Scared and Need to Vent

[emmasmom]

Good morning. Well, yesterday I went to the doctor's to talk to them about my headaches and to review the results from my CT scans. My abdomen and pelvis were clear. When I was first diagnosed I had a few little spots on my lungs. After a PET scan none of them "lit up" so my oncologist told me they were inconclusive (they were too small to do a biopsy) and we would just watch them. Fast forward to yesterday. The spots were still there, albeit smaller. She is going to do a pet scan in the next two weeks (I am going to have to wait until my insurance will cover it). Again, they are too small to do a biopsy and she still doesn't know if they are even cancer because none of them lit up. I was sick most of the winter with horrible colds and a cough. I am hoping it is just an infection that is taking its time to clear.

We talked about my headaches and she wanted to do a brain MRI, just to make sure. I am so scared. This morning, my brain feels like it is ready to explode and now I am having pressure in my ears. My nose has been running most of the morning. We are both hoping that it they are just sinus infections. Again, I am so scared.

Ever since I have been diagnosed I feel like I have been really strong and positive. I have taken on this attitude like there is no way this thing is going to take over my life, but yesterday when I was sent for a Brain MRI I completely broke down. I am mad. I am mad that I am 36 years old and having to deal with this. I should be worrying about all the things that typical 36 year olds are worrying about -- having more babies; how to re-decorate my house; where my Emma is going to go to school. Now I wonder if I will see Emma make her first day of school. I mad and I am so scared. All I feel like doing is crying.

[cosmicdust]

hugs and prayers! This is the place to vent and get support. If possible, seek local support too such as close friends, church...vent all you need too!

[Toril]

Dear Lisa!
I am like you 36, and have a 4 year old daughter. Feel exactly the same as you do. Wish you good luck with your MRI!!
Love Toril

[al from Canada]

If Chicago weather is like ours in southern Ontario, then maybe you can blame it on the low pressure systems that have been rolling through...and stress won't make them go away either. You know, we always seem to gravitate to the worse case scenario and understandably so, but remember why you are here.


Take care of business, get the MRI and focus on your little emma. That's why you are here. I feel the same way you do and believe me, I told Linda 1000 times that I wish I could trade places with her but...I'm angry too. Anger is a destructive emotion which may start with yourself and end up with your family. It is one of those emotions you can't compartimentalize.
There is no reason in the world why you shouldn't be around to see your daughter get married. Every year = better drugs = better survivals.

Stay cool and focused on your life mission,
Al

[lexigirl]

Oh Sweetie I can feel your pain. I was diagnosed last August at 36 years old. I have an aggresive cancer and I was in complete shock. I am doing better now and I plan to be here to see my 2 beautiful kids graduate from school and get married.

It's a good thing that your Onc is ordering the scans. It may be nothing but get it checked out. I wish I was there to give you a big hug.

Love and Prayers,
Lexi

[tammymarie1971]

Big comforting hugs to you...We all know how scary this can be!! I am 35 with 4 kids ages 12 - 4...And fear really does a number on me....sometimes...ativan really helps get me back on the fighting front again...there are just times when you can't logically reason with yourself and I find ativan just helps till that passes...I also have scans coming up for rising tumor markers and "symptoms" I also find that when I take an ativan the symptoms subside somewhat hmmmmmmmm. Have you tried a nasal spray??? are you on herceptin right now? Have you seen all the side effects the other ladies have mentioned??? Sinus problems seem to be the #1 problem.
I don't want to undermine your symptoms at all..but I know from personal experience how little I can count on myself to be objective when fear is taking over. All the best to you.
Now go and do something...anything..retail therapy ????get your mind on something else for a bit.
Hugs and understanding,
Tammy

[DeborahNC]

((emmasmom))

Of course you're scared and feel like crying. You're so young and I'm terribly sorry you're having to deal with all this.

We are here for you, vent all you need. Please let us know your scan results as soon as you can.

[Maryanne]

This is at times so overwhelming but if it helps to know, I have had three lung scans for what appear to be nodules,they also dont light up and are too small to biopsy,and they have remain stable. Have seen a pulmonoligist as well for them and he feels they could very likley be scar tissue from a lung infection years back. So think positive.

Last Monday had my brain MRI was having occasional shooting pains in the top part of my head, and just recently pain and pressure in one ear......well my surgeon who ordered the tests called on Wednesday to tell me my ear is fine and I have a very good brain..LOL

The pollen count here in the northeast has been very high due to the warm winter we had and a great many people have been suffering from all sorts of sinus problems, add to this the stress you are under and all sorts of feelings take over.

Enjoy your little girl and start thinking about that decorating, you are going to be here for a very long time.

Hugs to you and Emma,
Maryanne

[Sherryg683]

On both of my pet scans my liver has shown two small spots that haven't lit up on either scan, My doc says they are most like nothing (can't remember the name they call them hyperlesions or something of the sort). I also have 2 small lung spots that didn't light up with the last Pet I had, he said that it is very commom for people to have nodules like that in their lungs that are not cancerous...due to polution or other irritants, etc... When I was first diagnosed, I did have 2 small lung nodules that did light up as Cancer, they are now gone with chemo and I am NED. As far as the headaches, I've had exactly the same thing you have had and they have lasted for weeks, my head feels like it is going to burst sometimes and the pressure is awful.... so far it has been my sinuses.. Oh yes, the nasal spray worked wonders on me . I've had 2 brain scans that came back clear. It is so hard not to think that every ache and pain and illness is cancer related. Your doctor is just doing his job ordering a brain MRI, you will rest easier once is comes back clean...sherryg683

[saleboat]

Emmasmom--
I've been having weather-induced migraines as well-- kinda like what Al mentioned. I hope that is all it is for you. They are unpleasant--kinda like a sinus-infection. Imitrex works really well on them.

Good luck,
Jen