Do not pass Go - do not collect $200 -

[hermiracles]

go straight to Stage 1V!! Please excuse my sick sense of humour! but I am still in shock! The last time I posted here I think about 2 weeks ago - I was Stage 2 and just about to commence chemo for BC Her2+++.

Since then I have been in hospital with a #neck of femur and hip replacement op at age 52!?? Mets to bone and possibly spine!?? YIKES!! Ive only just had a bilateral mastectomy and a catscan of pelvis, abdo and chest that came back clear... go figure???

Now my Onc tells me I have 18mths to live!!?? I know statistics are just that.. but please God I'd like to try and be around to see my bubbas grow up. Sorry if Im sounding melodramatic or disrespectful... I dont think the pain meds from the hospital are helping my state of mind much at the moment either.

Must go and try and have a nap.
Blessings all
Hermiracles

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Elizabeth Kubler Ross

[tricia keegan]

OMG Of course you're in shock and been through so much already! Glad to hear a bit of humour creeping through which is a great sign so keep that atittude going:)
I don't believe for a moment any Dr can give anyone a time line on life,no one knows and you'll read enough "miracle stories" on here as proof of that. You have a huge range of chemo drugs to choose and of course herceptin so I think it was very foolish of your onc to give you this devastating news so early in your treatment.
I know you'll get lots of advice from people here in a similar situation to you who know far more than I that will give you hope,confidence and determination to face the future and prove your Onc wrong. Your pic of the babies is lovely,really cute and they alone give you everything to fight for and ensure you do beat this.
My very best wishes to you as you begin your treatments and please keep us posted.

[chicagoetc]

Ouch. That's a lot of news/surgery to handle in such a short period of time. And that's a lot of skipping the normal progression (if there is such a thing as "normal" in this race). I'm sure you already know this, but go slow, cry as you need, recovery from the surgery, live one day at a time but as fully as you can. I suspect your priorities will clarify even more (just the diagnosis of breast cancer in and of itself changes life and priorities, often in a good way).

Looks like you have two youngsters. They need you. Whether it's for eighteen months or eighteen years. I know something about human development. Even infants are at highly formative stages of life. What you do for/with them will affect them for the rest of their lives (not that you need to or should be the only one providing them nurture and love).

I can't imagine how I would respond in your situation, nor how you will respond. But God does. Other folk on this forum do. And I am sure you will learn as each day goes by.

I will pray for you and follow as you keep us up-to-date re your situation. Be good to you.

Melanie

[jones7676]

Many people have been stage 4 for over 18 months, check the other posts on this web site. I know it is very hard and you must be in shock. But, they are coming up with new and better treatments all the time. I hope that the treatment regiment they are using for you works wonders and that you have many more years to live.

[lilyecuadorian]

Dear Hermiracles ...I think that herceptin and taxotere ....will clear up all your mets (how about add carboplatin it did clear me, that combo is really good)

[dhealey]

Never give up hope. Those beautiful babies are your reason to keep on fighting with all you've got! Praying for the magical combo to bring you to NED!

[hutchibk]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. What overwhelming news to get, all so quickly. There are so many avenues to knock this stuff back. You just have to be sure you work to get you body as healthy as you can so that you can tolerate everything they will need to throw at you. I personally believe that there are at least 25 stages... that's what works for me!

[fauxgypsy]

Second opinions and third!!!! This seems to be a radical opinion and and I think he/she is premature to be predicting your death. It looks like you have just started on the herceptin recently and there are a lot of other cancer treatments available. You hang in there and keep looking. Stage four is not a death sentence and 18 months is based on old statitstics, anyway. And you are right, pain meds do muddy your thoughts. Keep on with the treatments and look for options when your head clears. I cannot imagine a doctor scheduling major surgery while you are just beginning treatment. Please, please get second opinions.

Leslie

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

When I metastasized 3 yrs after initial dx, it was '98. I was 52 yrs old, post menopausal, w/4th stage invasive lobular carcinoma, including 2 lymph nodes, HER2+ 80%, w/multiple tumors throughout my liver. I went into total shock. I read that I had less than a 15% chance of surviving 5 yrs. I tossed that bk. I decided that somehow I WOULD BE AMONG THE LITTLE GROUP OF SURVIVORS. And I wouldn't stop at 5 yrs. So Hermiracles -- just wrap your mind around the fact that you are going to do the chemo, meditate, use guided imagery, maybe boost your immune system and heart w/supplements and roll your sleeves up. You need to let the scary thoughts through while you hold on to your sense of humor. You need to experience all the fear that what you are facing entails and go forward ANYWAY!! I believe that once you talk about, and write about, your feelings, you can purge yourself of the unwanted, negative, agonizing thoughts and emotions and move toward taking control of your thoughts! Beginning the healing process. I have learned to troll throughout the day to hear what my mental chatter is. To confront it. Experience and ventilate it all, through talking and writing. Then expel all the crap in your head and reboot! Consciously choose the words you truly wish to circulate in your head all day. Know that they are commands being sent from your mind to your body. And know that your body will respond. It hears everything you say, or whisper. AND THAT IS A GOOD THING. Because it can EMPOWER you to go where you want to go. I have read many studies and reports that substantiate this awesome reality. Some are not open to its expanded awareness. I pray you are open. Yes, this is very hard work. It is a 24/7 job, but the rewards you will reap are so very worth all your toil. And, it will get easier, as with all things in Life, practice makes perfect...

Use every discipline you have access to, including the chemo, AND 2ND AND 3RD OPINIONS!! I have to say I would *not* want a doc who thinks I'm a lost cause, w/less than 18 mnths to live.

Richard Bloch (of H & R Bloch) was told 30+ yrs ago that he had mnths to live. He had lung ca, which is way harder to control than bc, and was especially not a good place to be 3 decades ago. They've come a long way since then. Richard wrote a book which I have read. He went on heavy duty chemo for a full year, meditated, used guided imagery, read bks to feed his Soul, used the love of his wife Annette for him and his for her -- and 25 yrs later was still going strong. He programmed his thinking. He defied the odds and the doctor's advice to put his affairs in order. He declined to go. He used every fiber of his being to reach for what he wanted. AND SO CAN YOU!! I believe that with all my heart. Richard wrote that IF ONE PERSON CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU. I will never forget his words.

I want to jump into cyberspace and put my arms around you and look you in the eye (so you can see my passion) and say these words to you in person. Please keep posting Hermiracles. Love your husband and those adorable babies and feel the joy and harmony of Life with each day. This is all so new for you, coming so darn fast, I don't know if you've caught your breath yet. Be patient w/yourself. But please do move to OPINIONS 2 AND 3!!! You need more input. And better attitude from your oncs! Shame on that poor discouraged and discouraging Soul of a doc. Let him take his 18 mnths and go for a hike...

Move over here, honey -- into the Light. Go deep within yourself -- right to your center, your core. That is your Essence. Your Spirit. You will recognize it when you acknowledge it and merge with it. It is a fragment of the energy of your divine Source, and it is the True You. My understanding is God can't be everytwhere so He put a bit of Himself into each of us, full of wisdom and guidance, if we learn to tap into it. Listen to your Inner Voice! It wants what you want. It is there to nurture you and lead you. Once you connect w/that force you become mightily empowered. You are a Soul with a mind and a body. This is how I have come to see pp since bc. I have read and studied and adopted this belief with all my heart. It is unshakable. I can see you. You are radiant, still glowing from the birth of your miracle babies. We are each meant to learn to take control of our lives, stop being victimized by our sour, dour thoughts and to edit our internal dialogue.

Your body has been through so much. So much dysfunction (bc, hips, pregnancy and birth). Hormones racing and raging through it all. But you can still get yourself together and enjoy decades to come, with LOVE, joy, laughter, an open heart and gratitude for your many blessings. All these are full of healing power! BELIEVE in yourself and your ability to do this. To help yourself heal. You can do this. Let faith and certainty propel you. Make your Intention clear and resolute. Focus all your energy on your vivid Expectation, as Richard did. As I do. As so many survivors do. See your victory. Feel it. Own it. As Olympic gold medalists and winning teams do. Live KNOWING you are calling your desired destiny to you.

I am sending you all the strength and courage I can muster, along with my love,
Andi

[swanky]

Hermiracles - what cute little ones! I just want to say the same thing the other ladies have touched on. First, your doctor has no way on knowing how long you have left, you have tons of tx options to go thru before he can throw up his hands and give up. Kick him in the ass for me and then go find a new onc. Secondly, get genetic testing done, if you are BRCA 1 or 2 positive you will be eligible for the PARP clinical trial. In fact there are so many clinical trials out there that are adding even more tx options...lace up those cancer ass kicking boots and ring the bell. Ding. Ding. Fight is on.

Hugs,
Leea

[Sheila]

Hermiracles
I could not have said it better than Leea.....what Dr gives a time line???? Time to look elsewhere, where they can look at other options...you have many, and 2 beautiful miracles to be here for.
Sending prayers....the answers will come!

[Jean]

Dear hermiracles,
First of all, what a double blessing - your babies are beautiful!
I am sorry that you have been given such drastic news, but I think
- your dr. is way too negative...
Very important to get additonal opinions, but most of all to work with a dr. that is confident for you and has a positive attitude. Attitude is so important on everyone's part. You will be starting herceptin and herceptin has changed the stats for many HER 2 woman.

As you get familiar with the board you will see that there are many woman who are stage IV and long time survivors. Once you start your treatment
you will then be fighting back this devil of a disease.

Please let us know how your are as you enter the road to recovery !

Blessings,
jean

[madubois63]

I will repeat some of the information already offered because it is good advice! Your doctor is NOT God! He/she can not tell you when you are going to die. The stats are old. The stats the docs are using are based on information that is 5 years old. People like me and you are making the new statistics for people five years down the line. Although I do not believe the doc should offer a timeline, I believe that your doc forgot to tell you something - You have 18 months to live "IF YOU DO NOT TAKE TREATMENTS." I highly recommend getting a second or third opinion! Stage IV is not a death sentence!!! I was originally diagnosed as stage IV, and that was almost 8 years ago. My kids were 10 and 8 when this all started. My son is in his first year of college, and my daughter is now searching colleges. I had moments when I didn't believe I'd make it this far, but I quickly got those thoughts out of my mind. I know you are in shock right now, but please don't let it overwhelm you. Learn as much as you can about your situation and remember you hired the doctor. You are the boss. Do not let anyone tell you what to do. The doctor should offer advice and you should make decisions TOGETHER. This is your life. Get copies of all reports/pathology so that you have them in you possession when you visit other doctors and so that you can read and better understand your diagnosis. Keep posting. There are many here that have good advice to offer!!

[hermiracles]

Dear friends - sisters! Thank you so much for your kind - and informative! - responses. I really appreciate it - each and everyone of your responses.

Not doing too much - still in some pain post op - and trying to process all this new info about where I am at. I've been reading here everyday - just trying to take it all in - as much as I can handle. Doing the best I can to look after our bubbas ~ gorgeous eh? ~ with hubby's help ~ he's a good daddy daddy.

And I am tired - sorry I can't post much - but I do read. Hopefully starting Herceptin this Thursday.

Blessings all
Hermiracles

[Believe51]

Never let anyone give you a 'Death-Sentence', no one knows for sure. There are statistics and they are just that, STATISTICS. The law of averages says that there are exceptions to the rules. Now if you said this to me 4-5 years ago I may have believed the doctor, but not today Sweetness. As a matter of fact, more women and men are living with stage IV Breast Cancer and are getting treated like a cronic disease. Keep the faith and remember Dear Friend, BELIEVE!!>>Believe51

PS: Not to mention that I have seen too many miracles in my life not to believe....and look at your name.....hermiracle!!!

[Lolly]

Do not pay any attention to your onc's dire predictions!!!! I was diagnosed Stage IV in 2001, 6 months after finishing surgery/chemo/rads for Stage III, and I'm still very much alive and kicking. We've kept my disease very well contained with a combo of Herceptin and chemo cocktails, so I very much have what is considered a manageable, chronic disease at this point.
Every one's disease is unique to their system, and no one can predict how you will respond to Herceptin, and of course there's now Tykerb also, and in clinical trials many new options for Her2+ cancer. Do not despair.

<3 Lolly

[sarah]

Find another doctor.
Also see what happens after you take taxotere (maybe it should be Abraxane?) and above all, Herceptin. You'll prove them wrong. You must be so upset, I hope you have good support around you. watch funny movies and tv programs and laugh a lot. so many on this site have proven the stats wrong, so will you. ask directly the longtime survivors what has worked for them but i truly think herceptin is a miracle drug.
I send lots of love and lots of hugs,
sarah

[Belinda]

Hermiracles - this is all so hard. You will beat your onc's stats. Deep breathing - try and get rest, keep nourished and hydrated - simple simple things to get you through while you get yourself through this stage. It will be okay - it has to be. Will pm you an aussie suggestion for support as well. Bx

[michka]

Hermiracles, you were right to post! There are so many wonderful women who are Stage IV who can tell you about their experience. They all fought or are fighting. It sure is difficult but many, many are winning. So go in and fight. And when it is hard, look at those two angels and at your man. Take strength from them. And take all the support and love from us. Continue posting and tell us if you got other opinions.
Michka

[dede10]

I've been stage 4 since March 2003-when I was dx'd. So, there is ALWAYS hope, and faith. Just keep going and fighting...Don't give up.

[tousled1]

Hermiracles,

I'm absolutely speechless! How can a doctor determine your life cylce. Please do not give up the fight as there are many treatment options available to you. You have two beautiful miracles to fight for. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Sherryg683]

I will be 2 years out in December with original diagnosis with mets to the lung. I have been NED ever since treatment of Taxotere, Xeloda and Herceptin. Hopefully, I will continue that way for many more years. I can't believe your Oncologist told you that you had 18 months to live, he must not be confident in his ability. I think I would look for a more optimistic doctor who will fight for you...sherryg

[Vanessa]

My doctor initially told me that I had 2-3 years, (I am a stage 4er), but later admitted that those were statistics were pre-Herceptin. Now she just tells me that this will be a chronic illness. There are so many treatment combinations. You have come to the right place for support, these sisters have helped me through some dark times and we will do the same for you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[chrisy]

Boy can I relate to the shock you must be feeling. I went from Stage 0 to Stage IV! From club NED to club DEAD. That will definitely give you a twisted sense of humor. My oncologist and surgeon were in complete denial!

That was a bit over 3 years ago. I was fortunate to have a 2 great oncologists who never gave me an expiration date.

I dearly loved my original oncologist and somehow always felt like (after having told me I was "cured" 2 years prior) he was particularly invested in me living a long life. I called him "Dr. Cautiously Optimistic". He dropped dead of a heart attack at 42...I'd secretly planned to outlive him, but was thinking more of me being 86 and him 78.

My 2nd opinion doctor, "Dr. Hope", gave us just that - hope that I might respond well and for a long time to the numerous new therapies coming down the pipe for Her2+ ladies. She used the "chronic" analogy that others have mentioned. She told me that women are living longer with this disease and managing it for many years.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm SO sorry that you are now on a different road than you had expected. But neither you nor your doctor can say how long that road will be.

Do not lose heart, it is not over - you can and will gear up and continue the fight. Keep the faith. Keep the fight. For yourself and those beautiful BB's.

We're all pulling for you.

Much love
chris

[hutchibk]

Chrisy - you crack me up and I think we were separated at birth! I love my onc, too - he has never talked about expiration dates or long or short term prognosis, and he doesn't ever intend to. He does tell me stories about patients who have come to him after a previous onc has told them there is nothing else they can do, and that was 3, 4, 5 years ago.... He tells me exactly the same things yours tells you. Let's get you around every next corner, because there is so much new stuff that will be ready and waiting to help us conquer the next hurdle. We just keep jumping the hurdles. He just makes me promise to do my part to stay as healthy as possible in all other ways so that I can handle what ever he needs to throw at me.

[TriciaK]

You have received such wonderful responses I can hardly add much, but I want to add my prayers and good wishes to all these others. I have survived---and thrived---for 22 years of fighting BC, the last 3 and a half after her2 lung mets. My onc gave me 3 months before I started herceptin, then a year. When I laughed at him and told him he was wrong and I would be around at least 5 years, he apologised and agreed, and said that my attitude would make the difference. I have actually been stage 4 for 18 years now. There is so much available now to fight with, and cancer is becoming more a chronic treatable illness than the death sentence it used to be considered. Many oncologists are still stuck in the old statistics. We are now creating new statistics! There are so many great survivor stories here---Please let us know how you are doing. I pray that you will have a great survivor story to tell as you go along! Hugs, Tricia

[hermiracles]

Thank you ladies so much for your wonderful loving - and inspiring responses. Sometimes I find it hard to resist my negative thinking - and Im not sure that the Onc's words are helping! (and my latest allergic reaction to my 1st dose of Herceptin hasn't helped either!)

Still I am off to get a 2nd opinion on treatment which some friends have arranged the appointment for me - so Im feeling a bit more hopeful today and it certainly helps to come here and read all of your responses! Thank you.

Blessings all
Hermiracles