you", said Agnes. "I
am not certain but I think it may be important."

"What is it?" asked Jim Rockhead as he put out his hand to take the
small piece of paper from Agnes.

"The message is from a newspaper reporter, in London. She requested
that you return her call as soon as possible", said Agnes. "She indicated
to me that she has information pertaining to the Vavoom case".

"Well, I suppose then that I should call her back", said Rockhead. "What
is her name?"

"Cava", said Agnes. "Her name is Vena Cava."

[hutchibk]

Intermission - the character, Vivian, will return to the story soon, by August 18, if not sooner.

Carry on.