Okay I admit I'm scared

[Carolyns]

Hi Ladies,

I am trying to stay busy and positive...funny and light, but...

Bottom line is that since I got confirmation that the bone mets in the spine are active again and I am adding Tykerb...and it arrived today...the pressure is building. I know that I have much to be thankful for and that most of the scans showed good news...but...I am scared. There I said it and you know it. I want to sound positive but...I am scared. Yikes, not terrified but scared...

scared, scared, scared...

Love, Hope, and Peace,

Carolyns

[chrisy]

Carolyn,

Of course you are scared. Who wouldn't be, "knowing" the appearance that all is not well with our bodies. So much of this fight - maybe even more than the chemo - is the mind games. Every day my mind goes to the dark side and it scary and sad. The best we can do is try to not dwell there. None of us know what is to come in the next days, weeks, months or years. Our job is to tap into the hope and resilience inside and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And have our faith be stronger than our fear.

Sending you big hugs.

Chris

[Carolyns]

Chrisy,

Thank you. You said exactly the right thing at the right time. You are a wise women.

Love, Hope, and Peace,

Carolyn

[Lolly]

I'm scared too, most of the time, just don't let myself admit it. Most of the time. I think it's healthier to admit our fears, I'm just not very good at that. Bravo for you to put it out there! Just breath in, breath out, one day at a time.

<3 Lolly

[Carolyns]

Lolly,

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad I can come here and say how I really feel. You are such a dear. I too tend to keep stuff inside...but this is just too big. I must keep up a strong appearance for the rest of the world but I know that you folks understand.

Love, Hope and Peace,

Carolyn

[tousled1]

Carolyn,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you're scared and it is perfectly normal to feel that way. I too am scared but like you don't admit it to anyone. I keep up the brave front and try and remain positive. Hopefully, the tykerb is just what you need to control the mets. You're in my prayers.

[SoCalGal]

I remember when I was first diagnosed, 11 years ago, telling people that the fear factor was far worse than any chemo or cancer.

I fight anxiety everyday of my life since this mets diagnosis. I think we all do. I have been trying to limit my freaking out time to less than 1/2 hour a day, and NEVER at night. It is hard to do - I talk to myself all the time. I also take ativan to smooth the edges whenever I need it which can be quite often. I resent how much time I spend in cancer-world, yet can't quite seem to move on yet. My days are spent trying to manage my symptoms and managing my emotions. I now think of anything less than stage 4 as "not real cancer". I know that's crazy but it's how I feel right now. Isolated and scared. Yet at the same time, I have hope when I read postings on this site.

Try to stay present, look around, see the sun shining and see those who surround you with white light, love and healing.

You are not alone. Chazak (be strong - Hebrew).
Flori

[VirginiaGirl]

I, too, have to confess I'm scared. I have a scan coming up Friday. My 9 year old daughter was diagnosed w/ insulin-dependent diabetes just 3 weeks ago, and it took us by surprise. I've had to do intensive learning about yet another chronic disease, but it's harder because it's her and not me. It's been very stressful, the daily management is stressful, and I'm worried about the effect on my cancer of all this stress. I've had a couple pains - just twice - similar to what I had before the cancer was almost all gone, and I haven't told my husband or family coz I don't want to worry them. I knew from my experience with this board to find one for diabetes, and that has been very helpful too, helpful carb-counting info none of the docs or nurses told us about, plus an avenue for my daughter to hook up with other kids w/ diabetes. One good thing about it is that I am eating better since I don't feel right eating things and at times she can't. Anyway, it finally occured to me to put my fears out here, maybe it would help. Thanks for listening.