I don't want to whine...

[tammymarie1971]

but, how do you guys get through each day..I mean what do you tell yourself when you feel something anything..... I'm totally obsessing about brain mets..I've never had and mri on anything..I also don't trust myself to accurately observe symptoms especially when I'm in obsessive mode...I don't even know what I'm getting at here except that I need to learn how to stop obsessing!!!!! So what do you tell yourselves when you start obsessing???? I try saying well if it is something then we will deal with it and get on with things...sometimes this works and than there are times a little voice says "you know this kills people all the time, what makes you think you won't be one of them..." and on and on it goes...

Also does anyone know if canadians even do the gamma knife procedure...there I go again...obsessing...

I should be some what relieved that my tumor marker (ca15-3) came down from 74 to 39 in one treatment of herceptin and zometa..does this mean that I would be highly her2 pos? I have no idea how pos I am. I do know that at original dx(2001), but I was also pregnant at the time..hmmmm I was only a +1 for estrogen. No idea about progesterone, although what do you think about an imbalance between these two hormones as a possible cause of breast cancer, and if so, doesn't it make sense to try and balance them??
Please give me advice on what you tell yourselves when those little obsessive thoughts come your way please!!!!!
Tammy

[michele u]

The obsessing is one of the big down sides to this disease. the first year, i was a total basket case. waiting for it to come back like the dr's said, but it didn't. the best way to get through this is find something that your truly love to do, and do it, alot, so you stop thinking all the time. Be with people alot. this also takes your mind off it. Im a nurse and i love to help others, that takes my mind off my problems. get a puppy, like i did!!! Taking care of something else helps. And the last tip, pray,pray,pray. Being close to God helps too. I hope you are on an antidepressant. I take Effexor XR 75mg. It helps with hot flashes too.

[jener8er]

Hi Tammy, you sound like me today! I also obsess, although like Michele says, if you can stay busy and with people, it definitely helps. I have more trouble with nights. I was pretty much addicted to Ambien, then Lunesta, as my doc said it is important for me to sleep. But then my husband started giving me a hard time about it so I'm trying to not take anything right now - hence my panicked post from last night!

Anyway, hang in there, try to stay busy, try not to read too much on the Internet (yeah right, I know) and take things one day at a time.
Hugs
Jen

[kristen]

Tammy,

I thought about you last night and I don't think you are whinning at all. What you are going through is perfectly normal. I don't know anyone who hasn't or still hasn't from time to time become concerned or become obscessed. This is one tough row to hoe and there is no easy answer to your question.

The best advice I had gotten was that with time it does get better. The farther out you are from this disease the less you will think about it. In two years from now it might run through your head every 5 minutes instead of every 30 seconds as it might now. I played a lot of Mahjong on the computor. It was something I had to concentrate on and it took my mind off it for a while. You will find your way. Just don't think of yourself as not being normal, because this is very normal. Keep talking if that helps, we are here to listen and help if we can.

[BonnieT]

Hi Tammy
Don't ever feel like you are whining , we are here for you.
Waiting is the hardest, I agree with the others, try to find something that keeps your mind off of it, I find that my faith in God helps, I think just talking about it helps and reading others posts to you. I actually found alot of comfort in knowing all the people on this board that have gone thru so much and are still fighting and doing well. I use to think if cancer spreads , that's it, your done, but so many people have beaten this , keep that in mind !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God Bless
Bonnie T

[tammymarie1971]

It used to be easier to get my mind on other things and to be more optismistic regaring my health. However once you deal with mets I guess it just is never far from your thoughts. Liver mets '04 bone mets '05. I think that so far the liver is good I did chemo and they did a liver resection. My new onc doesn't understand why they didn't keep me on herceptin longer that the three rounds I had before surgery and three rounds after surgery. Anyway when checking on the how the liver was doing this spring the ct scan picked up something on my spine which sent me for a bone scan, ta--da....bone mets!!!

Anyway I guess I've just lost my innocent way of thinking "oh ...it's probably nothing"..will not likely cross my thoughts too quickly anymore.

Can anyone answer my question regarding how her2+ I may be...if after one round of herceptin the tumor markers
go from 74 to 39 is this a good indication of strong her2+?

I feel like I just spend my days trying to keep my emotins from spiraling out of control!!! I need to have some positive re-enforcement thoughts to turn the direction of my thought patterns...Can anyone help with this!!!!!!
Tammy.

[jojo]

Good morning Tammy,

I know how you exactly feel. A new enlarged node in my left collarbone was just discovered. I am finding out that just praying seems not to be enough to give me serenity, so I aa researching on Christian meditation. Trying to find other ways to get through my daily life more easily...

Finding other things that you enjoy may be very helpful. It also passes time really fast! I really want to learn sewing for home decor, finish up my home study on interior decorating, and do some paintings w/ pastels & acrylics.

Please feel that you can come to us ANYTIME! God bless ya

[tammymarie1971]

JoJo, I just started researching christian meditation as well!!!! Also Bernie Seigel has some pretty great stuff out there. I'm just waiting for my positive affirmations for cancer patients to come in the mail.
If I find something I'll let you know.
Thanks,
Tammy

[kristen]

Hi Tammy,

I see that no one has answered your question to the statis of your HER2. If your tumor markers are coming down, I think that means your treatment plan is working. From what I have read, the stronger you are HER 2+ the better Herceptin works with chemo. Does that mean you are strongly HER2 +++? I don't know. Did they not run a FISH test on your original tumor? Also, isn't it true that one of the reason the Bayer serum test is supposed to be so effective for so many patients is because, wasn't it 50% of the time mets patients tumors have become HER 2 +?
I seem to be raising more questions than answering yours. I have not met and do not know the answer to your question. But I wanted to point it out again, so that someone maybe able to answer it for you. Good Luck in your search.

[TriciaK]

Tammy, all your concerns are perfectly normal, as has been said. I believe that when we obsess we get tense all over, and we tend to breathe in a more shallow manner. The most immediate help is to deliberately relax your jaw, which is always tense, and concentrate on your breathing. As I said in my posts on self-hypnosis and guided imagry, slow your breathing, let it be deep and slow and even. Think or even say, like a mantra, "breathe in peace, breathe out stress," over and over. The slow, even, deep breathing will calm your thoughts. If you begin to obsess again, make up another mantra, like "Everyday in every way I am getting better and better." The subconscious mind will believe and act upon whatever you tell it. If you have trouble sleeping or find yourself obsessing at night, you might ask your oncologist about an antidepressant called Amitryptolin (spelled something like that!), which is what they give to women with fibromyalgia who have disturbed sleep. I have fibro, and find the tiny litle blue pill, or even half, helps me to sleep more deeply and with less sleep disturbance. A drop or two of Lavender, an essential oil, on your pillow or somewhere where you can breathe it, will really help you relax more, too. Listening to a meditation tape will do wonders. Remember, fear and faith can never exist at the same time. Anything you do to enhance and increase your faith, like reading the loving posts on this website, and reading scriptures, praying, listening to uplifting tapes and music, all drive away the fear. I hope these thoughts help! Hugs, Tricia

[tammymarie1971]

awww Tricia, I can just feel your warmth and you are so right fear and faith can not co-exist and since I know that fear is not from our Heavenly Father than I sure know where it is from and he can keep it!!!!!!! I will try the deep breathing and the mantras even during the day or anytime anxiety is showing it's ugly self. Thank you Tricia you are such a gem and we are all lucky to know you!!
Tammy

[Lyn]

Hi Tricia, that was interesting, I too have Fibroymalgia, started about 3 years back so I take the anti-depressant Prothieden 25mg, I sleep well but still get depressed, so doubled it to 50 and after dropping the Aromasin eostrogen blocker I got that depressed I was looking forward to the hereafter, bear in mind I have been doing this non stop since 1998, I also have pain from the collapse of my left shoulder and now the dislocation of my right shoulder, so with that and getting my rotten biopsy result I was a basket case for about a week, I just sat in a fog and didn't want to do anything, and just thought well I could be dead tomorrow so I don't care if the washing doesn't get hung out, with both my shoulders just about stuffed there was no way I was in the mood to stand out in the sun, getting up and down on a step, nope she sat there until someone else in the house decided to throw it in the dryer. I feel better this week, after I did more research on my BC, I started out strongly HER +3, the biopsy in January on my remaining breast was HER +2 and now my recent biopsy on same breast after failing treatment was HER 1-2, so either the Herceptin is slowing down the cancer in the body or it is just unstable. My initial BC was very agressive and fast moving, yet this reoccurence in the remaining breast has been smouldering since January this year. So is my shoulder pain also fibroymalgia, my mixed connective tissue disorder (Lupus/Sjrogens/sclelederma? and anything else that wants to join in, but all relevant I think to our weird types of unpredictable BC. All of these immune deficiency disorders are trying to kill our bodies along with the big C, so hopefully they will kill each other off and just leave me alone. I found that breathing in the healing and out with the cancer cells was a good chant, I also use to tell myself at night "just go to sleep, the problems will still be there to morrow but I will face them better after a good night's sleep" seem to work, I also use to say, "Good Night Silent Angels" just so I didn't forget anyone. During the day, I loved to wander through the junk shops, I own a lot of odd chairs, a bit of a sore point in my home, everytime I see a chair when I am out, just about everyone screams at me you don't need anymore chairs, but I figure there is always a seat in my home for anyone who comes. Also when people ask what I want for a present, I say "buy me a clock, that way you are buying me time, and add I don't need anymore watches, I am flat out reading the little figures on the watches anyway. But as far a carrying on, I just think, how sad it would be for everyone to go to my funeral, so I just say to myself well I am going to be here for a long time, so by the time I do go, it will be thank God that old bag has gone, she was a real pain in the neck, racing around in her hotted up scooter with the skull and cross bones flying, you see I am not going to grow old gracefully, I intend to make a difference to the meaning of old age. Well there is heaps more I can ramble on with but I better get dinner now for the family, trouble is I have always looked well through my treatments, except of course for this last bad radiaiton burn, but apart from that, they all think I can cope, I have to act some days that I am not well, just to get a bit of sympathy. Love to you all.

Love & Hugs Lyn

[tammymarie1971]

Lyn, your post made me laugh..thnks...Not all of the post was funny though and it sounds like you've got alot of crap to deal with but to hear humor in amongst this is a true testament of your character...I though it was funny that you said your family figures you doing ok because you're carrying on with chores etc...Bernie Siegel has this thing he says it's "Fake it 'till you make it"!!!!!
Tammy

[StephN]

Hey Tammy -
You can always sit down with a good movie - one of my favorites is "Gone With the Wind."
Scarlet had such a great attitude - she would make a perfect Her2+++ BC survivor. "Oh fiddle de dee!" Another met!
And then there is her great parting line: "Well, tomorrow IS another day."

[TriciaK]

This has been such a great thread you started, Tammy! You have a way of getting through to all of us! Lyn, I loved your post, and I had to laugh at your comment about your family needing to see you down once in awhile to give you some sympathy. Families do have a way of taking you for granted sometimes. I can just see you with all those chairs in a circle! And I agree also about growing old gracefully. I am kicking and screaming all the way. I may be 75 but don't ever call me elderly! Keep up the humorous way of looking at life and it can't get you down. By the way, speaking of fibromyalgia: I had absolutely no fibro pain or any kind of arthritis pain during the 6 months I was on navelbine. It's now been a year and the pain is coming back with a vengeance. Another lady in the chemo lab said she had the same experience---no pain while on chemo. We decided maybe the arthritis type pain was under control then because arthritis is related to an overly active immune system, and the chemo surpresses the immune system. Anyone else had this experience? Hugs, Tricia