People still just don't get any of *it*!

[Chelee]

On 1-3-06 was the day I had my MRM. So as far as I'm concerned my cancerversary was 1-3-07. So I mentioned to a few people what a major milestone this was for me with the doom and gloom oncologists I had. I told them I shouldn't even be here if I had listened and believed my doctors. I didn't expect much when I mentioned this to them but not a one of them seemed to care. It was like I told them something so un-important like, "I better go wash my hands". They went right over it like it was nothing. (I'm so happy that they all care that I'm still here and ned so far.)

Sorry...just a bit disappointed in the few people I thought cared. :( I know you guys do get *it*. So I can safely post it here. (I'm done whining.)

Chelee

[Sheila]

Chelee
My Cancer anniversary has overshadowed my BIRTHDAY to me...in a healing way...you are so right, many of them don't get "it"....its because they don't know our pain and our strengths! I bet if they were diagnosed they would get "it".

[micheleu]

Cheele,
i totally understand!! On my Cancerversary's i did something special for my self #1 bought a horse #2 bought a puppy #3 bought a car #4 planned a trip to Florida. "they" don't understand. Like Jesus said
"forgive them, they know not what they do" ...

[Bill]

Hi Chelee! Congratulations on your Cancerversary! You are right, most people don't get it. I don't know if they are scared to think about it or it makes them feel uneasy, or what, I don't know. We experienced similar things here, so we do get it. I hope you're doing well. Love, Bill

[mslinda]

Congratulations Chelee!!! We have almost the same cancerversary. I know how you feel about "people not getting it." Even my family. My husband understands, but not the rest. I have been told by some that I thought we had a really close relationship, that I just needed to put all of this behind me and not dwell on cancer so much. I don't wish that they would be diagnosed so they could understand. Sometimes I really feel alone with this. At least I have this group.

Take care, and I hope we can celebrate #4 without a recurrance.

Linda

[madubois63]

My family gets "it", because they've been through so much with me over the years. My friends get "it," because it seems that the only friends I have left are cancer survivors (the best people in the world). The people that didn't get "it" didn't stick around, and that's okay by me. Seems to me like you need new friends...one's that get it enough to celebrate every cancerversary the way it should be celebrated. Congrats...

[hutchibk]

1/3/06 was your first day of "Chelee's Incredible Life, Take 2" - and anyone who skimmed over it can just kiss my booty. And you can tell them that! Congrats Chelee. Keep on rockin' lady!!

[Jean]

Dear Chelee,
Ever hear the saying, "Let them walka mile in my shoes?"
You know, sometimes I think that not only do some not get it, they don't want to get it...

I had a close friend say to me, "it is a good thing this did not happen to me, I could never deal with it" I could not help feeling that she meant it
was okay for me, but not for her....people say stupid things in fear, or
do not do the best thing, who knows why, I often think we notice just
who is who after a cancer dx. The strong character or weak character in people will expose itself.

But you must celebrate your cancerverisary, do so by doing something special just for you, or do something special that makes you feel great.
I wish you 22 X 2 more anniversaries.


With Love,
Jean

[Soccermom]

Happy Cancerversary Chelee, from another Sister who "gets it"! My Surgical Cancerversary is Jan 6 (bilat masts) and will be my 3rd.

Big hugs,Marcia

[Becky]

Someone asked me "Are you going to die?" And I said, "why of course I am and so are you. Everyone dies one day." He never asked me anything stupid ever again.

No - not everyone gets it. But Michelle said it best, they know not what they do.

And my father used to always tell me: "Becky, remember - not everyone is smart"

Love and a hug to you

[Jean]

Becky,
Love your statement to that stupid queston...on death. Made me bust out laughing..

Jean

[Bill]

Lol, Becky! That's an awesome new response to alot of situations. Sounds like my Dad, a man of few words, but they were all good.

[hutchibk]

One of my favorites (from the Blue Collar gang)...

"you can't fix stupid..."

so true, so true!

[caya]

Hi Chelee,

Oh I "get it" in a major way - Happy Cancerversary kiddo - Enjoy! And may you celebrate many many more.

all the best
caya

[Barbara2]

My friends have never had a discussion with me about my cancer. They don't seem to want to discuss it. I, on the other hand, would like to let them know about this kind of cancer, things I have learned, my fears, etc.

One of my friends made the "I could be hit by a truck tomorrow, too" comment when I was sharing a concern about a recent test. I thought, "I'd rather have the odds of getting hit by a truck vs. the odds of cancer recurrance. Would she like to trade?" No, they don't get it.

I felt that if they knew some of the details, they would have a little better understanding of me, and what I might be experiencing. I'm not looking for sympathy at all, but I would like them to have some idea of cancer's impact. But maybe that is impossible,...maybe a person has to experience it first hand.

But instead, it's never brought up. Do they think I am back to the person that I was before? That cancer is a horrible memory from the past, but now it can be forgotten? No, they don't get it. But I do...may I be better for it.

[Jean]

Barbara,
I heard that analogy also...next time a "friend" says that to you,
tell them, Yes that's true but I can read the license plate number
on that bus/or/truck/ or whatever vehicle they mention.

People are so silly aren't they, I have considered writing a book
that would have all the stupid things not to say or do to people who
are fighting the fight.
Hmmm could be a best seller!

Hugs,
jean

[Joanne S]

Congrats Chelee on your first cancerversary! I am happy for you!!!

I know how you feel about others who unfortunately just don't get it. I am truly blessed that I have a few wonderful friends who truly try to understand and support me. However, I have relatives on my husband's side that have not even acknowledged my cancer. It's as if my husband told them, I had a runny nose. It is very, very disappointing, and it hurts. They live on the other side of the state and I haven't had a bit on contact with them since prior to my diagnosis (Aug 2006) and I probably never will have contact with them again. So very sad, my brother does not understand or acknowledge my diagnosis and what I have gone through either.

Wishing you many, many, many more years of NED!
Hugs,

[Patricia]

Happy Cancerversary Chelee!!! May you have many many more!

We get it - big time! I felt as if my life restarted after cancer. I personally think about it as life 'bc' and 'ac'.

Don't let those 'friends' get you down, they are ignorant and if they had cancer you can bet that it would be a big thing for them. I have yet to meet a cancer survivor for whom it was not a big deal.

Hugs,
Patricia

[IRENE FROM TAMPA]

I know where you are coming from Chelee- that is why I rely on this board so entirely.

Although my family and my friends are "there" for me, I still feel sometimes people are tired of hearing me complain (which I really do not do often) but still there are times. I have to say that I have been "around" for a good 12 years now- (will be celebrating my 12th year now in a few weeks) which is a very wonderful thing don't get me wrong. But after so many years I think people just get used to it if I can say it that way without sounding sour. To me it's a constant thought in every thing that I do but really what can anyone say.They are supportive but I guess there are times when I have a pity party for myself and think someone should come up to me a say WOW lets have a great big "survivor" party for you. YOU DESERVE IT. I also get those comments once in awhile about well we are all going to die at some point. DUH - but our fate is staring us right in the eye daily.

I dont usually rant on like this Chelee but your post got me to thinking about how I feel sometimes and thought I would use this opportunity to vent a bit of my honest feelings too.

Basically I feel that everyone means well, they just don't know what to say. We are all loved and everyone is thinking about us but there is nothing they can do to save us and I know this must bother them - just be there for us when we need them. They are very scared also. I find myself being the comforter many times instead of the comforted.

So just remember Chelee - we all love you and CARE and so do those around you. I think it's might just be more difficult for them to show.

You take care and enjoy your CANCERVERSARY.

[StephN]

Sending you the best healthy wishes for getting through Canserversary number two. May you see three, four, five and many more after that. Sometimes we suffer in silence, but we can also CELEBRATE our achievements in silence as well. Enjoy yourself for YOURSELF.

No one knows but YOU what your life with cancer has been like. For each it is different, but we will share your joy in passing the TWO YEAR mark as NED. Keep dancing with that guy!

P.S. Many people have NO idea of the importance of getting to TWO years NED for our diagnosis. Maybe you can educate your "friends."

[goops]

I am sorry to hear that your friends and family did not share your joy. I think it is hard for someone who has not faced a life threatening illness to understand what we feel.

Congratulations on your second anniversary, I am glad you proved those doctors wrong!

[Mary Jo]

Hi Chelee,

Yes, I get it too. I guess only "we" can! "They" haven't experienced what we have and unless you have you don't understand. Also, yes, some people do say the dumbest things, don't they? Again, I guess it is their way of trying to fit into our world for that brief moment and saying that thing that will make it all right with us (ya right?) But, again, they don't get it and as I say to many people "you don't get it and I pray you never do!"

So from one who "gets it" to another...............HAPPY HAPPY 2 YEAR CANCERVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It IS a special day. The SPECIALIST (is that a wordhttp://her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon7.gif?)

Love to you and Chelee and may God's Peace surround you.

Mary Jo

[RobinP]

The wonder and glory of this board is that there are others like you who do totally get it. This board was the only group of people would congradulated me on my five year anniversary. I announced it to my family, but they failed to acknowledge it at all. Having said that, congradulations to all on their cancer anniversary and know we here are fighters and survivors so live life to its fullest, knowing we worked to be here, unlike many in this world who just take life for granted. We truly know what it means to live and give.

[suzan w]

Happy Cancerversary!!! And, I "get it" like evereyone else here. I could go on and on about how it hurts my feelings when people don't..."get it". And I say that because, even before cancer, I think I am the type of person who "gets it"!! I have had friends and family who have been hit with a major life crisis and I sent cards, made phone calls, cooked casseroles and on and on, yet these same people do not respond in kind. And quite frankly, I just don't understand!!! So, the Her2 SUPPORT Group is just what it says...SUPPORT!!! It has become my support system because we all care about each other and your milestone is my milestone!!!

[WomanofSteel]

Happy, Happy two years! Wishing you many more!

[Believe51]

As you may remember, September 7, 2007 was Mighty Oak's 'One Year Cancerversary' and I planned a nice 4 day getaway in New Hampshire to celebrate the time we did not think we would have. I was so proud of him beating the prognosis' that were given to him in the beginning.

One of my friends, ahhhh...a breast cancer survivor herself.....could not grasp the fact that we were celebrating him getting cancer. Hello...not celebrating someone getting cancer Sweetie....celebrating LIFE!! After I thought about her noncompassionate comments I realized something. She could never come to this site or other sites, she does not want to learn about cancer because she is so afraid of it. She is not even in charge of her own treatment plans, she relies on the doctors judgement and I do not want to even tell you those horror stories. Her fears have kept her clueless. I was hurt at first because who better to understand than a breast cancer patient??? I now pray for her in a special way so she may conquer her fears so she may continue to conquer breast cancer!!

No Darling, not everyone understands but we do. I am going to take a moment tonight to rejoice in your news. Never let anyone rob you of the reasons you fight this fight!! You are a Hero in my book Chelee and you inspire us all here. Keep up the great fight and celebrate with all you have. My wishes for many many more years Dear friend!! Lots of Love and Prayers>>Believe51

PS: Jean let me know if you need more comments for the book, I have many here too!! ROTFL!! Love to you!

[dhealey]

Chelee, Congrats on your cancer anniversary! I know exactly what your talking about. When I finished chemo it was a big deal to me. Everyone acted like so what. Tommorrow is my last herceptin treatment and again people act like its no big deal. It is a huge deal for me as I feel like I have been to hell and back this past year and I am finally coming to the surface again. I intend to celebrate big time even if no one joins me. The other question I hate is are you cured? How do you answer that one? Only those with cancer understand. I am so happy for you!!!

[Joan M]

Hi Chelee, Happy Anniversary!!! Joan

[chrisy]

Chelee,
You're right, other people don't get it at all! Even my hubby doesn't get it - he views it as commemorating the event of getting cancer - not the celebration of SURVIVING it!

[BonnieR]

This looks like a thread where I can take a moment to vent. I just came home from a party where a woman asked me if I had figured out yet what about my life had "caused" my cancer. She is a graduate of the Esalen Institute and feels she is totally in touch with her "inner self" and that I was more "aware", I would not have gotten cancer. She asked why the hospital was not teaching this. I told her they were too busy saving lives the conventional way.

[Chelee]

I am certainly overwhelmed by all replies. :) I knew all of you would get *it*! After the way this year's cancerversary went I think I'll take after MicheleU and do like she did. lol Now she has the RIGHT idea. lol (Way to go Michele!)

I also had to laugh at Becky's post...that's so funny & yet so very true! lol You all have made me feel 100% better about the whole thing, and that's saying alot. Thanks so much for all the well wishes and kind words of support. I seriously can't thank you all enough. You guys made my day.

Chelee

[Margerie]

Chelee,

Hooray for your cancerversary!!

I understand the "don't get it" factor. I don't know if I would have gotten it before all this happened. In a way, I am glad so many people don't know the pain and fear that we experience. As an example, great friends of ours live about 4 hours away and have young kids also. WHen I was diagnosed- they could not have been more supportive to me and my family. A year later the husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. They told me they were devastated for me when I was diagnosed and very sympathetic, but did not truly understand until it happened to them. He just celebrated his one year, and me my two year. We all met for dinner and what a powerful moment.

Next year throw yourself and Alive and Kickin' Party!!! We all should!