this is my story

[debski]

Hi,

I have had a diagnosis of early breast cancer for just over a year now- I took it all in my stride. Did the chemo (did n't take that in my stride but did it anyway) did the radiotherapy- got something like pneumonia in December but came out of it all and got back to work.

My workmates were great- as were my pupils (I am a teacher in England).

I was up and down but now I think I am going a bit mad. I just want to cry all the time. I even had a dream last night that the cancer returned and I wet the bed! I am forty years old and have n't done that since I was 5.

I feel like people must be sick of me talking about it.

I am on herceptin and should count myself lucky because the National Health Service has only recently been allowed to use it for early breast cancer......BUT it is a three weekly interruption to my life and reminder of the most awful time in my life.

Self pity is fruitless and I am ashamed to say I am feeling sorry for myself- I am even beginning to think that people think I am making it all up. I had a near panic attack in the lift to the chemotherapy suite but just managed to pull myself together in time for the doors to open.

Do people get sick of hearing about it? Or is it just my imagination

Thanks for reading.

[Believe51]

We never get sick of hearing anything, that is why we are here for one another. Keep the faith, what you are feeling is normal and we love you the way you are. As time goes on the feelings of self-pity and sadness gets lighter, but it only comes from keeping the brain and soul healthy. Keep posting and let my Angels work their magic...>Believe51

[Jeanette]

Never ever feel that noone cares. you can rant and rave all you want on this site. The ladies and guys are the greatest listners in the world. We have all been there and done that. just keep coming back, you will get thru this, believe me, Blessings and Hugs to you, Jeanette

[doh2pa]

On the contrary, I think people that care about you feel helpless and if they can lend an ear it makes them feel like they are doing something (and they are!). We all go through these feelings of panic. Cancer is a scary word and finding myself in the middle of it almost seems like a dream (okay, more like a nightmare!). But we are all here for you, anytime of day or night and we do understand. So post to your heart's content, get it off your chest, and know that you are not alone in this fight. So much good research is going on right now - I truly believe that a CURE is around the corner. So don't be so hard on yourself. It isn't easy walking this path, but we are here to hold your hand.

Donna

[R.B.]

I must stress I cannot give you advice and you must discuss diet with your medical advisor, and even more so when in treatment.

There is a significant body of evidence linking deficiency in long chain omega three (found in oily fish / fish oil) and depression. At the most basic level the brain does not work properly without adequate DHA. To save me prattlling on this is a good book that explains. "Bookfinders" is another way to get a copy.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Brain-Building-Nutrition-Physical-Emotional-Intelligence/dp/1583941819/ref=sr_1_1/026-5975330-5454002?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1183159605&sr=1-1

And if you search under omega three, fish oil, Greek diet, breast cancer diet, etc on this site you will find there are quite a lots of indications that the omega threes may reduce risk of BC, improve some treatment outcomes etc.

Herceptin works as one of its legs in the fats pathways. I have asked on many occasions if it blocks the body's ability to convert mother omega three or six or both to the long chain children which includes DHA. I have seen no answer

IF you cannot make DHA from the mother fat, if you do not have supplies of the mother omega three, or do not eat it in your diet, you do get it. The body cannot make the omega three and six mother fats.

Because most eat a lot of high six low three vegetable oils, and we feed our animals food high omega six grains most have far more omega six than three.

SO for most the issue is omega three supplementation (and looking at cutting intake of omega six to bring into balance with omega three intake)

If you do find this an approach you might want to explore further please ensure you discuss dietary change with your doctor. Fish oils can cause blood thinning.

Equally you should consider discussing your depression with you medical advisor.

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through, and wish you hope and a brighter day.
RB

[Karen Weixel]

I am going to get that book. I am having a really bad time with depression right now and I can't figure out what is going on. I was wondering the Aromasin had anything to do with it.

Karen

[theresaw]

And know that He is there for you!! The feelings that you are feeling are very normal, like everyone has said We all have been there I know I have. I believe this site is/was a miracle for me, I come here to read about others, rant, rave and then I feel better. All of us care for one another on this site and personally I don't know what I would have done without it!
Keep your head up there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Vanessa]

I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time, but you have come to the right place. I have had some pretty rough nightmares about bc from time to time. I am always glad to wake up. Best wishes to you.

[Bev]

Some people might be sick of it. So what. If you didn't feel sorry for yourself we would be nominating you to sainthood. We deserve to feel sorry. After that we move onto hopeful or resigned.

If you're having panic attacks there's meds for that. Do ask for them as you'll feel better, perhaps to the point of not caring whether folks are thinking you're whining. We've truly had our world upended and need lot's of support.

For every person who is sick of it or doesn'nt understand, you will find 3 or 4 who will surround you with unconditional love and understanding from the most unsuspected places. So hang in there. Bev

[Jean]

It is so very normal to feel fear and worry after being dx. It takes time for the mind to accept and then feel control again. In the early months of my
dx. I went through times that I was so worried I wondered when will I be myself again? I had a dream one night that a dr. was telling me I had bc.
I was so upset in the dream that it woke me up out of my sleep. In those first moments of the sleepy haze I could not remember if I was dreaming
or if it was real and I felt a slight panic.

I think it is important to realize that a dx of cancer does not mean instant doom. You mentioned you caught your disease in the early stages which
is in your favor, you are taking hercpetin another favorable treatment.
As you can see there are so many gals on this site who are doing extremely well (Thank God).....Just try to remember that you are doing
everything you can to help yourself. What may help you is learning everything you can about bc which may help you to feel more in control. Knowledge is power.

As far as your feelings about people around you may not wanting to listen, well
you just come right here....everyone on the site understands the ups and the downs....just keep telling yourself "You Will Survive" and believe it.

All Good Wishes,
Jean

[debski]

Thankyou all so much for your kind words. I do feel a bit better today and it is nice to know there is support out there. I think I am going to take R.B.'s advice about diet and strangely I know that when I was exercising and eating well I was a lot more balanced. I just seem to go into decline a few days before the next herceptin- so completely psychological.
I will start to eat better and get on my bike.
Thinking about it I think that I am misinterpreting my friends. When they play down my symptoms I think they are trying to reassure and comfort me that all is ok. I thought they meant that I was imagining them!

Love to all and thankyou so much.