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View Full Version : okay, so do you want the dish on the dates


Joy
09-29-2007, 05:38 PM
Okay gals, word to the wise, if you are doing the internet thing meet for coffee rather than dinner. It is a much more finite amount of time and that is a good thing.

My first date was an evening thing and he was willing to drive an hour and a half. We had had a great deal of good phone conversation as well as e-mail. But on the date-not so much. It was so weird. As soon as I saw him walking my direction (he told me what he would be wearing on the phone as he was driving) I kind of wanted to pretend I was someone else (I know that is not nice). I could tell immediately that he wasn't my type-like I can be that picky.

But out here there is a lot of the rancher/cowboy thing, which for me is not appealing (not because I don't respect the work or anything-I think I'm just too metro or something).

Then the conversation felt a little strained which threw me because of our phone calls. And he kept saying that my pics didn't do me justice, which was nice, like once or twice, but several times. We walked around our old town area and eventually sat down in a pub. After 15 minutes of walking I was wishing I was home with my best friend (who is staying with me for awhile), drinking wine and watching something silly.

It was weird and he mentioned something kind of weird and gross 3 times between a phone call and our date (had to do with porn-I won't elaborate). One time there was kind of a segue, but the other two times there really wasn't.

WE left it at just leaving it, I guess. I was afraid to check e-mail the next day and when I finally did I realized that he e-mailed me shortly after getting home from our night saying he thought it was wonderful and we could do a good job of killing time together.

SOOO, the next day after work I met this other man for coffee. And I can't say there was an immediate physical attraction, but the conversation was lovely and an hour and a half flew by.

So when I got home from that and checked e-mail, he had e-mailed me as soon as he had gotten home and said it was enjoyable and the time flew and he was sorry he had to cut it short to go get his kids. To which I responded hat he never needed to apologize for tending to his children. He wanted to know, if I would like to do something else, like have dinner. I said sure and asked what kind of dinner and where and he said in my town at someplace kind of romantic where we could talk longer and share some wine. So we are going out Monday. And he called me and we have chatted a couple of ways since.

So I have no expectations, but I do think the dinner will be enjoyable. We definitely had more of the same tastes and experiences to share than the other man (and he didn't mention porn once!).

So that is the scoop gals-thanks for any interest. It is fun to chat with you guys about this kind of thing-and it is not even cancer!!!!!!

chrisy
09-29-2007, 06:13 PM
Batting 500 on blind-ish dates isn't too bad! But I agree - first date thing is good to have a very "short" time in which you can make a graceful exit!

Porn is not a good start!

Love you
Chris

Mary Jo
09-29-2007, 06:26 PM
Hi Joy,

My vote goes to guy number 2. http://www.her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon14.gif He-he!!!!

Mary Jo

lilyecuadorian
09-29-2007, 07:12 PM
sorry for the "porn guy" but the second have my vote ..........

PinkGirl
09-29-2007, 08:03 PM
Definitely Guy #2.

Ceesun
09-29-2007, 08:05 PM
Definitely guy #2-glad you are enjoying yourself-we all need that. Good Luck Ceesun

Bev
09-29-2007, 08:15 PM
#2 sounds worth following up on. Don't forget there's # 3 and 4 etc waiting to be met. It's fun following your saga. It's been decades since I've dated. Yikes. Just relax and have fun. Bev

Jean
09-29-2007, 10:07 PM
Joy,
Glad to hear you are going out! Good for you!
Guy #1 sounds sort of sour and maybe he was fishing?
Who knows...but my vote is with guy #2...

Good luck with dinner!
Jean

StillHere
09-29-2007, 11:15 PM
Joy
Hope date # 2 w/ date # 2 continues where it left off on date # 1 w/ date # 2. Heres wishing you don't have to get into double digit dating, cuz this could get very confusing for us with chemobrain. Have a relaxing fun time on Monday. Peace Karen

Sheila
09-30-2007, 05:08 AM
Joy
Just remember to find that prince, unfortunately you may have to kiss, er... chat with, er... date alot of toads.....hope the next dinner with bachelor #2 goes great...wow, I feel like I just opened my old board game, the dating game!!!!

dhealey
09-30-2007, 05:45 AM
Guy #2 gets my vote. Glad your going out and having fun. That's what life is about filling our days with fun!!!!!

Jeanette
09-30-2007, 06:23 AM
I vote for # 2 also. First one did not impress me. Just take your time Joy and have fun, Hugs Jeanette

Joy
09-30-2007, 06:54 AM
This is like the old dating game. I'm in no hurry. And to be truly honest, I mean really honest I want a hot, hot, hottie with all the other great qualities. I see them everywhere, but never know what to do. Well, unfortuantley we are a college town and many are sadly, too young. I forget that I could be their mother. "And here's to you Mrs. Robinson..." It is great eye candy, but that is it. But last night I was out with friends and saw a number of great looking men my age, but I don't even know how to work with that.

So, yes there could be bachelor number 3 and 4 and 5, who knows.

Thanks for joining in the fun.

SoCalGal
09-30-2007, 07:59 AM
Okay, I am very proud of you for dating. It's HARD. When I went thru my shattering divorce a couple of years ago, I started a support group. Now we are a "women's group" and we meet weekly to discuss many important issues.

The one thing that proves true over and over, is to listen to your gut. We always say, "any red flags?" Guy number one had RED RED with inappropriate mention of porn.
So far, guy number two sounds good. Go slowly, watch for flags.

In my OTHER group (living beyond limits) there are several YOUNG survivors, and we talk a lot about WHEN to bring up the big C. It's a very personal and tough subject but the thinking seems to be there is no need to reveal every single thing until after several dates. THere are SEVERAL woman in the group (me included) who met men after diagnosis, and who are in wonderful relationships with these men.

I force all my single girlfriends to date - mostly online since that is the new singles bar. You don't need me to tell you how short life is and the whole purpose of life is love.

When you see a handsome man, without a ring, always approach with some question. If you are in the market, ask "what are you making for dinner tonight?" "Look in their basket and say, I forgot my list - I'm trying to remember what I need" - at a bar, say Hi, what are you guys drinking? I don't know what I feel like having tonight. At the gym - a specific question - how do you use this equipment, or have you ever taken such and such a class. The best way to befriend anyone is to be friendly, flirty and be interested. ANY question by a woman is flattering and lets a man know you are interested. They will take it from there.

Okay, that's all my dating advise for this MONTH. Glad you are putting yourself "out there". It is not easy but it's worth it! xoxoFlori

lilyecuadorian
09-30-2007, 08:55 AM
FLori advise ? great advise ? or great memory you just mencioned all, (mean for flirt o friendly tactics)

AlaskaAngel
09-30-2007, 10:51 AM
You can't learn to swim without getting in the water... Glad to see you paddling around without heading straight for the rapids... I just wish I was more interested in swimming myself!

Beached by chemopause,

A.A.

vickie h
09-30-2007, 12:26 PM
Joy dear, There are numbers 3 through ? out there and I agree with you that being in no hurry and enjoying kicking back with your best friends is so wonderful. My daughter went through the same thing and was taken back by how many guys out there were living on another planet. But she is now married and happy. Prayers to your happiness and those beautiful children. Love always, Vickie

Esther
09-30-2007, 12:45 PM
Joy, thanks so much for bringing a fun and entertaining post to read! I wish you the best in your internet dating adventures.

At the very least it should prove entertaining for the rest of us to hear about!!!

Patb
09-30-2007, 01:45 PM
I like the adventure. Keep us posted, I'm not voting yet.
patb

tousled1
09-30-2007, 03:52 PM
Joy,

I'm so happy that you are dating. It doesn't matter if you find Mr. Right or not as long as you are having fun. Just think of it as meeting new people and a new experience. And besides, you never know -- you might just find that "hottie" somewhere, sometime when you least expect it. Enjoy yourself.

Vanessa
09-30-2007, 07:27 PM
I am glad to hear you are having fun. I also, vote for #2 and possibly 3,4 or 5. I guess after I get through with chemo in January and lose my steriod weight, I will have to get out there again. In the meantime, I hope you continue to enjoy yourself.

mke
09-30-2007, 08:46 PM
Hmmm. 3 references to something weird and gross porn thing? OHHH this isn't a red light, it's way beyond that. Lose that one.

Actually I love the dish on the dates. I'm an old married lady with only sons - I gotta get this stuff vicariously.

DonnaD
10-01-2007, 06:04 AM
Joy,
I agree with Esther. Thanks for bringing some light hearted thoughts into our lives. WE NEED THAT!

I think you deserve a hot hot hottie!
Donna

julierene
10-02-2007, 11:48 AM
So what's the update? Has guy #2 been told you are Stage 4? Did you tell him that upfront? I'll be in your shoes soon honey... Love, Julie

fullofbeans
10-02-2007, 05:01 PM
Have fun Joy, I am glad that date number 2 went well..

For the mo I would say just enjoy the company and the attention, don't worry about anything else so early on, just be the hot and flirty Joy;-)

The rest will fall into place as and when..life is for living.