Why Me?

[Patty H]

I know we have all wondered why me. But lately I have wondered why me in a different way. A friend of mind just died from breast cancer. She was dianosed after me, she was not her2, she had no node envolment and was younger then me. She was doing find when I heard her cancer was back and in her lungs and bones. I didn't think it was anything to panic about I have been living a good quality life for over a year that way. She died with in a couple of months of the spread. I can't help but wonder why. I don't know her well enough to ask her family. People all around me seem to be dying who were dianosed after me and with less aggressive cancer. In stead of wondering why me with cancer, I keep wondering why am I still here and they are not. I guess after living with this as a cronic illness I assumed every one did. It's one of those weeks where I can't seem to get this out of my mind. Patty H

[Guest-Sheila_*]

Pattty
Even Dr.'s don't know why...seems like some of the women with the best prognosis for beating BC are gone in no time, and the ones who look like they don't have much of a chance seem to keep beating it...seems to me it is all in God's hands...he has a plan for each of us...just consider yourself blessed and live every day to the fullest. My prayers are there for you and your friend.
Hugs
Sheila

[Lolly]

I also just lost a friend last week to BC. I've asked myself the same question, why am I so fortunate and others not? This is the eighth friend I'v lost since being diagnosed. These friends I met because of cancer, and they were all wonderful and special, and I wouldn't have had the honor of knowing them if it weren't for the cancer connection. I just try to carry their memory with me and carry on the fight in their name's. I think that rather than "losing the fight" they've "passed the torch" to us survivors and we must carry on for them.
It's still a sadness, no getting around it. You're not alone.

Love, Lolly

[michele u]

I think the answer to this "why" is that all cancers are different in everyone. We are Her2, but there are other markers that they have not even discovered yet. That's why one thing works for one person and then not the next. Someday,I think closer then we think, our tumors will analzed for alot of different things to determine which chemo to take for YOU, not a standard chemo for eveyone. I asked my onc one day, I don't understand how I can still be here after 15 months without a recurence,yet,with 34 pos nodes!! And he said there might be something in your certain tumor that was responsive to the chemo. I also have a friend dying right now from breast cancer. She was her2 pos with 4 pos nodes and hers came back 5 month after her radtaion. NO ONE KNOWS expect God who that is.

[pattyz]

Patty....

Survival guilt, that's me. And I ask the same question as you do, "why me?" . Why am I still alive when so many have passed on? This is the ONLY time I have ever asked this question.

For me, I know I'm not looking for an answer exactly. There is a part of me still in shock or denial that I am indeed NED and feeling good, after brain mets dx/ plus over two yrs ago. I often ask myself "How can this be?"

I have a friend who tells me she knew this would happen because she prayed for a miracle for me.... But, that doesn't make any sense, as EVERYONE is praying for a 'miracle' for themselves or someone else who is ill, and still, they die.

Years ago, I decided that this whole business of bc was a crap shoot, who will respond well or not, who will recur or not, etc. And so it follows that our time will come, too, Patty. But for today, it's just not the right time. Not a totally satisfactory explaination but that is all I've got to hang on to for now.
hugs,
pattyz xoxox

[nikkiuk]

Patty
I know how we all feel "when will it be our turn?"
I hate it when somebody passes away from this horrid disease and i get scared thinking its only a matter of time before i fall off the conveyor belt!!

I cannot understand how some with a "good" prognosis can die within months and others with a crap diagnosis can go on and on, even the medical people rub thier foreheads at this one.

I get angry at people who say to me how well i am doing, they dont know how it feels to live with a time bomb ticking away inside them.
I just hope if there is something else after this life it's a better place to be than this.
I hope you are feeling a little better today, just wanted to say i am with you on this one.
Sorry for your loss.
Nikki

[susie]

I have lost so many friends to breast and other cancers. Some, like you say, go downhill so fast---well one day, gone the next. Very strange. The others like myself suffer thru so much, come to death's doorstep, and then back to a healthy state. Why? My doctor said, "biology". I take that to mean "constitution", but like you say, there are markers we don't even know about yet. There could be survival markers.

Yes, we pray, and I cling to the hem of His garment, in wellness and sickness, because no matter what happens, I can;t think of a better, safer place to be.